#1
Hey guys. this website was heavily recommended to me from some friends on another website (i will not name in fear of being accused of advertising) on how to become a better song writer. So heres my first post. Enjoy!

Sorry about the song.. I wrote in a somewhat short amount of time and I think it catches your attention early on then gets old. I stopped trying so hard about halfway through the day and didnt finish it xD...


Crits will be returned within a 24 hour time period :P.
Attachments:
June30 first gp.gp4
Last edited by UneasyHearts at Jun 30, 2010,
#2
Liking the intro. It reminds me of a few other bands, but I can't really put my finger on it. I'm finding the rhythm part a little overwhelming in places, it's a little busy feeling.

I'm really liking bars 61-67(the first chorus). I'm not a fan of the breakdown immediately after that part, though. It seems unnecessary, however, I like the way your choruses are placed, also the breakdown on the second chorus feels a lot more natural and in place.
The 'sweep riff' is quite cool, and the riff immediately after that - I like it a lot. And I really enjoyed the outro.

What kind of vocals would you be wanting on a song like this?
#3
Thanks. I'd be looking for a rody walker esque singer and a screamer who has pretty great high screams. Clear but so powerful that it awes you when you hear it. But thats the best case scenerio.
#4
I was thinking something along the same lines. You'd need someone with a big enough range.
#5
well i don't even have a band started. This is the first song i've ever written so we'll see if i am even a good enough writer / player to be in a band
#6
If you have the means to, you should definitely record a demo track or something with a drum machine, so that you can attract potential band members. I'd do it but I'm too lazy and would rather have a full setlist worth of material before I ask anyone to join a band with me
#7
Very good job for your first song attempt. It's way better than my first song was.

I really liked your use of harmonies, especially at the intro. The strings helped back that part up perfectly. The song is pretty solid up until the Chorus. I think you could do more to transition into the second verse. Right now the breakdown is pretty weak and breaks the epic flow you had going. Nice job adding the different pre-chorus instead of using the same one as before.

The part at 101 is probably my favorite part. I think transition 2 could be a little better. Transition 3 was probably the best one.

I think the song is pretty good again the rest of the way through. For the outro, I think it could be improved by backing the lead part with a heavy breakdown and using the strings to back it up too to make it have a big ending feel to it. Oh and add a bass track

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1331538
#8
Intro good clean guitar I liked it...

Distorted Harmony I liked even more I'm a sucker for harmonies... Great section

Alt Picking- Was pretty good I don;t like a lot of that in songs but you seemed to have a good balance and not use it overly here good job.

Preverse-- Amazing favorite part so far!

Verse- Will sound better with vocals by far so nothing against it

prechorus- good transistion to the chorus again better with vox

chorus- very catchy! fits very well.

Breakdown- I wasnt a fan to bland

2nd pst chorus- much better than the breakdown caught my ear better

progressive- fits well as a transistion to the next section

sweeps- I love sweeps and I'm really glad you just didn't do what i see and hear a lot just sweet up and down an arpeggio shape with sixteenths... I am guilty as well haha

progression riff- I thought it was awesome!

Ending- Great way to reintroduce the intro then do a little outro solo I loved this song...

The only thing I Would think of changing is the breakdown and the how it ends suddenly.

Great job especially for first song its better than anythign I've written

C4C

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=24566927#post24566927

It's only an intro not to long but check it out if you wouldn't mind man... kepp up the good work
#9
The intro was great. It would sound even better on a piano.
The distorted harmony sounds epic almost like there could be marching drums behind it.
The preverse sounds pretty bland even with the harmony going. I thought Verse 1 would work better as a chorus until I heard the chorus. The postchorus/breakdown part seemed a bit pointless, but really helped the move into Verse 2 instead of jumping into it. I really liked the tapped post chorus and hoped it would appear again somewhere in the song. The alternative verse was a nice getaway from the boring normal verses. The solo-outro seemed to move too fast and the solo kind of went nowhere.
#10
thanks for the reviews guys. sadly though there are a few ppl who seem to not want to return my C4C? any reasons why?
#12
thanks for the crit on mine dude, i was Wicked impressed with this. Every single part of the song flows and the progressions are incredibly well done. Intro and outro were solid and sounded awesome! Chorus was extremely catchy and worked well with it's pre and post choruses.
Keep it up bro, I'd love to hear a recorded final product!
Equipment:
ESP LTD EC-1000
Agile 727 Interceptor Pro
Ibanez RG7321
Marshall 1960A Cab
Peavey 6505+
Rack stuff

Whoop Whoop. Holla.
#13
Critiquing as I listen..

This sounds really beautiful. The epic alt picking gets kinda chaotic for me, though.

The interlude is pretty nice. I like that. This is really good so far. Prechorus is good. But then the verse sounds kind of chaotic. I think it's just the crappy midi drums in guitar pro, though. Postchorus break down fits fairly well. Would sound good in real life. All of the other prechorus' and verses sound pretty damn tight. :P

Progression is awesome. Sweep riff sounds good. A bit slow for what I consider a "sweep", but it sounds good mate. Transition 3 SOUNDS REALLY GOOD! Alternate verse is good too. But looks hard to play.

Sounds pretty good. I would gladly like to hear this on an actual recording. 8.5 out of 10.

C4C mine, sir? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1334993
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
#14
wow dude, i really really liked this haha. first song attempt was a success, your a talented guy! the only thing i maybe didn't like was the breakdown after the first chorus, other than that this was a pleasure to listen too, nicely done!

maybe crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=24634911#post24634911