#1
Hello good people, I've been really busy with seeing if I can actually write something of my own. This song is a song that has been posted here before. Back then it wasn't even finished, but now I decided to finish this project. So this is some sort of a "Phase 1" really. I've also written a solo along with it, I like it, it's the first solo I EVER wrote, so I hope it's any good, haha! The drums were fixed by someone from the this site, the rest has all been written by, well, me.

What do you think of this song? What's good, what's really bad? Does it need to be longer, shorter..? Etc.

C4C of course
Attachments:
rawnfast[1]-Edited-1.gp5
rawnfast[1]-Edited-1.gpx
Yeah
#2
pretty nice intro and verse, but chorus sounds to poppy too me. I'd change the chords in breakdown too.

E G F# G# sound a lot cooler to me, you now that creepy eerie riffs.

looking forward to hear the solo live =D

Everything is fine, even chorus is - but prolly for another type of song. The verse and chorus just don't fit in together.
smile
#3
Thanks for your feedback! The chorus was a big, big problem for this song. I was thinking of adding in some extended power chords, and changing the entire progression. I'll give your progression a try, see how it sounds. Thanks for your feedback!
Yeah
#4
hey man wazzup ! i see your still making songs , good to see

anyway here's my crit

Intro :
Nice , got me hooked right away , allthough the drums feel cinda spastic and out of place at some points imo :S

Verse :
Does what is should do , sounds like a verse and with some vocals over it it would be good , though again dont like the drums , to basic

Chorus :
You got the basis good , uninteresting chord progression though , but i miss a lead that lifts it to a different level

Breakdown :
Really standard and not interesting.

Bridge :
Nice , like the mood it sets and it feels like it is gonna build up to something.

Solo :
I dont have a lot of knowledge on how to right good solo's so id say this is pretty good to my ears

Chorus :
A little bit of an anti-climax with the bridge before it building up to something "new"


Liked it , but didnt leave me with a feeling of wanting to hear it again , but thats not a bad thing , cuz its hard to make music that really sticks out and gets in your head.
And i kinda missed a lead guitar but thats just my kind of taste i quess.

Anyway this has potential and you did grow a lot since your last song and thats allways a good thing , keep it up !
Last edited by MobiuZ at Jul 8, 2010,
#5
It's very rhythmed. You did a really good job for the drums.
The guitar solo is good, even really good if it's the first one.

The only crit is the Breakdown part. I don't like it at all. The transition bar 49 sounds wrong. Then the drums do something I don't find interesting but I see you tried something different.

It's not bad but a bit repetitive (main riff sounds like verse riff which sounds like solo's riff). You choose some good options here and there. Next song, try to develop your creativity rather than keeping "sound-like" riffs.
#6
Thanks for your feedback MobiuZ and grooaarhh (quite the nick XD)!

The solo is the first real solo I've ever written. Before I wrote it I had some little phrases and licks but nothing too serious.

The breakdown is indeed quite 'standard', I'll see if I can change it. I'll also work some more on the chorus. I made the intro, verse and presolo riffs sounds a lot like the same cos I really liked the sound of those riffs, and it made things cohesive (for me at least, haha).

I'm still growing as a songwriter - every day I find myself stumbling across promising licks and progressions... now all I have to do is make actual songs out of them
Yeah
#7
The rhythm and drums were especially good. I wasn't too fond of the verse / intro though. Honestly, and I don't mean this meanly, but I think the guitars sound like crap.

The chorus was very great, though. It was extremely catchy. I liked that part a lot. The second verse, while it was the same notes, seemed to sound better coming off the chorus. idk why, but I am still not too fond of it.

The breakdown was good, but could use more stuff going on within it. But it was good, and I wouldn't complain if it stayed the same.

I liked the solo, it sounded pretty good, but it sounded like it was forced. (As if the notes weren't played out to their full potential, and were rushed because of the rhythm).

The outro was a good way to end the song. Well done.

I liked it, to be honest. The verse and intro needs work, but maybe that's because you put palm mutes in there, and guitar pro sound likes crap when you do.

But either way, it wouldn't draw me away from listening to the song. Easy 3.5/5

Also, don't make the song any longer. It's perfect the way it is.

Help me with my writers block? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1335770

Or you can just crit my latest song, because I will eventually get over the writers block :P (hopefully) https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1335626
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
Last edited by DragTheWaters11 at Jul 8, 2010,