#1
Hey guys, I've got another piece for you all to look at. This is the continuation to Tempest and it's called "What Remains." If you don't remember from the previous thread, I'm making a multi-movement instrumental and connecting these songs together to fit. Step Outside is part one.

Some concerns:

How is the pace?

How is the mood?

What can be improved overall?

As always, feel free to comment on anything else.
c4c to those who will actually write a good critique.


EDIT: UPDATED VERSION IS POSTED BELOW
Attachments:
What Remains.zip
Last edited by Progbass92 at Jul 20, 2010,
#4
Hmm, overall I would say 7.8/10
From time to time the Synth would do something that doesn't really fit. For example, bar 94 to 102. I don't really like that kind of sound, it's just really weird. Other than that I find this a really cool song. You have a really interesting sound going one, and I'm not really into this kind of music.
Why don't you checkout my thread? I would really apreciate it
#5
Crit as i listen.

Intro is well done.

I like how mood progresses as the guitar, bass and pad enters.
Somewhy i dont really like guitar 2 part 17-26, but that is just me.
And also i felt like its missing some additional lead synth in that part.

29-36
It had some great guitar and when it came to 37-41 i was expecting to hear an epic build up,but it turned out to be not my favourite part of the track.
However, that part serves the further progression of the song well and it all goes sweet up to 75.

76-103
Nothing extraordinary and nothing boring at the same time.
In other words its good.

104-127
Some parts of the solo reminded me of Sol Niger Within.
Which means it is awesome.

The rest is all ok and i dont see anything wrong with it.
Oh, and i like those piano parts.Adds some extra atmosphere.

Overall i like 97% of the song, 9/10.

Too bad i'm just getting started with GP and can only write some easy sh't.

C4C(https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=24682866#post24682866)
Last edited by Entru at Jul 13, 2010,
#6
I like it, man. I attempted to play some of it and it's great. You do some massive stretches there my friend. Especially the first bit of the song. Which means you're a good player.
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~Leonardo da Vinci
#7
idk if this could just be my computer skipping around but there's a lot of choppiness that sounds really...unpleasant. if thats on purpose tho, do what feels right ya know.
#8
Intro - Really nice Rhodes and Bass/Drum groove going on here. Reminds me alot of Symphony X intros, very nice.

23-36: Love the odd time signatures here. And the clean rhythm guitar underneath absolutely kills it in this section of the song.

37-40: Probably my favorite part of the song. Love the drums here great complexity.

42-75: I love the insturmentation here and the arpeggios by the guitar. One crit here is that some of the pads really jar into the sections. This happens in measure 62 and 64. They just kind of have some odd notes that don't appear to fit. The transition into the next part of the song is fantastic.

76-87 I feel like this section isnt my favorite but it is necessary to keep the song moving, so therefore I like it. The rhythms are great here.

88-119: I really love the pads and rhodes here. They fit the fast guitars very nicely. The drums are okay they get a little boring. Crashing in 4/4 with the 57 cymbal gets a little tiring after a while. Try changing it at 104 to a crashing 49 or 52 but not in 4/4. Keep the time sig in 4/4 but crash in 3/4, you know? get a real polyrhythm going.

120-127 GREAT guitars here

Outro: The glitch works well, but its starting to get overused by everyone nowadays : /. The outro chords are awesome and pretty epic. The drums are amazing here as well. Great fills.

Overall I really liked it dude I'd give it a 8/10 and a few things could be improved upon. But the time signatures are fantastic and I barely noticed they were changing so much

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1332433
#10
(In response for you crit).

This is a crit for the v2 that you just put up.

I really liked the intro, it was really interesting. Kinda Rammstein-ish sounding. The guitars coming in were great, no complaints at all, really.

37, guitars coming in. That was really interesting. Coulda came in with more of a bang I'd suppose.

I mean, listening to it, it's kinda hard to crit because I can't seem to find much wrong with it, I really enjoyed it. :P 70-75 on the Guitar 2 track, it seemed to feel kinda off. Like the notes were wrong.

88-103 got kinda repetitive and boring. At about now the song starts to get kinda boring. You might need to get a structure going.

136, I loved the percussion track on here. 160 and onwards, was a great outro. I liked it.

