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#1
so pit, as of 7 oclock this morning i found out something that shocked me so badly that i jumped out of bed almost instintly, and was wide awake with only a hour of sleep. (and im a heavy sleeper)

my 14 year old cousin hung himself. presumably over a girl who left him.

now, i knew that he was having problems with his gf, i didnt think nothing of it and didnt say anything to him.

but i cant help but feel that if i said something to him, and maybe tried cheering him up that i would have realized this would happen. thus, letting me talk him out of it if possible.

so pit, i need to know this. could i have stopped this? or was it unstoppable unless he himself decided not to kill himself?
rise against fan

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#2
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#3
of =/= have

also: that sucks man.......hang in there. (edit: no pun intended)



nothing you could have said or done would have changed his mind of he really wanted to do this.
*stupid 09'er*

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Last edited by xl999 at Jun 29, 2010,
#4
I'm very sorry to hear that; it's always sad

But no, don't blame yourself. You don't know with people always. People have troubles with relationships, work and economy all the time you can't possible know what people are going to do or handle every situation and you can't be there for everyone. Don't beat yourself up over it, buddy
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#5
Wow man, that's horrible. I honestly don't think that someone would hang themselves over one solitary issue, and no one person could've said something to completely avert the situation. It was probably a combination of multiple problems and there was nothing you could've done.
#6
You couldn't know exactly what he was going through, couldn't know what he was going to do, don't blame yourself for that.
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#7
Quote by xl999
of =/= have


Leave.

I don't think so... I mean, it's a terrible thing, but there's no way you could have known. Feeling like shit because of a girl at that age is normal. Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about it. I hope you and your family are all okay.
#8
Quote by Jazzalenko
Wow man, that's horrible. I honestly don't think that someone would hang themselves over one solitary issue, and no one person could've said something to completely avert the situation. It was probably a combination of multiple problems and there was nothing you could've done.



i know it could of been several issues, it really shocks me though because he switched schools and was doing so good. the only thing i can think of that i know he was upset about was his gf leaving him. but i could only be seeing my view. its too late to really know why he did it now.
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#9
There's pretty much nothing you could do. Even when suicidal people talk to someone it can be incredibly hard to talk them out of it. Cheering someone up won't work if they're that badly cut up over something. Telling someone they have a lot to live for sounds kind of hollow when that person has already decided that they don't.
You couldn't have known, the signs are very subtle and often not present at all, sometimes people just snap.
"Why should we subsidise intellectual curiosity?"
-Ronald Reagan

"Knowledge is in every country the surest basis of public happiness."
-George Washington
#10
Quote by xl999
of =/= have

Yep. Also, hung =/= hanged.

Dude, it's bad times, but you'll get through it. I have experienced a similar situation and as you know it's fcuking terrible to begin with. But, with time, it will get easier. There are so many things that people could have done or said or not done that might have changed something, but in the end, the past is just that and you can't change it. You'll go crazy if you don't move on.
Marshall amplifiers are the truest purveyors of rock and roll known to man.

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#11
Wow man, I'm sorry to hear that. I just hope everything turns out good for you in the long run
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#12
No way man, there was nothing you could do to prevent it, unless you kept him in sight 24/7.

It's not your fault. You sound as though you were always a friend, and believe me when I say he will have appreciated your friendship.

Don't beat yourself up over this tragedy, my condolences to you and your family.

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#13
Quote by Anthony1991
I dont understand the story completely, were you in a bunk bed or something and you awoke with him swinging?

Or is it different rooms?

Regardless, i doubt you could of done something - it takes real conviction to commit suicide, few things can bring you back from that.

You fact you knew he had troubles means you already cared about him, which means he probably knew you cared about him.

There was nothing you could do imo



i wasnt there when it happened, but he lived two minutes away driving distance. i got a phone call about what happened.


apparently he was working with his dad, and this morning his dad saw his bedroom light on, and his shadow (i guess it looked like he was standing from his dads view) and he yelled to him and didnt get a responce, so when he went to see why he didnt respond he found the body.

and the problem is i feel like i coulda done something. i could of said something to him. but i didnt. and its too late now.
rise against fan

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#14
Quote by k-train

and the problem is i feel like i coulda done something. i could of said something to him. but i didnt. and its too late now.

