#1
Here's just a little something I've written and have no idea where else I can get some criticism from anyone so hopefully you all are generous enough to share your criticism with me. Good or bad. I just want to get better!

This is something I wrote while I was thinking of when I was dumped a year ago so excuse me if I'm a bit emo, please? ~_^

Here:

I step to this border that stems from your heart to me
And you hear my words out that make you cringe in your sleep
As you raise your hand forward to touch me so caringly
I wake up in horror to find it just was my dreams

I reach for the phone to save what maybe could be
And you answer with bitterness then you hang up on me
So I pull these bed pillows close so tight I can't breathe
Just to picture your body and I fall back to sleep

All these feelings and memories I see in my dreams
Have become the aroma I needed just so I breathe
And as I start to wake from my fantasies
I picture this gun just to put me back to sleep


And that's all I have so far. I'd appreciate any kind of feedback! I really want to get better!! Please help!