#1
crit4crit
GRACIAS MUNEQUITA

Speed up time in a forest fire
It starts to look like Eden's garden
Where spitting upon a grave
Can lead to a bountiful harvest

The serpent slithered down
Taught me to love and give
Then took away my soul
And taught me how to sin

When you're deep in Hell
Then you'll see Heaven's light
'Cause you only find diamonds
In the darkness of coalmines

What a statuesque smile
The clockhands had been carving
I was bound to find some treasure
If I kept digging through the garbage

The world may see me as
A desperate graverobber
But someday the angels
Will call me their father

When you're deep in Hell
Then you'll see Heaven's light
'Cause you only find diamonds
In the darkness of coalmines
Last edited by themarsvolta at Jun 23, 2010,
#2
Good flow to it. Can't really say there is much I don't like about it. The only issue I have it the 'Inside a coal mine' line. I'm not particularly fond of it. It just doesn't seem to flow with the rest of the piece.

The serpent slithered down
Taught me to love and give
Then took away my soul
And taught how to sin

What a statuesque smile
The clockhands had been carving
I was bound to find some treasure
If I kept digging through the garbage


These two are great. Although for the 'And taught how to sin', is there a word missing in there? 'And taught ___ how to sin'?


If you C4C, - Hung Up on You -
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

C4C - Songwriting and Lyrics

- Hung Up on You -
- Apathy Unending -
Last edited by FueLsTp at Jun 23, 2010,
#3
dope enough to smoke.

"When you're deep in Hell
Then you'll see Heaven's light
'Cause you only find diamonds
In the darkness of coalmines"

a very choice selection of words.
i am the lamb.
point me to the slaughter.