Hey guys, this is one of the first songs I've written. It is not quite done yet but I'm pretty happy with it so far and would love some criticism. If you do give me feedback I'd be more than happy to listen to some of your work. Thanks!
You have some really strong parts here with a strong emotion.
Hope you'll put some lyrics, it will give the song an other dimension. For the moment it still feels a bit monotonous.

Breakdown I is ok. But Breakdown is superfluous: you can put 180 and 185 one after another, it sounds good.

From this work, I liked the mood of most parts but I still crit the fact that there's not enough contrast. Maybe with a singer: you can do some parts with whispering, others with singing and maybe few with screaming.
Very dramatic song. It would be great for a movie scene or perhaps a single on an album. Lots of balls.

Great synth part. I like good synth part. You also took time to really set up the RSE on this piece; props.

The lead guitar part has some really good stuff, especially the arpeggios.

Drums are quite impressive. Very powerful. Fits the song well.

I like your chord progression overall, it might get a bit on the repeated side a bit, but it's solid.

The bridge is really cool. I admire your use of syncopation.

The breakdown is probably the coolest part of the song in my opinion.

All in all, I don't think I could justify in giving this song any less than a 9/10.

Maybe an 8.5, but I don't think so.


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Thank you both for listening to my work and critiquing it, this gave me some great feedback. I do plan to add vocals to this song and should have said in my first post, hopefully it will fill out the song a lot more.
This is some great stuff man. The only thing is some of those chords look painful to play(those minor chords in the verse). Other than that though I really don't have problems with anything else. The Lead Guitar was probably the best part, some very cool riffs you've got in there.

You've already critiqued one of mine so don't worry about it.
That was nice man! Loved the intro, reminded me of like a tribal sound mixed with some Cynic. The breakdown was nice too, I was pleasantly surprised to find out it's not like a deathcore breakdown.

THe overall feel to me had a modern yet proggy, relaxing feel. My only probelm with it is to me it almost sounds too relaxed or maybe lacking dynamics or something, to me it feels like somethingthat would work best almost as background music, and I don't know if that's good or bad. Also, unless you intend to fade out the outro, I'd come up with something else because to me it seems to end abrupty, without much closure.

Overall I'd give it about an 8 or so, good job


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liked a lot the intro, one of my favourite parts

dont know if you wanted that or not, but the pre verse gives a feeling way to different than the one given in the intro

Verse is cool

Pre chorus is painful

Chorus is awsome, but kinda painful as it is inspired in the pre chorus

Finally someone who makes a simple and cool bridge

The breakdown again is giving me another feeling, but after all it is a breakdown

liked a lot the idea used in Breakdown II

overall it was a cool song bro, 9/10
Thanks for critting mine.

The intro was very good. Sort of dramatic. Some good guitar work in there.

The chording after was cool. The strings gave it something extra, in a good way.

The part after with the lead guitar was also very cool, especially when Rhythm guitar 2 comes in.

And then, until Measure 165, its the same pattern repeated, which gets a little repetitve imo. Don't know if vocals are planned or not but thats just my opinion.

Measure 165 was awesome though. A very good riff that fits nicely in the song.

I loved measure 182-192. Sounded good on GP, so should sound even better on a guitar.

The outro part was cool too. I like the lead a large amount, and it finished the song very nicely.

Good song overall. I'd say 9/10. Good job

Sorry it's not much of a crit compared to yours.
wow, for a first song, this was actually really good. reaaally good.

Anyway, some things I noticed: You may want to fit the rhythm guitars to the drums. Though it isn't that bad in a melody driven piece like that, it can get dull to always hear the same rhythm in the guitars, while the drums actually make for a lot of rhythmic variation. Seems like a waste to me.

Another point is the breakdown near the end. I can kinda hear that "first song" feeling there. This part is too weak and too boring in itself. The rhythm is predictable, the licks you used in that riff is generic.

So, in such a breakdown it's all about contrast, if the buildup before the breakdown is stronger (as in louder), than the breakdown will be more effective.
Using a riff that has been played earlier on in the song is always a good idea. It especially works well with intro riffs. I don't see any riffs in this that could be used to amplify the effect a bit though.

So, to spice the riff up, bars 166 and 170 are perfect for bass and/or drum fill ins.
Bar 171-172 and 179-180 are just sscreaming "nothing to see here, just a boring melody" You know what the problem with that melody is? No matter how you'd change the given notes around, it would still have the same effect.

Just try to make the whole breakdown thing more rhythmic, more percussive, mroe refreshing. You don't have to be afraid that this might be too different to the rest of the song, because that's the point of it.

Aside from that, since you said this is still a work in progress, I could totally picture the whole part after the breakdown as an outro. The very last riff you have is perfectly suited for a fade out, you might want to consider that and tweak some things if needed.

I am also missing a solo here. The bridge part is suited for that and it would enhance the effect of the breakdown even more if the solo is structured and phrased properly.

But enough of the negative things, this song has beautifull melody and there are only few songs on here that make such a good use of strings as this piece. On top of that, your drums also are really well tabbed.

For a first song this is definitely 10/10, I'd really like to see more of your stuff in the near future

For c4c, I'd like you to take a look at my most recent piece. It's so recent that I have yet to finished it, I'll most likely have it up in the next hours or something

edt: concerning actaderocks (hope I got that name right) crit, the pre chorus had great chords and melodies, it perfectly fit in.

I don't see where it could be considered painful since the slight dissonance in there gets resolved right on.

edit2: here's the link for C4C
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Last edited by thorbor at Aug 23, 2010,
wow, lot of good critic right there.
really liked the track, favourite part would be right at the end, interlude phrase I onwards.
this track is really good to solo on, why didn't you put in one?

the intro is really good. and i love the c# which creates tension going into the pre-verse.
verse looks fine, pretty standard, guitar wise. but the strings, are beautiful !
however, pre chorus came too soon for me.
if i were u, i would do the chorus differently. instead of playing the standard chord every 1/8th beat or so, i would play it just once. one chord per bar, if u get what i mean. creates better tension.
i would also like you to work towards making the bridge sound more different.

breakdown, it is pretty groovy.

from there on, my favourite part starts

overall, a pretty good track, esp. when this is the 1st for u. drums sound good, but end up getting repetitive. i am not a bass player, so can't comment on it.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1357307
This piece has very strong similarities with "No World for tomorrow" - Coheed and Cambria, right down to the 3/4 time sig, maybe too strong.
Examples include the pre-chorus, bridge and breakdowns.

The song is good though, I especially like how all the instruments work great together in the verse