#1
It's a WIP, although it's vastness (300+ bars) would say otherwise.
There's far too many sections in this quagmire, but I would rather not have to remove any of them. Perhaps I'll streamline and remove some riffs within certain sections, but removing any one section would make it collapse, at least for what my original concept of what this song is supposed to be.

I do not want to hear,"Oh, this section needs drums here, there a 4 bar silence gap". I'm well aware of that dipshit. The majority of the song is finished, why are you focusing on such minute surface issues?
Again, tell me of the integrity of the song, what it's missing, what could be downsized/remove, and your thoughts on the conclusion.

C4C as usual.
Attachments:
D_A_Src.zip
#2
Alright, critting as I listen:

1: Ooohhh. Funky. I'm enjoying this. It's setting up the rest of the song for a kind of funky thing. Bar 8ish... that riff is nice. Exactly where I thought it was going to go.

B: It seems a little disjointed honestly. I think it's more the bass than the guitars though, cause when the second guitar comes in it's a little better. I can't put my finger on what it is about the bass that bothers me, but I know it does. I'll try and come back to it. I think it's the two 8ths right in the middle of the bar.

Reign of Hope: Very nice. More progressive sounding than the other sections, but it keeps that sort of funky thing going that you've done very well at having. Yes... I realize it's not really funk ;] 45 is a MARVELOUS way to intro the next section.

FEAR and Loathing: Interesting progression. The chords that create tension do it very nicely. I can kind of see where the Fear part comes in, especially with the double time feel. Nice mini-solo too. Good job accenting the color tones and really bringing out the chords.

Fear Pt. 2 - I guess this is the cool down after the fear? You got into it very nicely. It's a good section. Not much to say haha

Fear into Greed: I can tell when it stops becoming an extension of fear, and that's a really good part. The way you started, what I assume, is the "Greed" section early and hid it was very nicely done on your part. Made it a really easy transition. The kind of djenty section worked up until the tempo change. It seemed a little abrupt, honestly. It kind of ruins the flow? Maybe add a drum fill with a steady accelerando.

ANGER!!!: Definitely has that more sped up angry sound. I'm not too fond of the riff, but that's just a personal preference. At 148 your lead is real nice. Adds some good color to the riff. The little solo at 165 is good. I really enjoy the fade in.

Involuntary Twitch: It just SOUNDS very twitchy and stuff. Favorite part right here. Reminds me A LOT of The Faceless. Enjoy I do. I do have to ask... what's with the rest at the end?

Lovely Acrobatics: It's like a demented ballerina. I enjoy the progression a lot. The lead is very nice. Best part of this section.

Sweet Embrace: The fade in lead is AMAZING. I LOVE it. I take back what I said... THIS is my favorite section.

The New Dawn: We're back to that funky kinda bass that the intro had. You brought it back in a good way. The transition was smooth and the solo over it was really good. You've got a knack for good phrasing.

Reign of Hope: Reminds me of Avenged Sevenfold, honestly. Like... their City of Evil album. It's not a bad thing. I enjoy it. Good way to get into.. Death?

Death: Maybe something should be here? haha I dunno. I guess it conveys it's title very well?

Chelas Down South: I don't really like this section that much. It changes the entire feel of the song way too fast for my tastes. Good bass solo though! Maybe make it more pronounced?

Hidden Compassion/Unity: Measure 313 makes me laugh every time I hear it . It gets a lot better once 319 hits and the drums start riding... the ride. Great ending. Sets it up for another song/sectionifdoneright.

That was a pretty good song! It started off strong, and then got better, and then seemed to go south. You have great leads though... I enjoy them a lot.

9/10!

C4C? Dead Bird in my sig or here. Thanks and good song :]
#3
Good show my man!
That's the kinda crit I was looking for.

On B: I think you're right about the 2 middle eighths. The percussion doesn't really support them and it messes with the guitar line. I'll see what I can do here.

