#1
So I actually finished this one a while ago, but I'm not completely happy with how it turned out. I'm not so sure about a few parts. Does the weirdness part flow well? Does it even sound like it fits? Does the outro transfer ok into the segue for pt. III? I'd really apprecite some input on these points as well as the song in general. I'll also do c4c for those that actually leave crits :p

EDIT: In case you haven't heard the first part of this song, the link is below in my sig
Attachments:
Abiogenesis pt. II.zip
Last edited by zakatak9389 at Jul 14, 2010,
#4
That was very good. It is in fact reminiscent of Animals as Leaders, without being too similar in any way. I have to confess though that I'm not the biggest fan of djent music and indeed do not really understand the appeal of some of the bands, however I will judge it on its merits and try not to be too biased.

I cannot comment on the segue into the supposed "part II" because I have not heard the first part yet. It does a fine job of introducing the first theme and eventually developing it by use of the counter-melody starting at bar 9. However one thing I feel is very unwelcome is the drumming. If that kind of chaotic drumming is what you want in your piece then by all means use it, but you have to develop it first. Going from a smooth melody with no percussion to full on drumming in one bar is too jarring. The melody does not suggest a percussive style like that at all in my opinion. I think you need to work on moving gradually into the "steady snare" section.

The ambient section seems to be fully developed actually. The melody is nice and the atmosphere is appropriately "ambient" in that sense. And even the drumming is unintrusive and laid back. Nice work. The transition into "theme" is also very smooth and subtle. Take note of the drumming. It does not go from "laid-back mode" to "fast mode" in that one switch. It adds another element to the drumming style and prepares the listener for the change in pace in the drums on the next section without changing it completely in one bar. The next "theme" section is also quite nice. I love the progression the synth is doing. Very cool, even though I may not like the guitar that much. Nothing in particular worth changing; the octave solo on the guitar is also very nice. I like how it is so simple and humble in this case.

In the dorian section the guitars need to be much lower in the mix to be honest. They are a little intrusive, and forces the piano melody and clean guitar into the background. In my opinion the "polymetric" section doesn't introduce any new themes into the song. In my opinion it is expendable because the section transits perfectly into "Weirdness" without it. Keep it if you want to, however. I just don't see it as very valuable. To answer your question, I think the weird section does flow very well, and it might even be worth it to continue it and introduce new elements. That being said the return to the main theme is quite smooth and paves the way for the "break" section. Which is quite nice by the way. The ad-lib piano solo is also quite good, and all of the other sections up until the return to the main theme. I think what really kills it is the repetitive nature of the drums. They quite literally do not change. I think they should also take a more laid-back approach in this section. Not as in completely break them down, just make them a bit less prominent if that makes sense.

Good job on the modulation to a major key from the "modulation" theme. Very smooth, seamless and well done. It is quite refreshing, and works well. The segue into the supposed "part III" is also very good. I love the piano melody. You should consider continuing it for a few measures before going into part III in my opinion.

Overall, I couldn't give you less than an 8.5/10. The 1.5 points are for some issues I had with the percussion, guitar playing and various other minor flaws. I still think it is a very laudable piece; I enjoyed listening to it a lot.
Last edited by Sóknardalr at Jul 14, 2010,
#5
You write some of the most amazing stuff i've ever heard.
seriously awesome stuff!
10/10
FLOYD IS A BAT!
#6
You made a continuation to Abiogenesis, which ismy favorite song on UG! Thanks you!
But I'll try to give a summary of what I felt while listening to it.

The crit:
This song is really good but it has a big disadvantage: you made "Abiogenesis part I". You use the same receipt than the first part. No problem with it, it's the way you write music. But here's the problem:
It's not as good as the previous one.

Maybe it's just me but the first part was so amazing that I feel disappointed by this one. Now I'll try to explain why:

- you made some modulations I didn't likebars. 55-56.
- some riffs are weird (Dorian! and Polymetrics).
- when some parts begins I had a feeling of "déjà-vu" and it's like you didn't take risks. Or, again, is it me?

That's what I felt. Really good but somewhat not enough evolution since part I.
Hope it will help you to made part III a bit more .. unexpected?
#7
^ Well I'll beg to differ to you honestly I think this is 1000x better than part 1. So good I had to tell you about it.