You actually couldn't. Firstly you can't read his mind and therefore have no way of knowing that he was going to commit suicide, especially since many suicidal individuals put on an incredibly happy front which is why we hear the refrain after a suicide of "Gosh, he always seemed so happy".
Secondly, if he didn't come to you what were you supposed to do? You can't force help on people if they really don't want it.
"Why should we subsidise intellectual curiosity?"
-Ronald Reagan

"Knowledge is in every country the surest basis of public happiness."
-George Washington
#15
I don't think so and though it's a sad thing and I feel bad for the loved ones he hurt. He made the choice and it was a bad one.
Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who...
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#16
Well had you of known then maybe you could have done something but by that logic you should be feeling bad for not stopping the oil spill or 911. You can only do the best you can with the information you have at the time, nothing more. I'm sorry for your loss man i'm sure you'll get through it.
#17
Death is hard to deal with.. i'm very sorry for your loss. Suicides are especially difficult because there's always that feeling of guilt when you hear about it..

The thing you have to know is that, despite how young he was, he would have likely done it even if you had said something. It's likely there was more going on than just a girl, and if you were able to talk to him, you may have only postponed the inevitable.

Do not blame yourself. Suicide is a incredibly hard thing to deal with..

Much love to you and the family.
Grammar and spelling omitted as an exercise for the reader.
#18
Unless he specifically asked you for help and you ignored him then I'd say there was nothing you could have done
#19
Quote by k-train
and the problem is i feel like i coulda done something. i could of said something to him. but i didnt. and its too late now.

It's not healthy to think like that dude. There was nothing you could have done.
Marshall amplifiers are the truest purveyors of rock and roll known to man.

"And give a man an amplifier and a synthesizer, and he doesn't become whoever, you know. He doesn't become us."

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#20
Quote by k-train

and the problem is i feel like i coulda done something. i could of said something to him. but i didnt. and its too late now.


It isn't your fault, you had no idea he would do that. So don't beat yourself up about it, you couldn't have known
#21
Dude, don't blame yourself, it's not your fault...
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#22
Take it from someone who's been dealing w/ depresssion issues his entire life
and has had an endless stream of depressed ppl in his life


only they can help themselves

you couldn't do anything.

And I'm truly sorry.
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#23
I very sorry to hear about that.

But no, you shouldn't blame yourself for what happened. There's no possible way you could have known the thoughts going through is mind at the time. Don't blame yourself.
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#24
man it seems like i've been telling more and more because i've been faced with several suicides of people close to people that i know. anyway first of all it's not your fault, there isn't anything that you could do, reading this thread it says that a million times, but the more you hear or read it the better. second not to be negative or hateful, but suicide in any circumstance is the most selfish thing that one person can do. to take your own life for any reason is a terrible thing, and the thing they don't realize is after they end their pain they cause 10 fold to a lot of people.

i hope this in some way helps, but you need to realize that it's no one's fault except his. not even the girl...

also i'm very sorry to hear this, and i hope that you can see past this.
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A BAD CASE OF SOMEONE SHOT ME IN THE HEAD!!!
Last edited by yodadax at Jun 29, 2010,
#25
The ones who are mostly likely to actually go through with it are the ones who never really seem like they would, or never cry out for help beforehand.

There's no way you could have possibly known. Everyone goes through problems with relationships; unless he was acting incredibly strange or depressed, there's no way you could have known he would go to such extremes.

I'm sorry for your loss, and it's not your fault.
Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.

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#26
You can't blame yourself for something you didn't expect to happen. He never came to you and asked for help, and you didn't know that he planned on committing suicide. This couldn't have possibly been your fault.

