This is just something I want to write. Read it if you want, click back if you want, I don't care but this is my life story thus far as a 19 year old guy trying to find his place in this world.

I have lived in North Dakota all my life. Many people do not really have a good picture of what it is like to live here though. The city I live in has around 100,000 population and it is not a snowy wasteland, just your average middle-sized city.

I look back to my childhood and consider myself an average kid. Did enough to pass by in school, hung out with friends, caused the occasional mayhem, (which I still can not let go of that craving from time to time) and basically just lead a simple life. In first grade I realized my creative potential, and so did my teacher. I still consider myself very right brain oriented, I am not analytical and do not plan for the future. I strive off intuition and doing what I want to do.

I made it to 7th grade and this was one of my favorite years. Had a hot girlfriend, got along well with a large variety of my classmates, got into a lot of mischieveous adventures, picked up skateboarding and just in general, I had a good time. At this point my parents started noticing I was somewhat of a slacker that did not have much motivation. My dad at one point even called me a hoodlum and I am your average middle-sized city white kid coming from a family that lives comfortably but not extravagantly.

The rest of my junior high career slowly just got worse and worse. My grades began falling and I was passing classes with D's and really not giving two ****s about anything. 8th-9th grade I didn't apply myself in any way. My social life became hanging with the same 3-4 friends every weekend and doing things that I would think most kids my age were doing but this just wasn't enough for me. I always like a sense of something new, dangerous, exciting... These years just weren't offering me any of that. I started playing a lot of video games (particularly WoW) and just wasn't taking advantage of my life.

10th grade hits. I get put in a program in my school that was made for all of the underachievers. It was basically a crockpot of the 40 biggest slackers, troublemakers, druggies, and weridos the school had. It was a blast. Every single day in the classroom was pure insanity that I still can not fathom how we got away with it. Outside of school was much like my junior high story, not much going on at all. But this year held something special for me. I had my first experience with drugs, marijuana. While it was a very once-in-a-while occasional thing, I believe it did have some part in my changed perception. It rarely was an occurrence though because nobody in my group of friends was interested in taking drugs.

I formed a whole new idea on life and starting thinking about things a lot deeper. I started thinking about what it was to be happy and decided that being an average working citizen with an 8-5 was not going to cut it for me. I had this fantasy of living on the streets in California, conversing with bums and traveling around as a free man. I started thinking about everything 'differently' I am still not exactly sure what it is but no longer were things simple, everything was more complex... Deeper.

11th grade. Finally start having a fun social life again. My group of friends merge with another group that coincidentally had just started experimenting with alcohol and marijuana. One of my friends had a basement that was not watched by the parents at all and this quickly became the hangout spot where we would play beer pong and just chill around. It was a pretty good year. Hit up my first parties which were a blast but my schooling was still declining. At this point I was on the verge of failing classes. I just did not care about school and found schooling a huge inconvenience.

The most important part of this year though, was me picking up the guitar. I would play for hours a night, learning guitar tabs and trying to come up with my own songs. I felt it could possibly be the calling in life I had never found. It was giving me great satisfaction and I felt I was doing something worth my time.

12 grade. Hands down, best year of schooling thus far. Started smoking marijuana almost daily and drinking with friends every weekend. I also started hanging out with more people and diversifying which was great for me.School was actually fun because my classes were easy AND interesting. I was taking some art and photography classes which I always ended up making abstract, odd projects in. My teacher who taught saw my oddness in my work and in my personality. It wasn't a bad oddness in my personality but I feel like her and many of my classmates just wondered exactly what was going on in my head. Some class mates found me a spectacle as I would say the oddest most ridiculous things just to see what peoples responses would be. Had a brief relationship with a hot chick that ended after a night of us getting ridiculously drunk and having a pretty spicy makeout session. I really don't even understand what happened there.

The pot was affecting my mind, greatly. I can not stress how much my perception changed once I started smoking weed. I saw everything in a more mystical, cryptic way. The pot also lead to my first encounter with what I call a 'religious crisis'. I questioned if there was a god, and what happens after I die. It led to a weeklong, pot fueled, insanity driven philosophical session in which I questioned the human race as a whole and what we really were. It ended in me accepting the human race as just a random occurrence and me becoming agnostic. I stopped caring what happens after we die or if there is a god because I just feel humans will never know until death does them part.
College. Wow. What the ****. I split from all my usual friends because they all moved to different cities for college. I still had a few that I would hang out with that went to a different college but in the same town. At my college the first day I randomly ran in to 3 of the most notorious stoners/drug users in my high school. I quickly fit in to their circle and the 4 of us would just cause straight up ruckus.

Within the first two months I had been getting insanely blacked out at parties and being known as the insane kid that was a possible hazard to the house, crashing my car into someone elses and totalling both cars WHILE in the process of hitting a pipe, (which I somehow, in my stoned stupor was able to conceal before the cops got there) doing a plethora of drugs I would have never previously considered doing and hitting up my first festival.

At this point I had done marijuana a countless number of times, alcohol, a variety of opiate based pain killers, ecstasy, LSD, shrooms, opium, molly and various others that I know I am forgetting to mention. The biggest one was the LSD and ecstasy. Both gave me insane amounts of insight and solidified my personality which prior I felt was a little off.

