#1
I just wrote this and I'm a newbie at writing lyrics :x I'm kinda scared to post this but I figured I would. I was thinking of a slow bluesy song when i wrote this with Plant / Cornell-esque vocals. The parenthesisare kind of a pleading type of singing

My love is a wanderer
Pa-arched from the desert heat
(Ohhh he ain't got no sleep)
Day and night he travels
Ne-earing his defeat
(oh but not yet)

*chorus*
The cactus are burnin' up baby
And I still haven't seen you yet

*solo*

My love is a wanderer
Bli-inded by the desert sand
(He just cant see)
Day and night he searches
Ahhh he wants you bad
(quench his thirst baby)

*chorus*
The cactus are burnin' up baby
And I still don't have you back
Last edited by Loffle Monster. at Jul 9, 2010,
#2
I really love this idea, but I feel like it's lacking a little bit overall content-wise. You make good use of your repetition, but to the point where I would have no idea the difference between the choruses and the verses if you hadn't denoted it. If I were you, I might consider using your verse as the choral idea and then building from there. Again, awesome idea, great flow, and some really good lyrics.