#1
I'm pretty new to writing lyrics, however I've decent writing skills (Or so I'd like to think), so I've tried my hand at writing some. Let me know what you think, it's a work in progress, by no means is it finished.

Elapsing an allegiance of heart within hand
A pinkish caress that I no longer Withstand
As time unravelled It became less obscure
A chimerical reality of which im unsure

Descrying the true colours of a silver bordered portrait,
Reveals beautiful poison, in my chalice's drip
Admiring the silhouette of a sadistic man's forfeit
I sipped the sweet venom, amidst a silken lip

Unwavering exposure of heartfelt disclosure
In a profounding new void, my dreams destroyed.

Spreading of a panoramic fracture, from the inside
Resulting from a plight of which cannot be rectified

Sinking below the depths of sunken hope allured,
Blue and crimson anguish, I never felt before
My lungs indulge apathy, my teeth sink in aggress
Wishing for what I Thought I had, the rest I could suppress


Let me know what you think, and criticism very much welcomed!
#2
You sir, have quite a vocabulary. It's very descriptive and does engage a reader, but I think of this as more a poem. In song form...it just doesn't seem like it could flow as well. As lyrics go, you want words that the listener can relate to and I don't think many people would "get" them. Not to mention being able to sing like that I would imagine being quite the tongue twister, but if you can do it, more props to you.

I did enjoy this though. It's dark and seems like a trance.

My lungs indulge apathy I love this line. It would be so simple to say, "I couldn't breathe," but saying it that way makes the lungs take on a characteristic of their own. Keep it up, and again with the vocab, awesome. A little much for most people but it's nice to see it.