#1
chasing shadows
down the concrete sidewalk
clutching onto
a figurene of fog
it’s like dreaming a dream
in a dream

(chorus)

of a girl
who’s not of this world
just a figment of my
3am toss and twirls

of the chance
of a fictional romance
oh won’t you dance…

(end chorus)

catching fire
in the vacuum of your eyes
hints of whispers
in the dark of the night
that echoes and bounces
and fades

(chorus)

reminding me of a girl
who’s not of this world
just a figment of my
3am toss and twirls

of the chance
of a fictional romance
oh won’t you dance

(end chorus)

(bridge)

i only smell your skin
when i close my eyes
and the touch of your hand
never comes as a surprise

to me (to me)
since we can’t be
and i’m always chasing shadows


(chorus)

of a girl
who’s not of this world
just a figment of my
3am toss and twirls

of the chance
of a fictional romance
oh won’t you dance…

(end chorus)

as i fall
asleep
i hear you whisper
in my dreams

i’ll get up
and move on
cause when i wake up
you’ll be gone


I haven't posted anything in a long time (since 2008 if i remember correctly), so i thought i'd take a stab here with something new.

C4C, as always.
Yamaha ERG 121
Yamaha F370TBS
Yamaha GA-10

NOOB KIT FTW

-------------------------

Lyrical Insanity:

Chasing Shadows
Last edited by mukkey at Jun 25, 2010,
#2
The imagery in this piece is very nicely done, especially in the verses. I like how the verses and the bridge flow into the chorus, its pretty smooth how its done.

Thanks for the crit btw.
Last edited by Pyrest at Jun 28, 2010,
#3
Thanks man, was a bit curious about how the style would turn out...
Yamaha ERG 121
Yamaha F370TBS
Yamaha GA-10

NOOB KIT FTW

-------------------------

Lyrical Insanity:

Chasing Shadows
#4
The chorus in this is top notch. I mean it. I like the use of toss and twirls. I like the simplicity of the piece. The only line I don't like is "Oh won't you dance" It just seems too cliche. Because it's possible to be simplistic and not cliche--the rest of your piece is an example--but that line is just back to the same thing I've read a million times. It feels like it's only there to fulfill a rhyme scheme. But overall, it was very nice. Thanks for the critique on pillow talk.
#5
got it. consider it altered. will get back with an updated version soonest.
Yamaha ERG 121
Yamaha F370TBS
Yamaha GA-10

NOOB KIT FTW

-------------------------

Lyrical Insanity:

Chasing Shadows