Fear into Greed: I had to rework that transition, as it originally supposed to lead into that Hidden Compassion section at the end. But every time I listened to it, it was just so weird to go into the heavy riff at anger. So I made the djent section instead. Somewhat of an after-thought that might actually be worthwhile now.

Involuntary Twitch: Again, somewhat of an after-thought that I wanted to share similarities with the 8-bar djent before this, but also have the same chord voicings as the Lovely Acrobatics/Sweet Embrace section.
The rest is a bit unnecessary, so I'll to fix that.

Death: This is somewhat of a cheap joke on my part. I'm thinking of doing something that is antithetical to the intro riff, which is named "Sunrise". Or something really quiet and doom like.

Chelas down South: It's a mix of pseudo-thrash and ranchera/Mexican folk music. If I can't re-work into something more substantial, I'm gunna get rid of it.

Hidden compassion/unity: Those 4 bars show how little I know of polyrhythms. I do realize they sound out of place. It's another cheap joke, on the nature of "progressive" bands and their ridiculous drum styles. I should put an insert there stating that. I glad you laughed, as it beats a dead horse into the ground.
#4
So, I´mma crittin´ this now, after a hard week of hustlin´ yo.

just kidding, I´ve had to listen to this quite a while to make up my mind about each section. That´s why the return is a bit.. slow. It lived up to my enormous expectations, since all of your pieces set those very high.

Now to start, I don´t think i should write crits for each section, since most of them are so fluid. But lets start: The intro gives of a great vibe, especially the bass playing! The time signature changes also add a very nice touch. Great groove on the drums, very nice interaction with the melody. The transition into the next section is very smooth, and i love the panning! The tempo change was very smooth into Reign of Hope, and I love how the chord changes are sliced up into this delicious melody. I simply love the fear & Loathing part, especially the hihat groove in the beginning! very intense parts, and a very fitting solo, which actually had me humming. The next sections are very fluid transitions, and contain a great groove. I especially love the bass in Fear into greed, with it´s rhythmic position in the wall of sound. Your riffage is quite unique, and manages to just get the right amount of dissonance! I also love how smooth the song goes on, very professional.

So, 128 bars are over! Anger part sounds good on its own, although I could imagine having vocals over it. Love the little solo panning bits, very fitting. Next part is very modern sounding, and as I said before, you manage to get a very unique sound. Very nice voice leading in the chords in acrobatics, and very dynamic drums! I love the kick intro to embrace, and I love the melody! A great way to get the desired effect. I also love how little you change in the chord progression, yet still get it to sound new in every section. B2 has more of this great panning, and the lovely intro chord changes. The little solo is also very tight, and provides a great transition to Reign of Hope, which climaxes, thanks to very energetic drums into 4 bars of silence. I just hope you won´t release the überdissonance in this part, because the following sounds just great. I love the bass solo and the muted strings, a great idea to use. I think Hidden compassion/unity sounds better without the drums, because I think every second bar needs 1 more snare hit at the end, however, the ending is very thight, with its minimalistic approach.

That´s it? Well, I hope there will be more bars in the full version! Honestly, I don´t think that any section needs to be cut, since it all fits together so well. I´m not the biggest fan of this type of music, as you know, but this really caught my interrest. Please keep me posted about updates on this one, I would like to crit the full version too!
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Quote by Lord-O-Donuts
Banned for being the coolest April 08'er on UG.


please check out my own album:
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#5
First issue -

Part B

The styling and feeling would suggest a melody that "dances around a rhythm"; Only issue is there is no solid rhythm behind it and therefore it's like 4 people dancing different things at the same tempo, although it starts and ends at the right place, it does not accentuate anything properly and leaves no lasting impression.

And so comes back the major flaw with, well, many of your riffs that fall a bit short from your really good ones - the lack of cohesion in the rhythm section so that the listener's brain can properly assimilate the unorthodox interweaving melodies that constitute the rest of the piece.