I think overall, the song gets kinda boring in the middle, other than that, you got some great riffs on it, the synth was really interesting as well. Great work.
#11
Quote by Sief9

I mean, listening to it, it's kinda hard to crit because I can't seem to find much wrong with it, I really enjoyed it. :P 70-75 on the Guitar 2 track, it seemed to feel kinda off. Like the notes were wrong.


There were "wrong" notes because I did a modulation. That requires notes that are out of key so you can move to a new key

Quote by Sief9

88-103 got kinda repetitive and boring. At about now the song starts to get kinda boring. You might need to get a structure going.


It has variation if you listen to the chords the pads make. I did that on purpose to add sort of a contrast to the chugs. It's got plenty of different harmonies and structure. You're just looking in the wrong place.
#12
I'm listening to version one. Cuz I didn't see two.

But anyway, the heavy part (around 76 onward) is cool, probably my favorite part. It's a nuts composition though, which is good. I could see listening to this when I'm in the mood for something like this.
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#13
Haha, what to say? Progbass strikes once again with his mindblowing music haha. I'll do my best to actually give a crit but it's gonna be hard

Intro was cool with the rhodes, loved the rallentando down to 130 bpm and the rhodes riff that followed. The guitar melody is nothing short of fantastic as well as the electronic drummins. Love the transition at measure at bar 27, and the slighty jazzy melody that followed on the guitar. Riff at bar 37 was good but it didn't feel as groovy as I feel it could have, with all the drum fills and whatnot. The drums were the only part that bothered me here.

Loved the clean guitar part at bar 42, good usage of different time sigs here as always
I'm not so sure about the bass having distortion at bar 62, but I'm sure if this were to be recorded, it'd sound fine. Love the modulation at bar 72 it has a slight mixolydian flavor to it

Riff at bar 76 was excellent, I especially loved the all of the ghost notes on the snare. The rhodes that comes in at bar 80 is excellent. Triplet stuff at bar 88 was col but I would've liked the bass to be playing the riff an octave down instead of the same octave as the guitars. That said, I love the modulation you have going here, it has a slight dorian feel to it with the synth stuff you have going on here.

Damn, now bar 104 is what I'm talking about! Awesome groove you've got here, I especially love the lead work, very reminiscent of Misha Mansoor's work. Really cool modulation here. Really awesome chord voicings at bar 120 also!

The transition at bar 128 felt way to sudden. It may just be me, but I feel like everything just drops out too quickly. I think it'd be better if you had the instruments fade out longer instead of dropping to 0 after only two bars. I think it would've also been cool if you had the lead guitar doing some more as it was fading out instead of just hitting that F5add9 chord, just a thought.

That said, the break was extremely awesome. The rhodes and electronic drums meshed so perfectly, it almost reminded me somewhat of metroid prime haha. Man, I wanna try to do some electronic drum stuff now haha. Enter dream theater at bar 152 haha, sounds so much like something they'd do, very awesome nonetheless. Love the tremolo picking in the background, with the right ambient lead tone, this would sound amazing. Beautiful piano work at bar 168 and for the rest of the outro.

Overall, pretty great stuff as usual, a few minor qualms here and there but nothing too major, still a very wonderful piece of music. Plus it flows wonderfully from tempest. I'd love to see this whole multi-part song finished!
#14
Intro- Those 1st 8 (eight) bars can only be described as alluring.
The follow-up is damn good. The bass line pushes the song along, with the melody playful intertwining. This is what good progressive music is all about. Actual progress.

I like the more active role the bass takes at bar 29. Good stuff there man.
Djent-like. I think that was the whole point though, no? Given that it is a continuation of the theme that Tempest brings up, I do the see the similarities between the pieces.

Bar 37 is just rape. The trem guitar sections and the backing chordage. Exceptional.

The 5/8-4/8 shifting time sig section was a bit, overwhelming. Not necessarily in a bad way, but I've grown to appreciate groove a bit more than before. I personally feel that you should emphasize the rhythm that the 1st guitar is playing. I panned out the 2nd guitar, and it did help somewhat. Perhaps start out with the rhythm and then introduce the melody any number bars in.
Bar 70 transition with the metal pad really pulls everything together. I liked that quiet a bit.