While all this was going on, I was failing miserably at college. I went into graphic design which was foolish because that is not what I want to be doing with my life at all. It was so bad I would just not go to class and instead drive around and get stoned or do other drugs with my friends. I ended up dropping all of my classes within 3 months but I still lived in the dorms which I found hilarious. All 3 of my other friends coincidentally followed in my footsteps of dropping their classes and also ended up staying in the dorms anyways. Things were getting a little bit wacky, every night we were getting messed up on one drug or the other and we were causing some true havoc in the dorms. One story stands out the most in the dorms.

Me and my buddy got blasted on morphine while his roomate was in the room. We began standing on chairs and karate fighting. Which elevated to us climbing on top of the cabinets which were at ceiling level, and doing flips on to the bed. We were throwing chairs and objects around the room causing as much of a ruckus as we could. But as quickly as it started, it ended, when my buddy climbed on top of his wooden florecent light holder and ended up shatter the bulb all over the room and falling on his bed. I thought I was going to die with laughter, it was one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life.

I ended up clicking with one of my friends in our foursome more than the other two and we shared a scarily similiar view on life. The reckless, adventurous, unpredictable lifestyle was the life for us and it wasn't long before we began planning a trip to Hawaii with only enough cash to get there and then we would proceed to be bums living on the beach. Yes I know this sounds absolutely crazy to many people but to us it made perfect sense.
The best thing I found that was going on at this point was that my musical ability had been increasing exponentially. I began making complex songs on guitar, doing a lot of musical writing, coming up with lyrics, and I also began singing. At this point I knew music is what I am doing with my life.

Well the Hawaii trip did not plan out but we had a plan B. We were driving in my van to south California to go to a music festival called Coachella. This trip was the best experience in my life. For half a month we traveled from city to city, living in the back of my van and waking up somewhere new every day. The festival was amazing. If you are interested in music go to coachella.com and check the lineup for 2010. Mindblowing. We ended up buying a cookie with a LOT of acid in it and the trip became a mystical acid adventure with a variety of other drugs mixed in.

I return home to start living in my parents house again and start really diving in to music. I start jamming with friends from my old highschool and it produced some of the most beautiful experiences in my life. Synergizing with people I cared about and creating music was an experience I can not and will not attempt to try to put in tangible form but it was amazing.

I start basically just bumming around my town, doing drugs, going on small adventures and holding down absolutely no obligations. I wake up when I want, do whatever the hell I want during the day, and aimlessly go through life. That is where I am at right now, besides picking up a part time job, and it has become saddening to me. I feel that I am a talented person that does not apply themselves. The one thing that can truly set me free is music. Even the weed has started giving me anxiety and I recently have been refraining from it which makes life even more dull at times.

So now, I feel I have a few options. Follow through on my tenth grade dream of being a traveling vagabond, going through the work of starting a solid band with my friends, go back to college, or continue what I am doing now, nothing.

My dream is obviously to be in a successful band but it is also the hardest to attain. What I DON'T want to do is what I am doing right now. I am trying to get off my ass but my laziness is combating this effort.

Well. This is exactly where I am at right now. And if you are still reading this sentence I hope you have enjoyed my life story.

Blog it...

Title it "Life as a Snotfish"

Quote by CrossBack7
Momie's like not even a real person, just an asian, lesbian spirit.
Make yourself a nice sandwich!
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im more of a social godzilla than chameleon

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Alright, I'll give them a try, Japanese Black Speed rarely disappoints.

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Hmm judging from your pic you'd fit in more with a fat busted tribute.
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what is fap?
Last edited by muhQ at Jul 7, 2010,
Quote by Eddie4President
I actually read all of that.

And that's all you have to say after reading it.


Quote by CrossBack7
Momie's like not even a real person, just an asian, lesbian spirit.
Quote by Momentosis
And that's all you have to say after reading it.

To be fair, what could he expect us to say beyond cool story bro? He doesn't really ask for advice or anything.

EDDIT: Don't do kids, drugs.
The playground of the world
Good luck. I didn't read a word but you obviously have a problem to post your life story in the pit, so good luck with fighting your problem
Wow. All these words basically say you ruined you life with drugs.

Don't do drugs, kids. Might turn into a loser.
Need fashion advice?

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I wish I had a dick like a black guy instead of my little white dick.

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i love you more than words can express jean.

I saw Rick Astley in Quebec City, on April 10th 2009. Best day of my life!
7 of my friends tripped on acid and are now writing a book about how the world is an organism and the human race is cancer, slowly growing and killing off the earth
Quote by Littleangus44
7 of my friends tripped on acid and are now writing a book about how the world is an organism and the human race is cancer, slowly growing and killing off the earth

I believe that books already been written, several times actually.

Drop the whole 'be a free vagabond' idea. If 9-5 isn't going to work out for you, try your hand at music. If that doesn't work you either have nothing and continue doing nothing, be a normal 9-5 person and find an escape for yourself outside of work or hopefully you find something that just works for you.
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can i get a tl;dr up in this bitch?

A mod makes a joke and hi-jacks a thread...

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usually, this is often discussed in the political threads ...

let's change the question: are you pro or antti niemi?
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Watching a fat kid dance around in a white shirt....wow...Al Gore was right...the glaciers really ARE shifting.

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It's because Fassa got banned

RIP Dime
The last shit about not wanting to do anything but music but your unbelievable laziness and lack of motivation is stopping you relates to me entirely.

Thansk for the read, anyway