denizenz
A man among gods.
Join date: Aug 2006
620 IQ
#1
One day I saw a scarecrow covered in birds.
Few words can say
how it made me feel
to see them hover
over the fields
and slowly carry their crops away.
And as I watched in awe,
the farmer walked across
his rows of summer maize.
The crows cawed
then lumbered lazily away,
and the man grumbled,
then merely paid the straw its wage.

I saw a farmer with no farm today,
and I dared not rest the blame
as mourners came to bless his grave.
Last edited by denizenz at Jun 24, 2010,
miloh.core
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2010
252 IQ
#2
finally.
a song with maize.
life is complete.
well done.
i am the lamb.
point me to the slaughter.
FueLsTp
lost,in a dream of mirors
Join date: Jul 2003
155 IQ
#4
Great flow in it. I didn't think it was particularly 'good' until the last three lines. Turned it from some random observation writing to actually... making sense.

Great read!
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

C4C - Songwriting and Lyrics

- Hung Up on You -
- Apathy Unending -
mukkey
Perma-Bored
Join date: Mar 2007
182 IQ
#5
I agree with everyone above. The entire piece wouldn't have worked if not for the last 3 lines.
Yamaha ERG 121
Yamaha F370TBS
Yamaha GA-10

NOOB KIT FTW

-------------------------

Lyrical Insanity:

Chasing Shadows
denizenz
A man among gods.
Join date: Aug 2006
620 IQ
#6
Thanks for the feedback. I wrestled with lines 10-13 as they were originally written, and now I think I've gotten them straightened out. It should keep the flow and the theme while clearing up some awkward grammar.

I'm surprised that everyone believes the piece to be lost without the final three lines.
Pwallop
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2009
188 IQ
#7
I really like that. Its a good idea for a piece. I'm really unsure about the flow though, I think it could be made better but then it could be just me and the way Im looking at it .
Mutmoo
Fuzzlove.
Join date: Nov 2008
656 IQ
#8
Quote by denizenz


I'm surprised that everyone believes the piece to be lost without the final three lines.

I don't.
JakdOnCrack
Crack head fo' real.
Join date: Jan 2008
246 IQ
#9
Brilliant piece. A commentary on taxation, the government taking away the money people worked for, etc. Great metaphor you used, I think a lot of the previous posters missed what you were actually saying.

Excellent, don't see anything I can really do tell you to improve upon.


c4c? If you're into that.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=24516163
denizenz
A man among gods.
Join date: Aug 2006
620 IQ
#10
Quote by JakdOnCrack
Brilliant piece. A commentary on taxation, the government taking away the money people worked for, etc. Great metaphor you used, I think a lot of the previous posters missed what you were actually saying.


Finally. I had figured the title would be a giveaway that the piece demands more than a literal reading. I like your interpretation, but it wasn't really what I had in mind. I wanted to contrast the functional economic laws of supply and demand against the Keynesian philosophy of government policy and regulation. At some point, labor laws and a regulated minimum wage begin damaging the economy rather than increasing living standards.

I mean, the scarecrow only has one job, and it can't even get it right