#1
So, this is a song of mine that I just finished writing the guitar parts for (For an acoustic version, I'm hoping to ramp it up to a full band at some point). The lyrics are still kinda in their infancy, but I'd LOVE to get some feedback on it.

The song's named Disease, and it centers lyrically (At least at the present time) about a character dealing with depression. There's a whole long backstory and another couple of songs that have been done in the vein of a rock opera, but this one is relatively new. Take a listen, tell me what you think, and I'll get back to you on something YOU'VE recorded! I'd also LOVE to do a comp of this and the other songs in this mini-opera (As it stands right now) if YOU guys play and can record drums and bass.

Well, here it is and my profile. Take a listen to anything else on there too. Nothing's been rated and there are no comments on my profile, so it'd be kinda nice to see it get decorated with some stars!

http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/L2112Lif/music/all/play862107
#2
Your voice does complete justice to the acoustic guitar. But I don't think the acoustic does justice to your voice haha. I felt the acoustic got in the way abit in some parts. You sound like the lead singer from guns and roses which is amazing. Wow it ended k I'm guna play it again " Someone to save the day!" dude you rock!
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#3
Lol, thanks dude. I was kinda afraid someone'd say I was Axl... I tried to sound like Axl two years ago and got yelled at by a Gn'R fan who said that I sounded nothing like him. I'm still kinda new to the lead guitar + vocal part, which could conceivably muddy things up. Thanks man!
#4
Quote by L2112Lif
Lol, thanks dude. I was kinda afraid someone'd say I was Axl... I tried to sound like Axl two years ago and got yelled at by a Gn'R fan who said that I sounded nothing like him. I'm still kinda new to the lead guitar + vocal part, which could conceivably muddy things up. Thanks man!


**** that guy who yelled at you. I like your sound and if you decide to change it thats totally your call but I like what im hearing
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#5
Guitar accompaniment here is flawless - you've got a knack for doing that! What do you use to record? And also, do you sing and play at the same time?

Your voice goes so high without much strain! A natural tenor, just try not to push too hard - as some of those are extremely high to get! Fits fine with the guitar accompaniment - although I would like to see more instruments, such as drums or bass (acoustic maybe) as a backing... just to spice things up a bit.

Keep it up!


Comment on mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1332727
#6
Not the kind of music I would normally listen to but I really enjoyed it, wicked voice! I also thought it could use some more accompaniment though, sounded like an 'unplugged' version of a great song. Nice work!
#7
To start off, I notice the intro is very dissonant, compared to the mood relative to the actual song part. It just doesn't fit, there's no need for it. If it added some sort of set-up for rhythm or something, maybe.

The entire song, I have to say is well written.
Your vocals obviously portray mood, and feeling.

I mean this is something I could see playing on the radio.. "someone could save the day", that particular melody is groovin, has a solid rhythm and strumming pattern.
Rock solid song all together.

It changes and flows in different directions, yet relative to each other. Keeps it from being boring.

All in all, "meditate just to be sure" is what drew me to the fact that this song is very Alice in Chains. VERY Alice in Chains. Just imagine Layne singing those particular parts.

Can I have this song to put on my MP3 player? I honestly would listen to this a lot.
And can you email the lyrics? maybe chords?
Marijuana is the spice of life.

I Force Choke my penis when I masturbate.

8)-~
#8
The intro's just an F5 sliding to an E5, C5-D5-C5, F5-E5, G8-A8, essentially to set up and Emin feel... Yeah, I think you can download it from here:
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/6226271/Disease.mp3

I'm pretty sure you can save the audio file...

. As for the lyrics, they're still being revised, with just the chorus being saved. :P
#9
Leave that one part, I think it says "medications all padded up(?), meditate just to be sure".
But i prefer when you decend the notes on the "just to be suuure" part.
What are the proper lyrics for that part?
Marijuana is the spice of life.

I Force Choke my penis when I masturbate.

8)-~
Last edited by Raven  at Jul 7, 2010,
#10
Well, I originally wrote it as medications all just pile up, meditate just to be sure, but I'm hinging on Meditate just to pad it up, medicate just to be sure now that thats what you've heard, lol. I think it sounds better and means what I meant it to.
#11
I dunno man.. "medications all padded up (either symbolizing locking away all of your good feelings that 'medicate' you, or literally having your stash locked up out of your reach, which is how i percieve it, or w/e), medidate just to be sure (meditate, you know like 'think about it just to make sure this is reality, to make sure they ARE locked up and you're not just seeing things. basically just to think about it just to be sure)"

To me that line sounds so grungy and nice. Like I said I can picture Layne Staley hitting that vibratto.
Honestly this recording of the song is perfect, in my opinion. I love "medications all padded up", or "piled up" as you said works for me too. It's just about how the words SOUND together.

