#1
c4c

She gently kissed her favourite doll then
she smashed it on the floor
And then she crept with dark intentions
straight through the bedroom door

She quietly took the final match from
her father's secret place
Why have you never tried to help me?
She screamed in mother's face

I'd love to make you both
just disappear...

[Chorus]
So that you'll know what it's like
to be livin' in hell
So that you'll know what it's like
when redemption has failed

I've just came back for tonight
with flames in my eyes
to take the final match and
burn your mother****in' ivory tower down


She cooked herself just one last meal
and
she gagged until she choked

And then she spit all her revulsion
Into the bedroom smoke

I'd love to make you both
just disappear....

[chorus] X2

Now you know what it's really like in hell
Now you know what it's really like in hell
Did you think this was you last farewell?
Don't you know that I'll see you both in hell?

[chorus] X2
#2
Very nice. I can practically taste the malice. I wouldn't change anything in this song except for maybe where it says "I've just come back for tonight". To me it seems like the narrator has always been there instead of having left and coming back. 5/5 Very elegant piece
#3
Eerie...very well done.

A few words of caution, if I may: you repeat the word "she" thrice and the word "then" two times in the first three lines. Also "straight through the bedroom door", sounds redundant to me. If it were mine to write, I'd lose either straight or through and make up the missing syllables with added content.

There's a typo in the bridge, as I'm guessing "did you think this was you last farewell" should read "your last farewell".

Other than those simple things, I thought this was excellent.

Here's my most recent, and I'd love to hear your comments/interpretation
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1329394
#4


I've just came back for tonight
with flames in my eyes
to take the final match and
burn your mother****in' ivory tower down


Now you know what it's really like in hell
Now you know what it's really like in hell
Did you think this was you last farewell?
Don't you know that I'll see you both in hell?




This was a very interesting piece. Seemed somewhat similar to "Never Again" by Nickelback but with a nice metalhead's touch. The two parts I quoted are really the only parts I could see that could possibly use a little revising. With the last part of the chorus, I would consider changing that last line to "burn your f ckin' ivory tower down" or take out the profanity from it all together. At the same time, it may go perfectly with the music you might have for it. With the second segment, I want to suggest maybe switching the 2nd and 3rd lines around to try to minimize any perceived repetition. Other than that, I think you've got a real winner here!

C4C? Within The Mirror
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1329042
Some people just wanna watch the world burn. Wanna join me when I take my turn to pour the gas, light the match, see your world flip upside down and drop until it's inside out?