#1
Hey do you think you guys could help me with my writing? I'm not very good but I'm practicing and wouldn't mind some criticism:3

I've gone without feeling.
saving it all for someone.
lonely is what I'm being.
this current does not bind.
it simply reduces the drag.
the speed of which i kill.
when my temper will sag.
you will be ill of me.
(death metal so rhyming is out the window)

where do you find new friends.
where could i buy some love.
this place doesn't feel like home.
I've never been this alone.
in my dreams there are beasts.
from the deepest darkest holes.
they scream across my world.
clearing my head for more.
i don't know where you come from but can you leave.
its not right to taunt me for who i am or what i believe.
controlling me in a maddening manner so very crude.
my fears, paranoia, and memories not much else I do.
it scares me to think.
that you know how ugly i am.
and most can't just slide.
insanity seems hard to hide.
maybe I'm plain wrong.
or maybe just getting by.
flunking all that i got right.
because lucks not on my side.
#2
Quote by levi.lydat

from the deepest darkest holes.

i like the vagina refrence. keep up the good work.
#3
Quote by Goose Catcher
i like the vagina refrence. keep up the good work.
I thought i might have lost the reader, but I'm glad you can tell it's about wet dreams.
#4
I think it would be cool if the entire thing was one giant sexual innuendo
Some of it seems a little too literal though, nice story
Guitars & Gear:
Parker Nitefly M
Sumer Metal Driver
Ibanez RGD2120Z
AMT SS-11B
Two Notes Torpedo CAB