#1
Im a pretty experienced song writer, its been a couple years. I can write a lot deeper shit, and Im into ALL kinds of music, so if you flame me, and suggest a genre, your ****ing stupid, cuz I probably listen to it..but anyways. Ive been more into the acoustic scene. ex. The scene aesthetic. Contrustuctive critism wanted if neccessary.


Rainbow Snowflakes


Breaking and flaking
I slowly drift away
I block out the words
I dont wanna hear you say
If words can deny
Simply how I feel
Then, my dear
This wouldnt be real

If I could simply grasp
This idea in my mind
I know youd understand
How I feel inside
I know this idea
May be just too much to feel
But hun, Im telling you
Withouth you, I wouldnt be real

But really, its okay
I want you to smile
Cuz this is how ive felt
For a very long while
But I can hold on
Forever, for you
With all this crap
You make me do

But before I leave
Please listen to me now
I want you to smile
And I dont care how
So please, relax
Dont worry about me
Cuz having you here
Is what makes me, me
#3
Thank you very much man, It took a lot of ****ing time to look at it that way O_O. But hey..thats how strong feelings can be sometimes :p
#4
They surely can. And the lyrics kinda give that surge of true emotions. They're not perfect, nor they are pure, but that's what life is - a huge mess of emotions that revolve around everything you feel and know and, mostly important - what you don't understand.
#5
read the rules of the forum. the title of your thread should be the title of your piece. i'll not close this but rather change the title for you because i'm a decent fellow — do read them.
#6
Thanks cubs, to be honest i made of the title after i posted it. I diddnt have a name for it when i was writtin the name. Thanks for being nice about it, i will read them.
#7
Quote by xNIHILISMx
Im a pretty experienced song writer, its been a couple years. I can write a lot deeper shit, and Im into ALL kinds of music, so if you flame me, and suggest a genre, your ****ing stupid, cuz I probably listen to it..but anyways. Ive been more into the acoustic scene. ex. The scene aesthetic. Contrustuctive critism wanted if neccessary.

i stopped reading here. my ****ing stupid what?



listen to hardcore.
#8
Quote by TonyRandall
i stopped reading here. my ****ing stupid what?



listen to hardcore.



See, there we go. I do listen to hardcore, as matter of fact. most of my friends are.. "hardcore kids" [sorry for using that its kinda labeling] and metal heads. I listen to attack attack, asking alexandria, tdwp. then i listen to the original hardcore, like hatebreed. thats what i meant by telling people not too suggest stuff, cuz I prolly listen to it.
#9
Oh and btw, I just read your signature. I had no idea you listened to attack attack before i posted that. so HA. mwahahaha
#10
Quote by xNIHILISMx

and Im into ALL kinds of music, so if you flame me, and suggest a genre, your ****ing stupid, cuz I probably listen to it.....

See, there we go. I do listen to hardcore, as matter of fact. most of my friends are.. "hardcore kids" [sorry for using that its kinda labeling] and metal heads. I listen to attack attack, asking alexandria, tdwp. then i listen to the original hardcore, like hatebreed. thats what i meant by telling people not too suggest stuff, cuz I prolly listen to it.


No, no, no....

Hatebreed=Metalcore
TSOL=Original hardcore

ALL kinds of music? I see, sorry. I wasn't aware you listen to qawwali, French impressionism, Gregorian chant, big beat, power electronics, twelve-tone row, drone metal, shoegaze, trip hop, dancehall reggae, German polka, free jazz, fusion, drum & bass, musique concrète, no wave, trouvère/troubadour music, and adult alternative. Oh, you meant some kinds of rock music...

Just as a tip, professing your self-proclaimed vast experience as a songwriter, whilst insulting your potential audience isn't the most effective way of getting an objective response.

Regarding the piece, it was okay. There was nothing abhorrent, but nothing hit me very hard. I can't find one line that was particularly clever or fresh. Even from an overall Gestalt perspective, it was only pleasant in a mild, droll way.

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1339870
#11
"Withouth you, I wouldnt be real" Love this line. Alot.


"With all this crap
You make me do" I just feel like if you changed "You make me do" to "You put me through" it would make that part feel a little bit more real, you know? But then again, it's your piece, and who am i to judge? :P

Over all, i really like this. Keep up the good work.
#12
@chaingarden .... No need to be an ass man, you obviously know I diddnt mean EVERYTHING, and im sure you knew that. Also, up until my freshman year I labeled hatebreed as metalcore, but then I meet some people who had a very strong knowledge about that type of music and they told me otherwise. I do not listen to them that much anyways, there just someone i dont mind. I wasnt bragging about experience, im never one to brag. I used the words "pretty experienced", as in "okay". although ive only been writing for 3-4 years now, I write a minimum of 3 songs/poems a day. I also made it clear, that wasnt flaming the audience, but the people that were gonna flame me. I know my kinda music can be gay to others. So i was just waiting for someone to go WOW YOUR A FAG THIS IS GAY MUSIC LISTEN TO "$*&^$%". But in the end, thanks for at least getting to the point and talking about the song.


@goodvibrations Thank you very much, I actually enjoy this line quite a lot. I know there arent too many crazy metaphors or anything in here, I just love it cuz this song is made up of words i dont have the courage to say. And I do agree "you put me through" would flow better, but i personally dont really like that line at all >_<. thanks for your help
#13
Quote by Chaingarden
shoegaze,


only other person i know who's,
heard of shoegaze.
i am the lamb.
point me to the slaughter.
#14
i don't like your song.
and i dont like you.
no offense.
i am the lamb.
point me to the slaughter.
#15
Hey man, again its a nice song. Hate to see the topic filled with flame shit.

Cheers. Ace.
#16
Thanks ace, appreciate it. Its fine, thats what people do in forums..alll the time..>_>.. and miloh.core, you dont like my song, thats cool idc. But you dont know me. LOL.. MOST of the people that dont like me, are the ignorant once. Becuase im as nice as can be and respect everyone, until I am disrespected.