#1
Opeth/Necrophagist/Nevermore inspired,
around 3.5-5 minutes long, I have not timed it yet, but I am now completely finished with it except for minor changes with the song, (aka critique work).
This is one of my first attempts at progressive death, but so far all I have gotten is complements.
Enjoy!

P.S. Sorry for the zipped folder, the file was too large and I had to condense it to put it on. By the way, thats the guitar pro 5 version.

P.S.S. Everything is fixed according to critique.

Thanks in advance!
Attachments:
(No Name).zip
(No Name) 1.gp4
(No Name) 2.gp3
Last edited by YesterdaysToday at Jul 21, 2010,
#2
I liked it a lot! Wish you would've used markers though, lol.

33-44 were awesome.
89-100 dragged on too long.
The outro needs to be spiced up a bit.

Good work.
All is ghost in memory and poison in the sun
#4
Hmm.

Well to me it seems by your influences and by well, you know, the guitar leads and harmonies basically everywhere, that this music is meant to showcase the guitar; note that this is all fine and well and I have nothing against what you're doing, but I feel in many areas in the song you could make it so much better just by making less cliché rhythmics - just that would make it sound less, well, by the numbers and unoriginal.

That is not to say this is bad in any way - it's actually got potential and it's well structure,d and I mean, it sounds good all around, it just doesn'T innovate anything, and I feel that if you were to play around with the rhythmics, you could, well, make it sound like you, instead of making it sound like another "neo-classical metal" band.

That's basically my only complaint with this song - it all sounds very, well, for lack of a better word, square - constant 16th note rhythms, the snare accentuating the 2 and 4's or doing blasts, and holding power chords for a whole measure at a time - spice it up, give it some punches, add some gallops at off times and make the rhythms less stale!

And also, the "breakdown" section, if you will, is really, really bad - It only sounds kinda good when there's a lead on top, but even then, it's really really cliché, and not in the memorable way, it's just forgettable.

All that being said, for some reason it reminds me of Dethklok, lol. Anyway, if you'd like to return a crit, check out my Uber folder in my sig, and pick a song!
#5
Ok, I get what your saying but as this is my first attempt at prog deth, I would be really grateful if you could show me some examples of what to improve. Also, the chords are being held all measures to give the song depth, not really as an extra track.
Thanks.

P.S. The bass and drums are not that complecated because my bassist and drummer jazz them up alot when they get the music, as I have little skill on both of those instruments.
Last edited by YesterdaysToday at Jul 16, 2010,
#6
Quote by JazzDeath
Hmm.

Well to me it seems by your influences and by well, you know, the guitar leads and harmonies basically everywhere, that this music is meant to showcase the guitar; note that this is all fine and well and I have nothing against what you're doing, but I feel in many areas in the song you could make it so much better just by making less cliché rhythmics - just that would make it sound less, well, by the numbers and unoriginal.

That is not to say this is bad in any way - it's actually got potential and it's well structure,d and I mean, it sounds good all around, it just doesn'T innovate anything, and I feel that if you were to play around with the rhythmics, you could, well, make it sound like you, instead of making it sound like another "neo-classical metal" band.

That's basically my only complaint with this song - it all sounds very, well, for lack of a better word, square - constant 16th note rhythms, the snare accentuating the 2 and 4's or doing blasts, and holding power chords for a whole measure at a time - spice it up, give it some punches, add some gallops at off times and make the rhythms less stale!

And also, the "breakdown" section, if you will, is really, really bad - It only sounds kinda good when there's a lead on top, but even then, it's really really cliché, and not in the memorable way, it's just forgettable.

All that being said, for some reason it reminds me of Dethklok, lol. Anyway, if you'd like to return a crit, check out my Uber folder in my sig, and pick a song!

I've never +1'd so hard.
Quote by dudetheman
So what? I wasted like 5 minutes watching DaddyTwoFoot's avatar.


Metalheads are the worst thing that ever happened to metal.
#8
I agree with JazzDeath, the constant stream of notes can get a bit too much. I really like the riff that starts on Bar 17. At Bar 25, with the new drum beat, I really don't like the open high hats there. I think they stand out too much, and I think the drums would be better without them.

Also, just generally, I'm not usually a fan of having parts repeated exactly the same way. If possible, change up the parts a little bit so it isn't the same thing played again. Even small, subtle things can do wonders in this area.
New To Town With A Made Up Name

In The Angel's City

Chasing Fortune And Fame
09/03/2012
#9
Totally agree with what has been said before me.
I think you should use more slides/bends rather than this constant stream of notes which get boring after a while.

Sorry to say it also: your breakdown are pretty bad because they are really unoriginal.

Besides, I see the Jeff Loomis influence as, in his solo album, there are so many guitar solo that the first time it stuned me.

But keep faith, for a first piece you place the limit pretty high. Just try to assimilate your influence (at least the neo-classical one).

Last remark: I haven't felt any Opeth vibe in the song, which is strange (I'm a fan of them). Which parts do you make reference to?


Crit mine? Thx
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=24749173#post24749173
#10
I like the piece. I mean, the whole intro thing is way too generic, and I just simply hate that style of intro. But it does sound good.

