Okay, critting as I go: change the 8th fret Db in measure 4 to a D. The dischord before it uses a D, the metalcore riff at bar 24 onward uses D, it feels out of place, and not in that cool way

Speaking of that part at 24, that's the most generic metalcore riff I've ever heard. It was actually not too bad until there, but personally I'd scrap that riff entirely. Just my two cents though! Also the triplet at bar 35 is out of place, doesn't fit with the rhythm there, you might consider replacing with two dotted 8ths and a regular 8th instead.

Sorry to sound harsh but I'd really try to make this a bit more original. It's REALLY, REALLY metalcore/deathcore, like almost from a template. Again, not in a harsh way, but.. spice it up! Variety is the spice of life
Okay let's crit this one.
You begin with a breakdown, why not? BUT you have to change bar5 (and maybe bar 4) because they completely destroy the groove of the 2 first measures. HEre you have to make a choice! Begin with a breakdown OR a chord.

Then the lead. Not bad. But there's no snare here! Put some it will sound better.

Hope there's something going on at bar 23 like a scream/pickslide/etc... because it's really bad for the flow of a song to put blank like that. Don't ever do things like that, it reveals a lack of creativity from you :/

Then the metalcore riff. I like it even if I have heard it lots of time. Dont core for what LessThanLuke wrote. But I agree with him, the few triplets you wrote are bad.

48-49 are ok. A breakdown is breakdown.

Another thing which you could improve a lot is the transition 62-63. Here it's just too sudden.

Then you wrote a good riff. But it needs some change. The way I feel it is a bit odd.
For example, could you play this chord?


No you can't, or it will sound bad. So try to make it more pleasant to hear.
Overdub is ok.

Then again a common breakdown. Too sudden and NO snare!
The following chords are a good idea. But make them come gently.

Then you return to the breakdown. And try to improve it. I see what you want to do but it seems like you tried your best without achieving it. You'll need more practice.

Not that bad, but this style is so common that you will need creativity to get your tones have their listeners.