#1
C4C


When your voice sets in
As your hands press onto mine
I hope the feeling in me won't subside
I hope this life I live will take my side

And I can feel it in my skin
I can feel you creeping in
And will I feel you seeping out
And will you make me fall back down

I hope that all the thoughts inside your mind
All weave together like they do in mine
I hope that you and I will someday die
But die together so we won't live life
Miles away

As the twilight fades to night
As the sky lights up your eyes
I hope that each and every day you fight
Will all be worth it when you one day die

I need another drug inside my skin
Another rush inside my veins again
I need the summer comin' back again
I need another and another and another one

I hope that all the thoughts inside your mind
All weave together like they do in mine
I hope that you and I will someday die
But die together so we won't live life
Miles away
#2
I like it!

First stanza, I like, good flow, good rhymes.

Second stanza, great, especially "creeping" and "seeping".

Third stanza, flows well, and I like what you're saying, I hope we finish together. Nice.

Fourth stanza, sounds good, the last line sounds a little long, on account of "one day" - it's a lot blunter if you delete "one day" but I'd consider it. It might be an important detail to you, though, and it doesn't hurt the writing in any significant way to leave it.

Fifth stanza, sounds good, flows well.

Sixth stanza, ditto third.

I like it, the writing is excellent, your rhymes and flow made it a pleasure to read. Keep it up!