You see, part 1 is, well, very nice, but in its essence, it is a "djent" metal song, focused in the riffs, good riffs but not 100% interesting to me (some of the riffs are less interesting than others: the Dorian/Weird riffs were great, but then the intro/verse ones were kinda meh to me.. and there's the matter of the bass copying the rhythm guitar entirely, which I would have tried to work around if I were you). The synthy/clean/ambient stuff that comes in is what brings everything to life in the end.

Now in this part 2, the focus of the song shifts to the synthy/clean/ambient, and I thoroughly love it. The atmosphere is so much denser, and envolvent, than in part 1, the harmony is beautiful, and it sounds so eerie... awesome. Even the djent comes out in a whole different perspective, if you know what I mean.

High points: the chord progression and piano harmony in Weirdness are amazing. Seriously, passing from Abm to AbM7 is brilliant. That whole part starting with Break is beautifully done, and I'd just love to fill in that improv solo... xD nevermind, I hear it all in my head when listening to the vamp. The major modulation sounds like something taken from a bar jazz gig (does that make sense? xD)

Negative-ish stuff: well my mom happened to listen to this, and she thought it was "monochordic" and "without a real melody" (guess she missed some things in her listen, there IS melody, but sometimes a little hidden under the orchestration, of course it doesn't have to be "in your face" all the time). Well it does repeat a little, I don't think you can do anything about it (it's just the style of song...), but still, I thought I might mention it anyway... because I have nothing negative to say at all!

Actually, the beginning of part 3 sounds very jazzy, man I hope that's the direction you will take!

Small suggestion, I think you should use drum kit 25 in the first 32 bars, and a little softer on the splash. Seriously, try it. It would sound less brutal for the beginning, and electro drums are cool :]

Anyway, bottom line is this is awesome, one of the best I've heard here.

well... I guess that if you feel like retributing, there's Lost Dreams (see sig), my most not-all-that-recent progressive more/less ambitious tune. Cheers!
Last edited by |_JR_| at Jul 12, 2010,
#8
I agree with JR in the fact that this part was better than the first. The melodies were stronger, the mood was more chilled out and the drumming was a lot more relaxed. I didn't think any risks were really necessary for this one because of the atmosphere that was created in this piece. I actually think that less was more in terms of this song. It just all worked.

To address your specific concerns:

The wierdness part and the parts leading into it and out of it sound excellent. I loved the way the piano part moved things along while the rhythm guitar kept things odd. The synth backing was also a good idea, as it smoothed things out a bit in terms of the harshness of the harmonies that actually was there. Don't worry. It fits fine.

The segue into part III was very promising. I'd keep it, it sounds like the song coming after it will be fantastic.

I think using Drum Kit 25 in the first parts of the song will make the drums easier on the ears and it'll definitely fit in with the ambient section.

Overall, an excellent song. I can't wait to hear part III.
C4C?https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1337349
#9
I have never heard Part 1 but I'll try my best to give a good crit on this part

Segue - Love the atmosphere already. I would probably not use the electric snare and electric kick in guitar pro but thats my opinion. It just gets a bit muddled sometimes.

Snare/Ambient - The progression from 12-15 is awesome it sounds alot like something Animals As Leaders/Periphery/Chimp Spanner would do. Not a complete rip though. I like it.Your rhodes really does alot to build up the atmosphere as well.

Theme - Im guessing this came from Part I? I really like the clean guitar here as well as the drums. Very nice. Complex but still not hard to follow.

Clean tapping - Probably my favorite part of the song. Not only is the tapping badass and the drums are as well, but the transition into 37 is awesome.

Theme - Great drums here. Great rhythms all around tbh.

Dorian/Poly - I personally love the dorian section as its something that I've never heard before in a Djenty song. I love it. Gives the song a real uniqueness about it. Also the drums in the end of this section are absolutely stellar

weirdness - The piano is great here, wouldnt change a thing.

9/8 - The 9/8 works alot better here than it did in the intro section.

Improv - Really beautiful stuff from the piano here. You might want to change up the sounds of the synths sometimes though it gets very samey. I know midi doesn't do it any justice but try adding in some higher octave notes on the synths as patterns evolve it will create more tension.

Mega Mod/Major - Very AWESOME, i love the switch into Major. The tremolo picking of the octave chords really helps the transition into the Major. Love it.

