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#1
TL;DR, originally from here: http://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html


You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And that’s when you met me.
“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”
“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”
“Yup,” I said.
“I… I died?”
“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”
“More or less,” I said.
“Are you god?” You asked.
“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”
“My kids… my wife,” you said.
“What about them?”
“Will they be all right?”
“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. You wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”
“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”
“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”
“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”
“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”
You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”
“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”
“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”
“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.
“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”
“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”
“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”
“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”
“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”
“Where you come from?” You said.
“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”
“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”
“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”
“So what’s the point of it all?”
“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”
“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”
“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”
“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”
“Just me? What about everyone else?”
“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”
You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”
“All you. Different incarnations of you.”
“Wait. I’m everyone!?”
“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
“I’m every human being who ever lived?”
“Or who will ever live, yes.”
“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”
“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.
“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.
“And you’re the millions he killed.”
“I’m Jesus?”
“And you’re everyone who followed him.”
You fell silent.
“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”
You thought for a long time.
“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”
“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”
“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”
“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”
“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”
“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”
And I sent you on your way.
"Why should we subsidise intellectual curiosity?"
-Ronald Reagan

"Knowledge is in every country the surest basis of public happiness."
-George Washington
#4
**** me...

Richwood Les Paul RE-135
Ibanez RG350DX
Takamine Dreadnought
Hohner Telecaster Copy
Epiphone Thunderbird-IV Pro
Crafter Cruiser bass
#5
SO I'VE BEEN BALLS DEEP IN MYSELF THIS WHOLE TlME?!?!
Quote by Nosferatu Man

T-shirts are a sign of degeneration and decline.
#7
nice read i guess.
The corners of your mouth feel dry and rather itchy, don't they?

(oh god, I just noticed this one) Your penis is never quite comfortable in its current position.

oh btw:
manual blinking activated
#8
Awesome story. Now, my fellow Cas-like people, confess!
Oh, you wouldn't want an angel watching over
Surprise, surprise, they wouldn't wanna watch
#9
Now that i've read it, that's an interesting way to look at things. But I guess you already knew that...being me and all...
#10
I'm glad I made this thread, that was a cool story.
Quote by Pleasure2kill
The truth is, Muslims never apologized for their faith having something to do with the attacks on 9/11.
#12
Dude that's to weird for me, it creeps me the **** out. I've physically had sex with myself.
#14
Quote by leeb rocks
SO I'VE BEEN BALLS DEEP IN MYSELF THIS WHOLE TlME?!?!

haha!
#18
I always thought that i might be everyone. It's a nice story, cheers for posting.

Quote by Karl Pilkington
Jellyfish are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water. It's more useful."
#20
I am the only person posting in this thread
Quote by Kumanji
How about you don't insult my friend's dead mum, you prick.


Quote by JDawg
Too be he had to be a dick about his crayons.
#21
More like this and the "met god on a train"-stories?

Quote by RubberPuppiessu
I am the only person posting in this thread

I see what I did there
Quote by Zero-Hartman
I just Google "Elephant penis", and was strangely aroused.



Apparently, I'm a good shitter

Quote by TomusAM
jonne.i just took the best dump I ever seen
#25
Quote by RobinTrower12
*head explodes*

My thoughts exactly.
Quote by Butt Rayge
Pretty sure Jesus was decaffeinated.


I'm just a hedonist without happiness
#26
Quote by sashki
Stop making new posts, then. Just edit them.


I know right? Or I'll report me to me and get me banned.
#27
Quote by sashki
Stop making new posts, then. Just edit them.



sashki, I'm hilarious.
...Stapling helium to penguins since 1949.
#28
Then all that sex is is complex masturbation with the potential of cloning?
THE FORUM UPDATE KILLED THE GRADIENT STAR

Baltimore Orioles: 2014 AL Eastern Division Champions, 2017: 75-87
Baltimore Ravens: 2012 World Champions, 2017: 4-5
2017 NFL Pick 'Em: 92-54
#29
Wow. That is some serious shit.
funkyducky


Icing happen when de puck come down, BANG, you know,
before de oder guys, nobody dere, you know.
My arm go comme ça, den de game stop den start up.

Quote by daytripper75
Get To Da Choppa!
#30
Quote by RubberPuppiessu
I am the only person posting in this thread


Wait, if I'm me and your me then who are you.
#35
Very pretty. First thing I open on UG today and its a form of what I believe in. Constant energy that flows directly and indirectly into our vessels through space and time.

For more mind****s and head explosions i'd recommend reading this wiki and then reading the book. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childhood%27s_End
Most of the important things


in the world have been accomplished


by people who have kept on


trying when there seemed to be no hope at all
#37
Quote by Amos_Moses
Wait, if I'm me and your me then who are you.

You. Also me.
#39
Aw **** yeah, I was Vlad the Impaler. Win.
How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!The world forgetting, by the world forgot...
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