#1
Oi !
Well, I'm new here and I decided to put up a song that I wrote to see what ya people think about it.

Btw. are there any croatians here reading this(?) since most my stuff is on croatian, not english.

I'm a soul, with no feelings
Walking this empty street
All alone in the dark, I wait for the fear
I wait for it to happen, to take me away
Into the darkness to make me crawl
And ask for forgiveness as I have to go

What if I don't wanna go ?
What if I don't wanna let go ?
What would people do if all I did was go away ?

Would they find a reason to cry, or would they just smile ?
What would be the words spoken ? Would tears come down their faces, or would laughter be heard throughout the town ?

If I said, I wanted to go, far away, to disappear into the fog
Would you mind ?
Or would you say "Go away !'' ?
And would I just walk away, without even saying goodbye ?
The sad thing is, it doesn't bother me one bit

I am a soul, with no feelings
that walks an empty street
watching the stars and the moon
disappearing piece by piece

What if I said..
What if ...
What if is always the question that I need the answer to
Never did I get it tho
Never did I try to question that same thing to myself
Never did I understand myself

Night time, cigarettes and alcohol
None of them makes it better
You're still that same person
That stayed up at night
And asked yourself the same question
Over and over again
''Why ?? ''

What if I said
That I don't want to go
What if I
Grabbed your hand and not let you go ?
Would you push me away and walk away
What would you say ?

An empty shell
Yea, that'd be me
An empty shell
Which nobody needs

Walking down the street
Surrounded by darkness
That's the moment
When the greatest of the lyrics
Come to your head
It's too bad, you forget them all
When you come home

What is it that you need to live ?
For I forgot
Actually, I never knew
What it was for me
That made me get up in the morning
And not die while dreaming

It really is sad
That nothing bothers me of it all
I really am, just an empty shell

What if I said
I wanna leave
But not let you go ?
What if there was never that
Accidental moment
When we met ?
And if you knew, it could've been the other way
What would you do ?
What would you say ?

I am a man
Of many flaws
Oh boy, don't I know
I try to list them all
But there are too many to keep up
So I just quit
And locked myself up

And yet, one of the few thing I wish for
Is to actually know, what is it that I want
I am a lost soul
Lost between a few choices of what I want to be
And I still manage to be none of them all
And to be a new kind of an asshole

What if I left, and went far away
Never looked back, never said goodbye
Never shed a tear or kissed you good night

What if I just died
Would they all just dance all night
I wouldn't really be surprised
To hear laughter and see tears of joy
At my own funeral, which means I'm gone

I am a soul
With no feelings at all
I walk this empty street
Not knowing what it means to be me

What if I said
That I love you
Like I can't even try to love myself

What would you do ?

What would you say ?
"One bourbon, one scotch, one beer" *And one deadman, walking this land, with nothing, but a drink in his hand.*

C4C ?
And that's life , Empty Shell
Last edited by MateusM at Jul 13, 2010,
#2
I really liked this. The format interested me, the sort of call and return between the insightful lines and the questioning ones. Some of the lines seem a tad weaker than the rest though or unnecessary in my opinion, such as "At my own funeral, which means I'm gone" and "Oh boy, don't I know". Overall though, I like it a lot. My favorite lines by far are "Lost between a few choices of what I want to be And I still manage to be none of them all". Good stuff
#3
I understand what you mean, they're put there practically for the rhyme, just couldn't come up with anything else :P
Thanks
"One bourbon, one scotch, one beer" *And one deadman, walking this land, with nothing, but a drink in his hand.*

C4C ?
And that's life , Empty Shell