#1
Looking back, I wonder
Is this everything
the darkest depths
of disordered reality

If only I
could find truth
that is not forged
to see beyond
the helpless
and starving

How many times
will my fingers bleed
searching for answers
answers of which I cannot conceive

Within lies hope
that I will overcome
that I'll no longer be
imprisoned by misery

We are destined
to meet our fate
but fate is blinded
blinded by distorted perceptions

If only I
could find truth
that is not forged
to see beyond
the helpless
and starving

How many times
will my fingers bleed
searching for answers
answers of which I cannot conceive

Within lies hope
that we will overcome
that we'll no longer be
imprisoned by misery

Within lies hope
#2
This is a rather powerful and emotional piece, and I can easily see this being performed with a lot of energy. I think overall that the song is good enough, and well structured, but (personally) think it could do with more verses, being as the majority of the song seems to be made up of the prechorus/chorus.

Overall, a solid job - nice work mate.

C4C? - https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1333764
#3
I agree it needs another verse, but I haven't been in the right mind frame to write it yet. This song is about my personal struggles with religion and mental illness. The overall concept is that throughout my life I have juggled between Christianity and Atheism. I've looked for evidence that God and Jesus exist, and even though I desperately want there to be a Savior and an Afterlife, there is no evidence beyond reasonable doubt that it exists.

The lines regarding truth that is not forged relate to the suspicion that the bible could be entirely fabricated. The ending of the first pre-chorus is a direct relation to my own mental illness and the fact that now matter how hard I try and how well I treat people in my life, I can never get ahead. I always suffer for my unconditional generosity and good will. The chorus, within lies hope, relates to my personal beliefs of Karma and being a good person. Even though I realize that being selfish and having no concern for the welfare of others would get me farther ahead in life, I don't want to be that person, and I don't wish to manipulate anyone for personal gains. I believe that self confidence in your beliefs will give you the strength you need to pursue your goals and ultimately happiness in your lifetime
#5
Great song to begin with but i read the backstory and it all makes sense how youve translated you emotions and thoughts onto the page and done a good job. That is a very personal piece and one i can relate with. Since its metalcore will it be sung or screamed? because i think alot of the message could be lost with screaming although well placed screaming could really bring the piece to life.

C4C song in my sig?
Faded Smile

C4C??

Proud supporter of the magical F*** you pixies
Last edited by -VulcaN- at Jul 5, 2010,
#6
It's intermittent screaming and clean vocals. The chorus is entirely clean. I haven't had a chance to pair it with any of the instrumental guitar tracks I've written. When I do, I'll have a clearer idea of how I want it structured. I'm not really sure I even want to play metalcore as a primary genre. I'm more interested in the alternative core / pop punk genres.

More along the lines of this. It isn't complete and hasn't been for years because I have no ideas for the verse. I just moved back from Phoenix to Denver, so I'll start recording and looking for a full band as soon as I get settled in. I was in a hard rock band in Phoenix and we were playing large venues but the vocalist was a complete egomaniac and wouldn't let me even write my own guitar riffs.

Chorus (5 chord descending/ascending/descending minor full bar chord progression in drop c)
Tell me all the things I want to know
Tell me all the reasons not to show
Why we're falling apart
While you're ripping out my heart
I am gonna miss you more you know
You never really missed me that much though
So now our seasons turned
Our lives have changed
They won't be rearranged

bridge - (group chant with 3/4 timing clapped with guitars fading in on the final goodbye and crescendo on the word back. Then descending pick scrape back into chorus)
Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye my friend
Goodbye, Goodbye, now don't pretend
Goodbye, goodbye, her eyes run black
Goodbye, I want you back
Last edited by MooSir2u at Jul 15, 2010,