#1
Im so tired of being Depressed,
These feelings they make me, wanna Supress.
The things that i hold, Dear to my heart.
My thoughts, my dreams, tearin me apart.

I thought about doing it, Once or Twice.
Though I know i'd never do it.

I wish I had Friends, I wish i had a life.
I wish i had a girl, Sometimes i wish i would die.
It hurts when i push, all these thoughts away.
inside im crumblin, Each and Everyway.

I thought about doing it, Once or Twice.
Though I know i'd never do it.

Everyonce in a while, there's a hint of happy.
But it just passes.
Everyonce in a while, I get a feeling of Glad.
But it just passes.

Sometimes i wish i could be in other people shoes.
and feel what its like, to do what i choose.
Im locked in this prison. Forever i think.
Never to be happy. I always think.

===================================

This is kinda what im feeling. Striaght from the Heart.
Gear:
Horrible Strat,
Horrible Amp,
Looseleaf paper = Abundand

Saving up for:
Jackson JS30RR
A BETTER AMP,
#2
Quote by Nccdaley
Im so tired of being Depressed,
These feelings they make me, wanna Supress.
The things that i hold, Dear to my heart.
My thoughts, my dreams, tearin me apart.
it sounds straight from the heart but a bit cliche.

I thought about doing it, Once or Twice.
Though I know i'd never do it.
its not very hard to relate to this couplet

I wish I had Friends, I wish i had a life.
I wish i had a girl, Sometimes i wish i would die.
It hurts when i push, all these thoughts away.
inside im crumblin, Each and Everyway.
okay, now this is just getting deppressing.

I thought about doing it, Once or Twice.
Though I know i'd never do it.

Everyonce in a while, there's a hint of happy.
But it just passes.
Everyonce in a while, I get a feeling of Glad.
But it just passes.
Glad made me think of the saran wrap

Sometimes i wish i could be in other people shoes.
and feel what its like, to do what i choose.
Im locked in this prison. Forever i think.
Never to be happy. I always think.
the last stanza evoke the most imagery and in my opinion was the best.
===================================

This is kinda what im feeling. Striaght from the Heart.



well, it was okay, it seems like you were kind of just describing your feelings rather than putting them into metaphorical context, sorry your feeling this way.

mind critting my piece?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=24597043#post24597043
Quote by herby190
When I saw that, I thought of musical notes.... my elementary school teachers taught them as "tee-tees" "ta-tas" and a bunch of other nonsense....
#4
Im so tired of being Depressed,
These feelings they make me, wanna Supress.
The things that i hold, Dear to my heart.
My thoughts, my dreams, tearin me apart.


This a subject that's been covered many times, much like any love song. I know it's hard not to use the word depressed, but it'd be good to work without it.

I thought about doing it, Once or Twice.
Though I know i'd never do it.


This is good. Also that you don't even have to mention the word suicide, everyone knows, and you don't have to be blunt about it.

wish I had Friends, I wish i had a life.
I wish i had a girl, Sometimes i wish i would die.
It hurts when i push, all these thoughts away.
inside im crumblin, Each and Everyway.


First two lines aren't any good. I know it may be what you feel (or writing about, whichever) but it's very cliche' and disengages the reader (listener if song). Now the next two lines have a good flow, even if it is "away" and "everyway".

Everyonce in a while, there's a hint of happy.
But it just passes.
Everyonce in a while, I get a feeling of Glad.
But it just passes.


This just seems more of a filler than anything. I don't think it necassarily hurts the writing but it doesn't help much either. Hint of happy doesn't flow as well as happiness would or a word similar meaning. Same for the next line. A thesarus would work good for that.

Sometimes i wish i could be in other people shoes.
and feel what its like, to do what i choose.
Im locked in this prison. Forever i think.
Never to be happy. I always think.


All in all it works. It's certainly not a redemption poem/song. It's dark and does portray a bit of being doomed, which from many people who have clinical depression very much express. Like being locked in a prison. If you can spin this another way without actually saying that, I think it would give it a bit more intrique. Think if you had no way of describing that line. This is when it's good to use childlike descriptions.

Hope the critique helps and take everything I say with a grain of salt. Remember, it's your writing, and don't let someone else take the integrity of the lyrics away.