Is the riff at bar 76 the only time a 4/4 time sig has been used? haha
Good times. I did enjoy this part a good deal though. I was just talking about groove and this part has it in spades. Very mindful of you to work that interchange of rhythm and melody.

Chug-a-lug alert at 88. Not bad, especially with the electronic nuances. The rhythm is quite driving, which I did enjoy. It was good use of a breakdown, which I typically abhor.

Ah, the djent at bar 104. This part is done very tastefully. The best way to describe this part is the melodies of Bulb, with the self-awareness that Cloudkicker brings about.

More goodies at 120. The post-hardcore chordage that just calls to me. Sucks that it's a bit short, as I was hoping it would stick around a bit longer. It's better that it was brief than overstaying it's welcome.

The atmospheric nature of the section at bar 128 is an effective build up. The use of hi-hat twiddles was delicious. I did enjoy it's spaciousness and reflective qualities. The entire song before this (save for the intro) was madness and shit crashing into other shit. All that conflict gets turned into a resolution, a satisfying one.
The whole conflict/resolution theme is played out, but it's also just a utensil. In the right hands, it can be infinitely powerful.
My favorite sections were bar 37 and 76, but this outclassed them. I think it has a lot to do with how simple it is.

Now for the finale, bar 156.
Weird chord at the end of the riff(s) [C7sus2, I think]. It's not the chord itself; the placement is really awkward. I'm not well-versed in the ways of the polyrhythm, but the way that chord sticks out just irks me. A good conclusion, even if the expectancy of where that chord would fall is a bit lopsided.

Good stuff.
I'd like to see the entirety of this concept that you are working on.
Last edited by huevos at Jul 18, 2010,
#16
Well, let's get started on this. First off let me say that I'm really enjoying the new style you're putting forward in these most recent songs, you're making more effective use of synths, and putting the odd electro drum beat here and there, mixing your usual DT-ish prog metal with some jazzier, PHC-er or djenty stuff, and producing very interesting results.

The intro to this one took me a couple of listens to get used to. Probably it was the start-stop rhythm. Nothing wrong with it, mind me, but I guess it came out "unexpected" to me. The 11/8 puts up a very cool groove to go with the electro-ambient intro, everything sounds smooth. It was a good idea to use that clean riff, I think in most songs riffs shaped like that are distorted but this one sounds quite cool as it is.

I don't think the synths should go away so suddenly when the guitars enter, it gives out a feeling of emptiness when they do. Of course, this is MIDI, and I suppose that if it were real guitars entering there they would fill up the place with no need for anything. But in MIDI, making the synths fade out is probably useful. No complaints otherwise, this sounds like a powerful band entrance. Maybe a little prog-HC in style.

It was really nice to bring back the intro idea with a rearranged rhythm and progression. You have the "sense of progression" very well done in this song, although it doesn't "get back" to the beginning in the end as many songs do, rather it "evolves" into something new, always flowing, gradually changing... maybe some people will point out the lack of a real hook in this song. But I don't see that as a problem, (as my own songs may reveal haha) and find this kind of structure very refreshing and enjoyable.

One thing I'm not so sure about is the distorted bass... honestly it doesn't sound too good in MIDI. But I guess it's another one of those things... maybe you could play around with overdubs and find a more/less decent sound (there's a friend of mine that did a cool thing with fretless and overdriven), but it's not really all that necessary...

I found the riff at 76 a bit weird-sounding at first. Many dotted 8ths tossed around there, I wasn't sure I liked it. But when the rhodes entered it was like problem solved. xD The addition of the metallic pad to overdub the rhodes was sweet. MIDI heaven, man. :] And the breakdown chugging doesn't detract from it at all, actually it was very cool. I'm not usually a man to like this kind of stuff, but it was nicely done, catchy rhythm and the synth made it all interesting.

Your guitar soloing has improved dramatically. It doesn't sound half as wanky as it used to do, phrasing in this is very good, and it gives out that sense of melody. Nice work.

Hey... that's a bigass outro. great mood progression here, starting with the electro-ambient once again, then moving on to the metally stuff, all while keeping the djenty riff underneath. Everything works great, no complaints. But can anyone tremolo pick that fast? xD

Well, in conclusion... not much to say really, except that I'm really liking this. And your other new songs too while we're at it. There were a couple of MIDI questions and the itchy riff at 76 which is no problem really, but it's a great song by all means.
#17
Note- I'm listening to Version Two.

