#1
So hi...

I made a song when I shouldn't have really, in the middle of an exam season. This also means C4C is borderline impossible, sorry I'm just putting it out in the case anyone wants to listen. I'm still lurking, and I'll still try to find time to write a little for you.

Now for some background - I was depressed as hell but at the same time I came up with a somewhat upbeat alt-rockish riff. So this song became a story of putting on a brave face, trying to push down your feelings but they eventually surfacing, and tearing you apart.

Cheers
JR
Attachments:
Feigned Contentment.zip
#3
It started off like something out of NES game but then the jazz guitar came in and it liked how it changed the sound.

I didn't like the harmonizing you did with the rhodes at the B&D section though. It sounded like there was too much going on for me.

At bar 34 i expected a cool little drum fill and i think a more prominent drum beat needs to come in at that bar (you kinda did that but it just wasn't "out there" enough for me).

The Pre-Chorus was messy for me. I really couldn't work out what was going on. I think it might be just the mixing though. Edit: Aha! I know what it is, it's the rhodes imo. It's actually a really sick "rushed" progression you got going there with the guitar.

The sawtooth in the chorus was great. That would work soo amazingly as a vocal melody.

If you are intending to write lyrics for this i dont think you should have any vocals in Verse 2. I think it should serve more just as like a little guitar break imo because the guitar is a very "drivey" force already.

I didn't really "feel" the solo. Like i think the piece could easily work without the solo but still have the instrumental break in.

I don't think the outro should be the outro. It felt like it was building up to a final chorus for me. That doesn't require too much work, you can literally just copy paste a chorus in :P It still works very well as an outro though, that was just my first reaction to it.

Sick piece though, i would dig if i could write stuff like this. I don't know how you hear those little shimmery parts in the background, i would never think to put them in :P
Last edited by 21Fretter at Jun 22, 2010,
#5
There's something in the chord voicing and totality that reminds of Phantasy Star Online.
The synth and bass play a big part in this too.

It's also very emotionally captivating. The raw emotion material that this piece expels is everywhere. I gotta say that the 1st verse, pre-chorus(es) and the guitar solo are excellent examples of this.* It's kinda mind-numbing.

This song has a massive scope, with bright nuances that kept my attention. I'm amazed at the structural integrity, as the 2 bar transfer periods make it seem like the song is going to veer into an awful mess, but it pulls back into cohesion. This holds especially true for the 1st Chorus. And the voice-leading in that part is ridiculous. That fusion style of melody just fleshes it out with this lovely cheesiness. I wouldn't have it any other way.


*Not to say the chorus isn't good, as it is, but it's happy tones that streamline what I'm supposed to be feeling. I nod towards the other sections because they have an ambiguous sense to them.
Last edited by huevos at Jun 26, 2010,
#6
This piece is very very brilliant. The music drives forward a lot of emotion without being too overbearing. It seems more lyrically driven than musically too, but that's just me. I loved your use of chords that are uncommon. The sawtooth/synth added a lot to the song. The bass was fully utilized which is quite awesome I must say. The drum patterns were very intriguing since they have very pronounced metal influences but fit more than perfectly.

Oh, and the rake thing is from "Comfortably Numb" right?

Btw, if you ever record this, it will be bloody awesome.
#8
Well thanks for the kind words everyone :] Just a couple of remarks:

First off, the e-cookie was probably a bit hard... actually I lifted those 8 bars from another of my songs (Silent Angst) that I submitted for a tabs contest, lol. I can see how it sounds a little Pink Floyd-ish though!

21Fretter: I can see that the ending can feel a little misplaced, or maybe abrupt... but honestly I can't do much about it - the chorus wouldn't fit. too upbeat, the ending is supposed to be an "emotional breakdown". And the solo probably just wasn't one of my better ones anyway. Thanks for the large honest crit, I'll retribute the favor when exams are over :P.

huevos: Well I was really going for emotion and little else, something simpler and less messy than my other songs, (particularly Lost Dreams that was all over the damn place ) so your comment made me happy
#9
Just in case you didn't pick it up from my small little comments in my post here and there, i do really like this piece. When i reread my crits, i realize you can't sometimes tell if i like it or hate it because I'm just like "this this this" :P