Not to mention the speedy jump from the medicate sound to the meditate sound. so smooth
Marijuana is the spice of life.

I Force Choke my penis when I masturbate.

8)-~
Last edited by Raven  at Jul 7, 2010,
#12
Holy cow man! This is definitely one of the better songs I've listened to on this site! Your vocals are fantastic and fit the song excellently. I love the guitar part too. I get the feeling you were listening to Alice in Chains' unplugged set before you wrote this
All in all, it's a fantastic piece and I have no complaints whatsoever. I'd definitely love to hear a full band play this.
#13
Lyric writing tips please? XD Great song, great vocals. You should do what everyone above said, add Bass and Drums.

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#14
This is really cool. As mentioned above, your voice sounds awesome. I do however think your guitar is slightly out tune on this recording. I could be wrong of course. Anyhow, if you want a guitar solo I could record one for you, and I can also program some drums for it if you'd like.

You, good sir, have not gone over to your friends house after a hard night of drinking to find 2 dudes passed out in the same room both holding their own flaccid cocks in hand, passed out, with porn on the tv.
#15
He already has a guitar solo in there :P
And programmed drums will sound like shit.

Keep the song like it is, the only way you're gonna find drums that sound nice is if you record with brushes or Hot Rods, and the hot rods will sound AMAZING if you drum like the guy in AIC.

Seriously don't ever program drums.. that's just lame, even if it sounds good it's just lame, because it's not a real person with real feeling custom for the song itself.
Marijuana is the spice of life.

I Force Choke my penis when I masturbate.

8)-~
#17
i dont particularly see a need to expand this to a whole band. it sounds like it was made for acoustic, but that might stem from the amount of passion you sing with. im digging the vocals for sure. the intro seems maybe a tad out of place.. the mood is kinda different than the rest of the song. but other than that, it was kickass.
great job.
#18
L2112Lif,
"Disease": Songwriting is very good. Guitars have very good audio quality. Once in awhile the timing of things (guitar and/or percussion) is not quite perfect, but otherwise the guitar playing is very good. Not sure if playing with a metronome or drum machine (which you could mute later) would have tightened up the timing a smidge. You sing well. When you are belting it out (which you do well), the vocals sound bright enough, but when you're not belting it out, the vocal EQ doesn't sound bright enough (high frequencies) compared to the guitar, in my opinion. Good chance it is a volume issue. Don't know if you used any sort of compression on your vocals, but if you didn't, it could help if done right. Very good overall!!
#19
Wow there's that voice again, insane.

Anyways, I enjoyed this though it's not my style really.

the best part that always grasped my attention was the "somewhere there's a cure...something something hearts are pure" that fit really well, and sounded pretty much like something i'd expect to hear on the radio or something, like a professional artist. Though the lower register verses were good too.

Reading some of the comments i also have to agree that the dissonant darker guitar part that comes in at the beginning and 3/4 through doesn't seem to fit at all. Though when it came in at 3/4 I thought it fit, and if you ended there would make sense, but i didn't feel it transitioned well to the pretty guitar part that came afterward. So if it was me I'd scrap that dark/dissnonant riff entirely, or find a way for it to transition better.

Easily my favorite part of the song was the very last 20 seconds, just cause that's more my style and it was done well. You had the nice falsetto which the strangely rising bass or synth? for a moment almost sounded like a cello part. Really brought out some mood i liked.

I think you could benefit from a lot more compression on your vocals, so that the lows come out just as nicely as the highs, it would feel much more cohesive imo. I alsothink once you get just a little bit more control in your voice, you're gonna sound even better.

but man it was small but that last 20 seconds with the falsetto and moody bass/synth was my **** haha.

anyways, keep it up!
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#20
Really relaxed song. Some of the highest notes sound like they are hard to get (I bet they are).

I can't really say anything, it's a good song. I'm just waiting for the song with a full band to JUDGE IT.

I can't say I criticised well but I still hope you give my acoustic song a listen.
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