The first thing that seems to strike me about this song is that it certainly comes from you. I've listened to a LOT of your songs in the past, and they all seem to have this very specific, unique vibe to them. It's not a bad thing, for the most part I enjoy your music. That being said, there's always a part of me that wants to hear you experimenting outside of this comfort zone. Because, after a while, to a casual listener, I'd compare your music to Dragonforce- each song certainly is it's own identity, but after a while, they all sound the same.

That said, I still find the music enjoyable. The opening rhodes was very soothing, and considering that Ab is one of my favorite keys, certainly good to my ears. The guitar over it fits nice, and I'm actually finding myself enjoying the electronic beats, which is rare for me. The lead counterpoint was FANTASTIC. The drums came at a good time, and the key change worked flawlessly. I really liked the djenty guitar, and the melody over it. I personally would've changed the B notes on Guitar One on bar 32 to a Bb, because it seems a little grating with the melody.

When the distortion kicked in, I'm sorry, but that seemed a little too chaotic. Too many ideas going on at once, and not good. I really liked the clean melody at bar 42- why not skip the chaos, and go straight from the previous section into this one? The harmony with the Rhodes sounded great. When THAT became distorted, it flowed a lot better. My only gripe there is the bass distortion- it adds nothing, and only distracted me. The continuation at bar 66-75 was good, but the synth at track two was a bit much, it adds nothing, and only distracts.

I really liked the riff at 76. The right amount of djent, with the right amount of groove made that a fantastic riff. I would've kept it all in 4/4 though, it makes it all the more groove-able. I wasn't a big fan of the lead over it with the synth, but perhaps that's because my mind was feeling a need for vocals there. 88-104 was fine, nothing really special, but served as a good bridge to lead into the next part, which was fantastic. Good leads, the delay made it exceptionally spacey, in a good way. I think this might've been a good place to experiment with some polyrhythms on the drums- Put them in 3/4, see how it sounds? I'd be curious to try it. 120-126 was a great end to the solo, and the section after it with the electronic beats was nice. I really am starting to like those, despite my usual tendencies, so good job there!

152- ensuing section seemed like a really big closer piece. Which is interesting, because looking at my tab, I still have a good 33 bars to go. The tremolo guitar adds a LOT, making it a lot more epic sounding. The Rhodes lead worked well over it- to put it simply, this is one of the best sections I've heard from you in a while, and easily the best one in this song.

Overall, it was definitely a good song in comparison to most, but in comparison to your other work, not the best. You set a high bar for yourself, and matching it constantly is a difficult endeavor. Props for the attempt, but I've heard better from you.

If I haven't disheartened you too much, would you mind a C4C? :p
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1340190

Thanks!
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My New Progressive Rock/Djent Band:
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#18
Man, this song's got a lot of people being tough on me, haha.

Silhouettica, I never really wanted to do anything crazy for this song because it wasn't really the feel I was going for. I wanted to maintain a relatively chilled out vibe the whole way through. I did consider your idea of taking out the distorted part at bar 37, and I found that it didn't flow well. It still goes from chilled out to really chaotic, but the section I have in between there allows for a slight buildup. I'll keep it as it is.

Here's an updated version with a more solid segue to the next song.
Crits will be returned as soon as possible.
Attachments:
What Remains v3.zip
#19
Critiqued as I listened.


Intro makes me expect either gothic, electronic dance, or powermetal lol. But I like it.

Love when the funky guitars lines come in, I think you know where I'm talkin about.

When guitar comes in it reminds me of Cynic, one of my fave bands

I really like the bar that comes before the little jazz arpeggios, like it's just infectious.

Bar 76 actually got me grooving and toe tapping. I like.

THe Meshuggah groove in 4/4 that sounds like it's in weird time sigs is interesting.

The solo was pretty good, nothing really memorable for me though.


Overall this songs was VERY good. It's like a pop/metal/prog/jazz/ futuristic mishmash of awesome.

I'd give it a 9-9.5, I only didn't really care for Meshuggah riff, and the solo didn't stand out to me, but GOOD JOB!!

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1340182
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