#1
I had to piss earlier... and right when I flushed, I saw a spider on the floor. He was walking as if he was dying a slow death so figured I put him out of his misery.

All of this happened really quick, and I thought I could put him in the toilet before it got done flushing. So I quickly grab a piece of toilet paper, pick him up and toss him in the toilet right as all the water is going down.

Too late, he went slightly down and came right back up, just floating. I didn't feel like flushing again so I walked out.

Come some 15 minutes later, I have to crap. So I walk in my bathroom and he's just chillin on a piece of toilet paper, still alive.

It went something like this I suppose:



So who else can say they crapped on a spider?

Tell me how fail this thread is, how I wasted your time, how ridiculous I am, how I accidentally gave the spider the eyes of a fly, or if you at least chuckled. I don't care, I'm just really bored, and thought this was a pretty brootal way to end a spiders life. inb4lock.
#6
Quote by Alexander_BR
What if he jumped and crawled up your butthole?

thats the scariest thing i've heard all day
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#7
I haven't crapped on a spider before, but about a week ago while I was crapping an army of newborn baby spiders decided to bungie jump from the ceiling of my bathroom right in front of my face. I grabbed a few squares of toilet paper and offered them no mercy in the worst case of genocide since the 3rd Reich.
#10
Quote by RU Experienced?
I haven't crapped on a spider before, but about a week ago while I was crapping an army of newborn baby spiders decided to bungie jump from the ceiling of my bathroom right in front of my face. I grabbed a few squares of toilet paper and offered them no mercy in the worst case of genocide since the 3rd Reich.




I would have filled the toilet with bricks.
#12
Quote by Alexander_BR
What if he jumped and crawled up your butthole?


I immediately clenched my butthole after reading that... That's awful.
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#14
Quote by BurningStarlV



I would have filled the toilet with bricks.

Well, I did that too, but the spiders had nothing to do with it. They were more of a nuisance/distraction
#15
lulz

win sir.
Quote by Metalology
You'll probably get some praise from people in as sad of a situation as you or maybe some laughs from people who enjoy your lame sense of humor.




lolwut

a blog that should be floating in the toilet. toiletfloater.blogspot.com
#18
Lol I was thinking this was going to be about some one who hates those Line 6 spider series amps
#20
Quote by Alexander_BR
What if he jumped and crawled up your butthole?



You know that feeling you get in your nuts when you see a guy do the splits? My butthole just got that feeling.
Sail upon the open skies
#22
I have never pooped on an insect becasue of the whole in my butthole thing. Im not a fan of that concept. I do go camping a lot though and have pee'd on a fair share of spiders out in the woods.
no sir away a papaya war is on
#23
That spider's gonna turn into Monsturd Part 2...

If anybody ever saw the first one. O_o
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
#25
Quote by SeveralSpecies
What a shitty way to go....


/effort to begin a pun thread

NOOOOOOOOOOO

maybe if you had a
revolver
you'd
suck less

press
↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B Areceive bacon

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#27
Definitely an awesome way to kill a spider, plus the comic made me lol. But I would be ****ing terrified to put my exposed asshole near a spider...
#29
Quote by Alex Vik
I pissed on a fly while it was still flying around. Do I win?

I know an old lady who swallowed a fly. I don't know why she swallowed that fly.

Perhaps she'll die?
#30
I don't know if I'm disgusted, cracking up, or obligated to high five you. Luckily UG has a smiley for each.

edit:
I retract my previous smilies, and replace them with a hearty lolstack for TS and many others in this thread.





Except spider in your butthole dude. That was a good point, and I laughed, but my ass doesn't feel quite right now.
Last edited by cornmancer at Jun 27, 2010,
#31


Well done sir. Also, that comic was hilarious as well. So, that's two 'well done's, one for the action and one for the comic illustrating that action. I think I speak for us all when I say that this is more than deserving of both of those 'well done's
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I love you



Who's in a bunker?
Who's in a bunker?
Women and children first
And the children first
And the children
#32
The picture in your OP is outstanding.

daytripper75

Bullieve


Quote by Amuro Jay
I'm gonna need specific instructions again on how to properly dance with my pants on my head.
Quote by lolmnt
First you put your pants on your head.
Second you dance.
Third you wipe off all the pussy.
#33
That happened to me once...cept I freaked out, flushed the toilet, slammed the lib down, and ran...yep

I fear spiders.
#34
Quote by xGoozx
That happened to me once...cept I freaked out, flushed the toilet, slammed the lib down, and ran...yep

I fear spiders.



Really? You seem to not mind the one on the back of your neck.


...enjoy sleeping tonight.
#35
Quote by xGoozx
That happened to me once...cept I freaked out, flushed the toilet, slammed the lib down, and ran...yep

I fear spiders.

I don't fear spiders, I fear large spiders, and spiders that just appear out of nowhere. A spider appears out of nowhere, and I piss myself and grab the nearest large, blunt object and beat the shit out of it.

edit: ^**** off.
Last edited by cornmancer at Jun 27, 2010,
#36
Quote by SeveralSpecies
Really? You seem to not mind the one on the back of your neck.


...enjoy sleeping tonight.


GOD. DAMN.

YOU.
~don't finkdinkle when ur supposed to be dimpdickin~
#37
Quote by SeveralSpecies
Really? You seem to not mind the one on the back of your neck.


...enjoy sleeping tonight.


****. you.



hahaha