#1
Okay, these are the lyrics I have written for my 30 day song challenge in the Pit.


Verse 1

Broken glass and hangovers
From your blurry night before
All your problems and your troubles
And the strangers at your door

What's the point in chasing
The loves no longer there
All the hope and all the admiration
All the love that we won't share

Chorus

The girl that I used to love,
Is not you anymore.
You have gone and you have changed
And I don't care anymore.

Verse 2

I remember when you had
a smile upon your face
Now it's filled with deperation
and a sign of disglace.

If I could travel back in time
and say these things to you
hopefully I'd change your fate
and all these things you'd do
#2
The first 4 lines of the first verse were absolutely awesome. The type of lines that catch attention.

Broken glass and hangovers
From your blurry night before
All your problems and your troubles
And the strangers at your door


...
I edited a few things with blue font.
And pointed out what sounded awkward to me in red.

What's the point in chasing
The love's no longer there
All the hope and admiration
All the love that we won't share

I remember when you had
a smile upon your face
Now it's filled with desperation
and a sign of disglace.



In general it's good and I liked it. The flow was good and the message was clear. Good job.
Last edited by OMGWinner at Jun 29, 2010,