Like bar 33... Why is every instrument accentuating on different times? It ends up leaving one thing in my head - the very solid guitar riff, and the muddy bass and drum line underneath just becomes muddy and not only unimportant, but sort of distracting, and then the alternating melodies don'T seem to.. complement any central point. Like there's no primal focus in the ideas.

Bar 49 - it works except I truly feel the drums would benefit much more by accentuating the way the bass does with the octaves, on the snare, for benefit of dynamics and drive.

The next riff at 61 is the best riff of the song in my opinion, got that really cool frantic feel on every instrument, and the guitar rhythmic and melody is strong enough to allow the bass and drums to dance around it and still sound cohesive and memorable.

Switch at 85, I can't say if it's good or bad, guitar pro limitations and tempo switches make me unable to say how it would really sound so I won't pass judgment - however the way it sounds currently, sounds like a hiccup of uncertainty.

Fear into Greed works rather well, interesting part and cohesive, although the tonality it is in sounds a bit strange to me, I can't tell you it sounds off or bad at all, the riffing is well structured and well accomplished.

The second part of the riff with the bends is really sweet, and then the transition afterwards... I don't know how that works, but after listening three times, it just does. Interesting, lol.

Your ANGER part sounds to me like... not as much anger as a bunch of drunk irish bastards having a friendly bar fight while dancing the polka. Don't ask.

The solo that starts with a fade in is the best one in the song, and the riff that comes in afterwards is the absolute bomb diggity, that turns me on.

Seriously.

That involuntary twitch part gave me a huge hardon, that was awesome.

Lovely acrobatics is probably the best structured part in the entire song when it comes to instrumentation complementing each other, it works the best, yet while being the simplest part, it really is the one with the best drive and it's the best accomplished, most memorable part, in my opinion.

There's just one thing I have to ask, why are there so many mini solos/lead lines everywhere in the song? Sometimes I feel that they'Re really nice but other times... they seem unnecessary.

Your bass solo was awesome though, even though the section well, I have no idea where you got that idea from, funny stuff though. I like the touch of humor in there =).
The drum solo afterwards could have used some cymbal/bass drum punches to accentuate secondary rhythms in there - drum solos are often multi dimensional and I felt this one was a bit unidimensional.

EAnding seems... inconclusive.

Again I feel like this is one of your pieces which lacks rhythmic cohesion and proper dynamic usage/punches. Interesting ideas though... not sure what to think of it overall. I don't think it's my thing, I don't think I'd listen to it again, but it's not something I would tell someone to turn off or find distasteful - maybe a bit more disjointed, and disorganised rhythmically and harmonically than anything else.

If you'd like to brutalize one of my songs in return, check out my uber folder in my sig, and pick a song.
#6
Hey, sorry about the massive wait - but be aware that I've remembered the whole time that I owed you a crit.
Let's get into it.

An interesting start, what with the bass. I have no complaints about this section, although it did take a few listens to get used to.

B being in the same vein, it's also well put together. Rhythmically it starts to get a little confused though, to my ears. Reign Of Hope was very welcome, I must say. That and FEAR & Loathing are excellent - very fast and fierce.

The Fear, Pt.2 is similar, but I do find bar 90 very odd - the dissonance there doesn't feel altogether intentional - it's interesting, but feels a little unsure.

More fine riffage with Fear into Greed. Sorry I can't really elaborate more than that - I'm not really into riffs as such, and so don't really have much to say about them. :P
I do agree with the others that the tempo change feels very abrupt - I would suggest not having the rhythm sixteenths all the way through that transition - try having one or two pounding quarter or eighth notes to ease into it better.
And this little mini-section feels very... empty, if that word can be justified here. It's just the almost random feel of the notes here - don't pay too much attention to me here, though, it's more my personal taste coming in than anything.

Damn, your leads in the ANGER!!! part are crazy. XD
Again, I can't really properly judge this part fairly - comparing to a different style, I would say that your leads are too quick and just flashy nonsense - but I think it works fairly fine here. Perhaps a slight overload, though?

