#1
Oceans are rising
Drowning the innocent
Meteor showers
Annihilate everything

Population zero
The earth in ruins
Human extinction
No hope for anyone

These apocalyptic visions
Fill my dreams
Becoming more vivid
As time goes by

I pray these visions
Just go away
A fear of the future
And what it brings


A very rough draft made for a riff my guitarist called harbinger
Constructive criticism please.
I say what I say to hear what I don't hear.
Last edited by phobia64 at Jun 26, 2010,
#2
I defininitely think that this needs to be extended. You have some good ideas, they just need to be fleshed out more. I also like the way you describe the scenery and at the end you tell us how the narrator feels, which I think is a pretty cool technqiue. I just wish you would put us in the narrators head more. As it stands now the only line that really bothered me was "drowning the innocent". There's just something about it that made me want to laugh. It just sounds way too over the top. Anyways, I hope you decide to make this longer, because this subject material could make for a a really cool epic song. Hoep to read more from you.

Crit mine please
Gracias Munequita
#3
There are some catchy phrases but overall it just looks like some trying-hard-to-be-as-metal-as-possible text. It's good for metal though (I'm guessing thrash?).

The last 4 lines have epic potential. I mean this in the most sincere way possible.
lstfm

I'm a Nazi, baby
I'm a Nazi, yes I am
I'm a Nazi schatzi, you know I'll fight for the Fatherland
Last edited by The Wildchild at Jun 26, 2010,