#1
from one set of eyeballs to another i insure
no outburst of yours dull
or inane,
no breath unbeholden to the air surrounding it.

notice the atmosphere is absorbed and converted and dispensed idly by you
and all things living,
onward and outward to the infinite vagueness of sky or glass above,
adjoining us all and all of them in vapid exchange.

notice the perennial mosaic of man,
the ever-rich, ever-gradual bravura to which you'll contribute and fold, however deliberately.

inhale: you are breathing what has existed long before you or your lungs, you are breathing the result of countless millennia

exhale: you are breathing what will long-outlast you or your lungs, you are rebirthing and repurposing the stars
Last edited by Arthur Curry at Jul 6, 2010,
#4
I love the premise of this... absolutely love it. The existentialism weaved within the words and the images is something that brings me to nights lying alone on my warm driveway in the summer, staring up at the blackest sky with the brightest stars and wondering what range of years are being shown to me.
However, with the execution, I thought some of the wording was a little too... airy and antiquated. It's as if I couldn't believe you, as if the way you chose your words were stuck in a time that was much more narrow than that which your poem portrays...

still, enjoyed.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#5
thanks and yeah i respect your criticism. i tend to speak a bit loftily which i can imagine annoys readers.