Why didn't you develop Involuntary Twitch? I reckon that would've sounded amazing if you'd added all the backing behind it.

Lovely Acrobatics I can tell would sound great with real instruments, and it's probably my favourite section, mainly because of its chord progression.

The New Dawn is like B - a little confusing to listen to, and it doesn't feel like the instruments are really listening to each other.

I like Chelas Down South for the percussion and bass - probably the best instance of them in the whole song. I only wish that the chords on guitar were a little... nicer?
I feel that way about the outro as well. I agree with Jazz, it feels inconclusive.

For me trying to view this from the perspective that it should be seen from, it appears to be pretty competent - there's just a few niggles rhythmically, and then my personal taste interferes with things. Take everything I said with a grain of salt.
#7
Sunrise: This was a great way to set up everything. The fading chord progression and the melodies you make out of it were absolutely fantastic.

B: Good variation and I think it's pretty smooth to have everything in 6/4, instead of the time sigs switching like the first few phrases. I can't really decide if I like the drums as they are in this part. It keeps things flowing but it is a little jarring. I'd keep it as it is though. I guess it's just personal preference.

Reign of Hope: I liked the tempo change and loved the melodies starting at measure 37. The way the parts came together in this part was great.

FEAR and Loathing: A new motive is introduced for the first time here and I think it's very well done. The chord progression is very dark and interesting and the rhythms have a sort of driving feel to them. I love the slides on the lead parts and bar 57 is really cool. The solo was decent, but I think you could do more with it.

Fear pt.2: This part was an excellent way to get out of the previous section. I loved the tempo change and the transition into Fear into Greed.

Fear into Greed: Good idea to have the guitar chords ring out against the active lead part. I liked how you doubled the melody and changed the pacing of the drums. Great idea to do that to allow things to slow down. The riff at the end of that section absolutely destroys. Excellent idea there.

ANGER: At 120 bars through the song it's all pretty fluid so far, but at bar 121, the transition is not very good. The dramatic tempo change and the high register lead just doesn't work very well in my opinion and the absence of a bass part or any kind of rhythm guitar part just makes things awkward. It takes things too long to develop here. I don't really feel any coherence in the riffs until bar 141.

Involuntary Twitch: I can't really say much about this because it's incomplete, but I'm looking forward to seeing how you'll fill this section out. Just be careful to make the transition to the next part effective.

Lovely Acrobatics: I'm not sure why, but I don't really like this part. It's a little weak and I think it may be because of the drums. They don't seem to push things along, and I think you should create some more activity by adding some accenting with the snare. It may increase the energy in that part.

Sweet Embrace: The lead is really cool with the fadein effect. The transition into the part itself is very good. I love the slides by the bass too. That was a good idea.

B.2_ The New Dawn: Very good idea to bring this part back with the variation of the guitar chords. I love the beginning of the lead at 260. My problem with this part is that there is not a solid rhythm part. I think one is definitely well developed after that phrase though.

Reign of Hope Reprise: Good idea to put a solo over this part. I liked how you brought this back too.

Chelas Down South: This section seems really disjointed but it was a good way to transition into the next section. Whatever you choose to do with those blank measures, make sure it is a solid transition into Chelas.

Hidden Compassion/ Unity: I like this as an ending. The reference to the previous section by using the same chords is very good. I think you should end the song by letting the chords ring out instead of stopping everything. It'll allow for everything to be taken in better.

I'd appreciate your opinion on this song if it's not too much trouble
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1337349
Last edited by Progbass92 at Jul 17, 2010,
#8
I want to say that I LOVED the Chelas Down South part, and the way the piece so abruptly transitioned into (I liked the complete silence of Death) and out of that part. Don't get rid of it. The rest of it was also good, but The New Dawn and the Reign Of Hope reprise that followed New Dawn were my least favorite parts. The lead guitar in that section sounded jerky and poorly phrased. I didn't like it. I really liked the rapid time signature changes at the beginning and end though.

EDIT: if you want to C4C, you can criticize the stuff in the link in my sig.