#1
Regardless of the quality of the poem; this old form was immensely interesting and satisfying to write in -- it shall be the first of many.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Villanelle

If I could sing just like the lark;
I’d fill my life with beauty’s songs,
And with my wings I could embark.

And I could lighten nights so dark;
And right all worldly wrongs.
If I could sing just like the lark.

And in bluish sky could I arc;
And make my ways a-longs
And with my wings I could embark.

And I could make tears from woody barks;
And make short nights from longs.
If I could sing just like the lark.

And I could fly from English park;
Too far away Hong Kong’s
And with my wings I could embark.

I and I could be where I belong,
And sing the many revered songs
If I could sing just like the lark;
And with my wings I could embark.
#2
Ummmm......interesting read. The general format of the set reminds me a lot of the songs from Staind's "14 Shades Of Gray", but at the same time, the content and ending lines of each segment almost seem like a rip-off of some of the songs from "The Wizard Of Oz". I hate to say it, but I really didn't like this one very much. However, I don't want that to discourage you from continuing to try.
Some people just wanna watch the world burn. Wanna join me when I take my turn to pour the gas, light the match, see your world flip upside down and drop until it's inside out?
#3
very cool. I do love experimentation with that kind of stuff.

the refrain creates a very cool resonant effect in the poetry and makes it feel very complete. I like this. kudos.
#4
Villanelles are extremely difficult to write, so congrats on writing one and having it not suck, for one thing.

That said, I was loving it up until the fifth stanza, where it seemed like you ran out of rhymes, and that wrecked the end for me. Still though, liked it a lout.
#5
Quote by OverUnderOnward
Villanelles are extremely difficult to write, so congrats on writing one and having it not suck, for one thing.

That said, I was loving it up until the fifth stanza, where it seemed like you ran out of rhymes, and that wrecked the end for me. Still though, liked it a lout.


It's difficult to find enough rhyming words with compromising your message.
#6
I'll admit, when I saw a post by a guy whose screename Acidshred, I didn't wanna be too optimistic,
however you really managed to stick to the strict format here fairly well, and you didn't even write about war or corporations and such. Kudos

Now, as far as content goes, I think the elegant and wordy tone here matches the format nicely, but where it goes is a mystery. Nothing really happened, nothing was resolved, etc... The ending just left me thinking "it was nice, but what was the point ?"