I also have to agree with the above poster and say that there is nothing relating to Opeth in this at all?

The verse riff sounds very, very good, btw. But it does extend on for just a bit too long. It kinda drags out a bit. And by the time I get to bar 69, I'm starting to feel all of those similar leads getting a little old.

I know the posters above me didn't like the breakdown at all. But, while I am typically against most breakdowns, it was a nice piece of fresh air in this song. Bescuz I felt like I was being smothered with leads the whole song.

All in all, it sounded good, sure, but it did get really old, really fast. But hey, you should feel good. You found a way to make the breakdown sound somewhat decent, bescuz the leads were practically smothering the listener.

It's not bad, but it needs less leads and more dynamic rhythm, or at least more dynamic leads and more dynamic rhythm. 3/5

Return the love brutha? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1339396
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
#11
To the people asking about the Opeth influences, all it was, was me listening to their music, and gathering some ideas (not taking there music at all) and incorporating that sort of playing style (mixed with some others) to get the sound that I like. Also, when I play the song, I use alot of slides and bends, but in my music editor (Tux-Guitar) They sound like crap for this playing style. I'll try and throw some in to make it sound good.
Last edited by YesterdaysToday at Jul 19, 2010,
#12
Hey, cheers for the crit.

Don't think there's much I can say which hasn't already been said, I love the riff that comes in at bar 45 and the clean solo. Structurally it all flows fairly well and the transitions all seem to work fairly well. Only problem I have with it, is that it can be a bit boring and generic at times, I think this could be fixed by mixing it up a bit rhythmically maybe even try throw in some different time signatures where you see fit. For what it is though, it's a pretty good song and you captured quite a lot of the death metal aspects quite well in my opinion. Overall I'd give it a 7/10 for now.
#13
Quote by SOADisdabest
Hey, cheers for the crit.

Don't think there's much I can say which hasn't already been said, I love the riff that comes in at bar 45 and the clean solo. Structurally it all flows fairly well and the transitions all seem to work fairly well. Only problem I have with it, is that it can be a bit boring and generic at times, I think this could be fixed by mixing it up a bit rhythmically maybe even try throw in some different time signatures where you see fit. For what it is though, it's a pretty good song and you captured quite a lot of the death metal aspects quite well in my opinion. Overall I'd give it a 7/10 for now.



This can be fixed with
a. my bassist jazzes his part up.
b. my drummer jazzes his part up.
c. theirs vocals.
#14
Wow I really like this. I haven't really been into this kind of music for long, but this is great. I like the intro riff, although it does sound a little flat once the second guitar starts harmonizing the lead. When the chords come back in over it, the problems gone though.

Four parts really stand out to me: the solo bit starting at bar 27, the breakdown at bar 81, the clean solo at bar 89, and the acoustic part at the end. Those are the parts that make this song awesome lol

Good work.
---------------------------
Here have a waffle!
(>^_^)>#
#15
If you want my honest opinion, it's too ****ing generic. Spice it up with some new style shit. If you're gonna make it in this industry, you have to be original. And, honestly, you show no influence of originality in this song.

It sounds like a generic, shitty version of Beneath the Buried and Me.

Don't get me wrong, this song sounds ****ing amazing. But I realized that if I am going to critique songs that people actually write, I need to help you make it in the industry a little bit, like I have.

The song sounds ****ing amazing, but don't get me wrong, trust me, my record company (Nuclear Blast) won't sign this up at all.

Spice some shit up brutha, trust me... it does sound good but the industry today isn't looking for this... at all.. they will toss this like my band's first single (which sucked like a bitch, don't get me wrong, but I know some people in the higher-upps... but this won't make it... at all).

(This is a critique similar to how Nuclear Blast [my employer] would look at it....)


The song, in itself, sounds amazing (10/10) but you are just like any other band we receive each day, so for creativity, 1 / 10. Spice it up, come up with something original.

If you make this piece sound something like a Nickelback (rhythm and beat wise) mixed with a new death metal sound, we would sign your ass faster than you could say **** you.

I don't like giving bad critiques but I am just doing my job...

And that job is informing people of how to make original music... and you haven't done that (while it DOES SOUND GOOD).

Once again, as a Nuclear Blast employee and criticizer, this song earns...

SOUND: 10/10 (It sounds ****ing amazing)

Creativity 1/10 (There is no originality)

So overall... 5 / 10 (I hear this kind of stuff everyday when I work)

***All in all, keep up the style, but incorporate more originality****

PS: I am along with Nuclear Blast and Metal Blade Records... we REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY highly enthuse the use of creativity in this style. You have no clue how fast we would wanna take you in if you could sound like this / incorporate originality. I am not hear to criticize your song... I just want you to make it because I see some OBVIOUS talent in you....

You and your band could DEFINITELY make it if you guys record this but have a little more originality, and if you do what I say........ I may be able to give you some "support" with finding a good company to produce your album..

