#1
My Japanese friend showed me this Japanese band he liked and got me addicted to it and usually I don't like foreign music. One day I got interested to see what the lyrics were in English. I looked and I grasped the meaning of the song but a lot of things made no sense what so ever when put into English. I want to cover the song in my band and the song has no flow in English over the actual music. So basically I almost rewrote the whole song save for the chorus and changed some words to make sense and flow better. Let me know what you think about this song I "semi wrote" I'm not a big fan of the last line in the chorus but I'm tired and lazy right now.

An animal of a manual life
Average is the best policy
Even if the policy comes all apart it's O.K

Damage my image?
That is all right
A calorie off now I'm happy
A malnourished heart is O.K

Instant Music
It's flooding our world
Our Children our drowning
Diet Music
Oh, look how it enthralls them!
Well **** that

The animal of an average life and boring life
Happy to be made to navigate
But a counselors whisper is O.K

A rented sentimental
My stress is zero, look I'm happy!
Getting a pipe cut would be O.K

Instant Music it's flooding the world
Children are drowning
Diet Music
Oh, look how it enthralls them
Well, **** that!

Instant music
It's flooding the world
The Adults are growing fat
Resistant Music
Okay, so plug your ears
Well, **** that
Last edited by SmokeJs at Jul 4, 2010,
#2
Hey, I'm a HUGE fan of Japanese music, so I'll point out one thing to start off.

Japanese people aren't english. Their culture, language and lives are COMPLETELY different to their english counterpart. What they right might make sense to them, but means absolutely nothing to us. I've tried to do something like this with the song 'A Fact of Life- F.A.C.T.' and really did uber fail. So well done for taking this head on! What song would this be anyway, I might have heard of it

Overall, I think this piece is good. Upon my first read, I think you have too many theme's running through it. I like the themes a hell of a lot, but I think you've crammed in too much into the space that you have.

I think if you were to use a biological heart as the single theme it would work, because it seems to be the most prominant theme. That way you could change a bit of it, yet keep all the lines about animals and the 'Getting a pipe cut would be O.K.' because I think these are the two best line in the piece.

Being honest, I don't get 'The Adults are getting fat', but it's probably my primative understanding of the english language

I don't think many people will appreciate however, how hard it is to change lyrcis from Japanese to English, and still keeping to the songs original meaning. I personally think you've done a fantastic job, and it's clear you have talent, just beware of the Japanese language!


There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness
#3
Quote by Sorahana
Hey, I'm a HUGE fan of Japanese music, so I'll point out one thing to start off.

Japanese people aren't english. Their culture, language and lives are COMPLETELY different to their english counterpart. What they right might make sense to them, but means absolutely nothing to us. I've tried to do something like this with the song 'A Fact of Life- F.A.C.T.' and really did uber fail. So well done for taking this head on! What song would this be anyway, I might have heard of it

Overall, I think this piece is good. Upon my first read, I think you have too many theme's running through it. I like the themes a hell of a lot, but I think you've crammed in too much into the space that you have.

I think if you were to use a biological heart as the single theme it would work, because it seems to be the most prominant theme. That way you could change a bit of it, yet keep all the lines about animals and the 'Getting a pipe cut would be O.K.' because I think these are the two best line in the piece.

Being honest, I don't get 'The Adults are getting fat', but it's probably my primative understanding of the english language

I don't think many people will appreciate however, how hard it is to change lyrcis from Japanese to English, and still keeping to the songs original meaning. I personally think you've done a fantastic job, and it's clear you have talent, just beware of the Japanese language!

Thanks for the feedback! Their are still a lot of things that I want to change, the ending of the song is actually the original. This was a quickie edit but overall I think it's going the right direction. You're right about the Japanese language not translating well to English all the songs from this band translate horribly except for one. I can still understand the message but they use a lot of obscure metefores and describe things way differently.

The band this is from is called "the pillows" they've been deemed the Japanese Beatles. They sound like the Beatles mixed with a little bit of Nirvana with some of the pixies thrown in. The song is actually called "instant music".
Last edited by SmokeJs at Jul 4, 2010,