#1
I just stuck any random name on this, and I've been watching a lot of House MD recently, so

I got bored today and decided to write a generic 'nu-metalcore' song. Sounds pretty much like The Devil Wears Prada, Asking Alexandria, A Day To Remember, etc. It's not supposed to be groundbreaking-ly original, so don't worry about calling me out on that, I already know

I also have plans to record this, just because I've got literally nothing else to do with my holiday and I want to improve my ability to record decent sounding demos, so.

I'm just looking for any crit to help me improve as a songwriter, both in this genre and other genres. I'll C4C, if you give me a really good crit I'll give you a good one back.

Thanks in advance.

EDIT: The clean vocal melody is really half-assed. I just wanted to put something where the cleans would go. If anyone wants to take a stab at anything better, be my guest.
Attachments:
It's Not Lupus..gp5
It's Not Lupus..mid
Last edited by --ATREYUROCK-- at Jul 12, 2010,
#2
Well, the drum track was messed up. Kept getting an error when I clicked on it, so I can't really judge it, but overall from what I was hearing on the drums, they were really good.

Anyways, onto the rest of the track critique:

Intro (1-8): Excessive use of the D chord. Was kinda annoying, but then again, like you said its nu-metalcore and that's how it is these days. The synth notes sounded off, try using different notes. Why does the bass play on fret 8 at a time, but the rhythm sticks with open? It sounds bad to be honest, so change the bass or the rhythm notes.

Intro Pt2 (9-16): The lead track sounded off try making it a bit faster or use higher notes, the rhythm was the same like I said, change either the bass or the rhythm guitar.

Pre-Verse (17-24): Notes sounded off, but the percussion was really great on this part.

Verse (25-40): Now here's where it starts sounding good. I felt bad because I couldn't really say anything good without lying earlier. I thought the rhythm was great, but the excessive D was kinda annoying. Try getting a rhythm in there and using different chords each bar for the first part of the bar, like D C E A or something of that sort.

Bridge (41-48): I actually really loved this part. Everything about it was great. You used different chords, the synth was great, percussion was great, overall my favorite part of the song.

Verse (49-56): Alright sounding, same kinda boring D chord. Maybe exchange the C/A chord you got on the guitar for something higher. The bar 52 riff also didn't sound too great. Try doing something heavier on the percussion on that bar too and changing it to something more hard hitting.

Break (57-61): Sounded awesome. Can't say much wrong about it, I did like how the keyboard blended into the verse, was a nice touch.

Verse (62-77): Same like I said about the first verse (Bars 25-40).

Build-Up (78-85): Sounded great, solid build up. Percussion was great here too.

Epic Clean Chorus (86-99): Sounded good, needs note work though. The vocal track on this chorus's notes are all off, threw off the track, and the keyboard track also had iffy notes. Try using higher notes, treble is easier to identify than bass I've notice, meaning you could have one treble note and three bass notes and you could hear the loudness of it the same (If that made sense). So just try going with the notes on the rhythm but just high notes of it. Might make it sound awesome. I did love the rhythm change on 92, thought it kept it interesting.

Breakdown Build (100-105): Overall solid sounding. I did love the percussion build up on that part.

Breakdown (106-123): Same what I said about the intro, overall kinda boring sounding. The keyboard notes were off.

Overall: I'd say it's pretty solid. Very TDWP sounding, just needs more work on the notes, but it does hit the genre of generic nu-metalcore very well. Maybe you need to add more faster notes and even a guitar solo might sound kinda cool. One thing I loved was the percussion, probably my favorite part.

Great work!

[ C4C ]