I think Ill go listen to Part I too now, this stuff was really good.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1332433 It's got a similar style in that its got some Djent and ambience to it.
#11
^ Thanks for the feedback everyone. As for part III JR, it will be heavily jazz influenced, that little progression at the end will play a pretty good size role in the next part . As for the electronic drummin idea, I hadn't thought of that, I just might have a go at that sometime
#12
It has been awhile Zak! And you've blown me away... again.

Only real complaint I have is the drums in the initial 9/8 section. I put them onto the Techno drums all the way up until Ambient and it seemed a little better. I feel like it needs a better groove though. Imma go section by section now:

Segue: I love the guitar. I don't understand how you can create such amazing clean guitar stuff. It's a problem I have haha

Steady Snare: I like the addition to the already awesome guitar. Adds a lot.

Ambient: Sounds a lot like Metroid haha. I love the bass. The Rhodes adds a lot to it. Nothing wrong with it. Love the modulation!

Theme: Amazing melodies, as always.

Clean Tapping: Amazing everything. The rhythm guitar sounds like Nobuo Uematsu to me... haha but it's awesome I love everything. The tapping is amazing.

Theme': GREAT way to change it a little bit and make it fresh again. The piano adds a lot to it as well.

Dorian: Great stuff. Not much to comment on. The piano is really good as is the clean guitar.

Polymetric: My only problem with this is it seems less dense than the other sections, like it loses a bit of that "punch", know what I mean?

Weirdness: AMAZING. My favorite part. Don't even worry about it. The everything is awesome.

9/8': Everything works a bit more here than in the intro. The drums have a bit more groove.

Break: I love the piano. It reminds me a bit of some 80's piano music haha. don't take it in the bad way! It's a great melody/progression. The guitar just adds another layer of awesome to it. The chord melody is great. Nothing to complain about here. Oh! At Bar 122-ish the drums change... I think the snare should be steady in this section throughout. It loses a bit of it's coherency the way you have it now.

Mega Modulation: Amazing! I don't know how you do it. It's just... superb. You always manage to add these sections into your songs and it blows me away. Sounds like Tosin Abasi a little bit here.

Segue: I really enjoy this progression on the piano. Sounds very... Zora's Domain-ish from Ocarina of Time to me. Pt. III will. Be. Awesome.

All in all? Nothing unusual for you... I should have known to get blown away! I really aspire to be able to write clean sections like you. It's amazing, and your modulations.

9.5/10

C4C? Dead Bird in my sig or my newest song! Whichever is up to you :]
Last edited by DiminishedFifth at Jul 23, 2010,
#13
Loved it. Absolutely loved it.

Awesome piece and I found it hard to find anything I had any issues with. It really reminded me of Animals As Leaders' kind of music, especially in bar 119 and 127 where the exact same melody is in a song of theirs (just a heads up for unintentional plagiarism.)

One of my only qualms about this is the constant mood of the piece, it's not really varied but I guess that comes with the style of music it's in. Don't worry though, it wasn't really anything that bothered me alot.

The 9/8 revisited section was a good idea, I really like the groove of the time sig and the riffs you put behind it but the licks used in Clean Guitar and Additional Guitar weren't so appealing to me. I also felt like the drums progressed too quickly in these sections in comparison to the rest of the song, this part felt a little rushed.

The slidey guitar part in the Lead Guitar starting in bars 49 and 139 I'm not much of a fan of, it sounds like too much for the kind of piece, I imagined something more sustained but the same notes, something like an e-bow effect?


Apart from that, virtually perfect in every way IMO. Really enjoyed it!

I know this crit was crap (your stuff is too good!) but can you please return the favour?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1338275
#14
I loved Abiogenesis 1 and I love this one too.

This song had many levels and many diffrent parts with millions of variations.
I don't listen to this kind of music at all. I'm into groove metal and melodic death metal, but this piece was just awesome. Rhythms were intresting and fun to listen.
Also the way how you mixed clean and distroted guitars was just awesome. I've never heard lead clean guitar with distroted rhythm guitar (it worked well). Scale changes were intresting. Some times they really sounded off to me, but I still think they were good. Rhodes piano created nice ambience into this song. You have to use it in your next compositions too!

10/10
#16
You are the best songwriter in this forum in my opinion, start a band, record an album, that is all. 10/10