#1
I guess this is technically an answer song, I started writing it at the end of last year for kicks. Bring on all feedback, thoughts and criticisms!


(Verse)
Fiona’s been staying out late behind Scotty’s back,
Coming home at 3, and she’s totally trashed
But she says she’s just having fun out with her friends
Went on another bender with another guy,
Knockin’ boots all night and drinking Spanish Fly
Thinking that she’s gonna get off clean again

Scotty knows better, but when will this thing end?
It’s time for Scotty's revenge

(Chorus)
He says “I’ll burn your clothes, sleep with all your friends
You’re gonna hate me when you find out where they've been
So live it up, before karma knocks you down
And now you can walk and you can call
But all is fair, and now you can't talk
Bitch, all the bets are off”

(Verse 2)
Fiona’s out again and she’s getting high
They’re in Donny's car, she’s giving him a ride
And every time she comes home she's pleading innocence
But when she hears about Scotty, and what happened to her friends
She won't be hooking up again

Chorus x2

(Bridge)
(Scotty doesn't know, Scotty doesn't know)
How it gets and better than this
x2
(Scotty doesn’t know, Scotty doesn’t know&hellip


Chorus x2

Bridge (repeat & fade)
#2
Its hard to picture from the text, but have you worked it so its in perfect time with the original?
Guitar - The true Religion
#3
Actually it isn't, at least not intentionally. I didn't write it out with that in mind anyway, just a song with the same characters, a sequel of sorts, if you will.
#4
ok so i felt the chorus had just plain lines so maybe just rhyme it a bit! oh yeah for some reason i was grinning in these lines!!

Scotty knows better, but when will this thing end?
It’s time for Scotty's revenge

was i suppose to??!! but i like it anyways umm.. i wud say its just ok considering the topic. give it a bit more work and you'll have a song thats funny in a dark way atleast thats how i see it as!!
#5
I must agree with leafwhisperer (: sept i was grinning through a lot of it. but..as said..it's alright concidering the topic. i mean. i think you should expand your imagination a bit more, insted of taking a topic that's already been created quite similar. but yea..make it more..original and funny in a dark way xP



C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1347783
#6
this is hilarious, reminds me of a 70's american high school jock kid or something, i like reading something a bit more unique than most of the poems and love songs posted on here
#7
As soon as I saw "Scotty", I read the whole thing in a Dropkick Murphys tone, not sure if that was the intent! xD

But I'll agree with other posts, dark and comical would make sense with a bit of imagination kicked into it.

And the chorus was my least favorite part, sort of bland, but still I got the point of the song from there. So maybe spice it up there?

My favorite lines were:

Fiona’s out again and she’s getting high
They’re in Donny's car, she’s giving him a ride


It just flows so well, it's really appealing. Add that sort of feel to the chorus, and I think you'd have a really good song going!

Overall, it's a good start, I think it just needs to be spiced up a bit and then you could have a good piece here!

Thanks for sharing!
Check out my lyrics! (C4C)

Critical Condition
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#8
Thanks for the words, guys. This is actually still pretty rough, but I'll get around to polishing it up and try to dial things up. Glad to see people are actually finding parts funny, though, I wasn't expecting as much!
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#9
I think that this was an interesting concept. I quite enjoyed the storyline, just wish there was more of it. There needs to be more verses! Clear it up and make it longer, and I might actually spend the $0.99 to buy it.

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I wonder how he came to this conclusion.
Lyrics
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Call me Drew
#10
Alrighty, seeing as you gave me a solid crit on my song, I thought I should check this out =)
First of all, I love the idea. That song is a beauty, and so is the movie Euro Trip. That just sets this song up to be good in some way. I did find, though, that it was almost like you weren't finishing off your lines, if that makes any sense? I can kind of put it to a melody in the verse, but the chorus doesn't seem as unified. The "Went on a bender with another guy/knocking boots and drinking spanish fly" lines were really well written, I thought. I personally like really beat driven music, and I could feel the beat in those lines.
And like OctoberWind said, I would like too see some more length to it, because it's an awesome concept =)