I am sorry for your loss though. It's hard losing family members, especially the ones you're close with.
Sail upon the open skies
#27
there is nothing you could have done. sure there were probably signs but he made the choice to take his own life. dont blame yourself.

i talked someone out of suicide last night. its something you dont want to do.
POST RAWK
Last edited by crazywatermelon at Jun 29, 2010,
#28
Sorry to hear about that, but if you hang yourself over a girl at 14, there has gotta be something a little wrong with you in the first place, so you may have not been able to help. Maybe you could have, but in the end it doesn't really matter, and you will never really know, so you might as well move on.
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#29
thanks guys. i would of responded through this thread as the day went on but i went to a candle vidual (spelling?) at his home and then to my aunts to help comfort the rest of my cousins.

i wanna thank you guys.... i feel better knowing that i couldnt stop it. that it wasnt something that could of been avoided.
rise against fan

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#31
Quote by xl999
of =/= have
hang in there. (edit: no pun intended)


Quote by seemeel
Yep. Also, hung =/= hanged.

You guys are bastards

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#32


daytripper75

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#33
Quote by k-train
so pit, as of 7 oclock this morning i found out something that shocked me so badly that i jumped out of bed almost instintly, and was wide awake with only a hour of sleep. (and im a heavy sleeper)

my 14 year old cousin hung himself. presumably over a girl who left him.

now, i knew that he was having problems with his gf, i didnt think nothing of it and didnt say anything to him.

but i cant help but feel that if i said something to him, and maybe tried cheering him up that i would have realized this would happen. thus, letting me talk him out of it if possible.

so pit, i need to know this. could i have stopped this? or was it unstoppable unless he himself decided not to kill himself?

All I can tell you is that I've been there before, and I think I know exactly what you mean. It took me awhile, but I eventually realized that while my intervention may have made a difference, there was no way I could have known.

I hope that you will be okay, and find it in you not to hold it against yourself much sooner than I did.
#34
No. I used to live on a very close knit, tiny island where everyone knew everyone and the only gay guy on the island hung himself. In retrospect we were all the biggest idiots in the world for not seeing it coming, but thats what retrospect is for I guess.
...In my opinion.
#35
Don't beat yourself up over this. There was nothing you could have done. I once came closer than I usually care to admit to starting to consider suicide, and I think that the only thing that saved me was the fact that somewhere in my mind there was still enough will to live to get me to start crying for help. Once someone loses that will, there's nothing you can do.

My deepest condolences to you and your family.
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#37
Quote by FrustratedRocka
Don't beat yourself up over this. There was nothing you could have done. I once came closer than I usually care to admit to starting to consider suicide, and I think that the only thing that saved me was the fact that somewhere in my mind there was still enough will to live to get me to start crying for help. Once someone loses that will, there's nothing you can do.

My deepest condolences to you and your family.


i know that feeling of suicide. i was suicidal when i was my cousins age ironically. but i grew out of it by talking to people and the like, to make myself feel better. i was lucky.

my thing is i wish he would of at least told me he was thinking it..... if he did i could of at least talked to him and maybe helped in some way, even if i didnt keep him from doing this i would of felt at peace knowing i tried helping him.

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Last edited by k-train at Jun 30, 2010,
#38


Don't beat yourself up, man. You don't deserve to torture yourself when there really is nothing you could have done.
#39
Sorry to hear this bro.
There's nothing you could have done. He really wanted to do this, and nobody would have been able to talk him out of it.
I hope he's at peace now.
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#40
Quote by yodadax
man it seems like i've been telling more and more because i've been faced with several suicides of people close to people that i know. anyway first of all it's not your fault, there isn't anything that you could do, reading this thread it says that a million times, but the more you hear or read it the better. second not to be negative or hateful, but suicide in any circumstance is the most selfish thing that one person can do. to take your own life for any reason is a terrible thing, and the thing they don't realize is after they end their pain they cause 10 fold to a lot of people.

i hope this in some way helps, but you need to realize that it's no one's fault except his. not even the girl...

also i'm very sorry to hear this, and i hope that you can see past this.


quoted for truth
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