You have GOOD TALENT, PUT IT TO USE!
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
Last edited by DragTheWaters11 at Jul 27, 2010,
#16
i gotta say, at the begining i was really sceptical of this, but as it went on it got better and better.
i can understand the lacked rhythm section as i used to be that way to so im leaving that out
now on to the real stuff
where the others see generic, i really dont, i just see simple. but hey simple sells.
there are times where it kinda just seems over repetetive but that may just be listening to too much of this music, but other times you really shine. for example that clean solo i had to listen to 4 times to realize that its amazing and it got better every time i replayed it, and the outro was incredible, albeit very a7x-y, but thats a plus from my point of view. the only bad part honestly i could see was the breakdown, something about it just didnt catch right. try it faster, or more rapid mabey, look at a veil of maya breakdown, i think someting like that would fit much better
but overall i personally liked it a lot, and i think its awesome, good job
#18
Quote by YesterdaysToday
Hey thanks alot for the crit guys!
And yes Drag The Waters, I do realize it is very generic and am working on making it better.

Well, remember, I said it wasn't bad. I am just trying to help you out and if you ever want more opinions when you do change it up, please... send me a message if you want and I can crit.. Not even C4C or anything.
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
Last edited by DragTheWaters11 at Jul 27, 2010,
#20
First of all, the song is cool. So you can relax lololololol

The leads sound really good, like classical music. However, I don't like the metal riffs too much. Reminds me of metalcore. Try to work out on something more original than note-e chugging-note etc.

Enjoyed the part from bar 80-> and the solo was tasty, yet I craved for some more classical influenced stuff. Outro was also really good. When are you going to record this thingie?

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=24830813
I live near Lake Bodom WORSHIP MEEEEEEE

Quote by Sami Philadelph
LOL, for some reason the impression I get from you is like some wacky Frank Zappa of metal pulling pranks at the Grammys and telling crude jokes during interviews.
#21
The intro sounds very chaotic, I like that!
The following riff is pretty cool.
Bar 33-36 sounded pretty evil but seemed like there was something missing, I don't know what though.
Bar 39-40 was *Beautiful*
Then getting very intense and sudden stop to get back to the previous riff. It sounded a lot better than I would've thought because that riff is very solid.
I didn't like Bar 65-68, it was okay but I was getting used to the rest of the song having a lot of stuff going on and this seemed out of place.
Bar 81 had a good groovy riff but was kinda ruined by the other guitar playing chords over it.
Bar 141-144 were pretty useless in my opinion, but that's just me, I like to get straight to the point.

Overall a very solid piece, very cool bass, nice solos.
Harmonisation is cool but I think you shouldn't abuse it.
#22
DragTheWaters11, can I ask the name of your band and how long you've been signed to NB?
Quote by dudetheman
So what? I wasted like 5 minutes watching DaddyTwoFoot's avatar.


Metalheads are the worst thing that ever happened to metal.
#23
Quote by Psykoz
The intro sounds very chaotic, I like that!
The following riff is pretty cool.
Bar 33-36 sounded pretty evil but seemed like there was something missing, I don't know what though.
Bar 39-40 was *Beautiful*
Then getting very intense and sudden stop to get back to the previous riff. It sounded a lot better than I would've thought because that riff is very solid.
I didn't like Bar 65-68, it was okay but I was getting used to the rest of the song having a lot of stuff going on and this seemed out of place.
Bar 81 had a good groovy riff but was kinda ruined by the other guitar playing chords over it.
Bar 141-144 were pretty useless in my opinion, but that's just me, I like to get straight to the point.

Overall a very solid piece, very cool bass, nice solos.
Harmonisation is cool but I think you shouldn't abuse it.



I was thinking the same thing about harmonization, but I couldn't think of anything else to do at the moment, I try fixing it in a little while.
#24
Even though i hate death metal, ill admit this is awesome... the only problem i have with it is that its abit generic like some other ppl pointed out. i would give it Sound 10/10, Creativity 6/10 (yea i dont think its AS generic as drag the waters pointed out, it does have some originality) so overall 8/10. Thx for the crit, even though u pissed me off with the metalcore comment :P
#25
Wow. There is literally nothing I can say that hasn't already been said. DragTheWaters and JazzDeath have said it all. But you gave me some crit, so I've gotta do the same

I do like it. A lot. I agree with what's been said about changing the rhythm around a bit. The endless leads get a little boring as they are. The riffs are all solid though. I enjoyed them a lot. There really is nothing more to say - you're clearly a great songwriter and player, you just need to make it into something more.

Thanks again for the crit.
#26
I'm listening for the second time as I write this.

The problem here is mostly that the riffs lose their sense of direction because of two things, namely the constant barrage of lead lines and the lack of dynamics. Try some more chord work- use fully voiced triads, sevenths, extended chords, suspended chords, even some tone clusters here and there, maybe. Try using F10 to change the tempo or to turn the distortion off for an interlude- or change the time signature to something odd and unique.

Listen to the song 'Akeldama' by The Faceless- the main riff (and most of the song, at that) is in 7/8 with the occasional bar of 5/8 appropriately placed to spice up the rhythm. It gives it a really unique feel. 4/4 is great for simple riffs and ideas, but you can only do so much with it. You can get some great grooves out of out-there time signatures. Meshuggah is a great example of this.

Like everyone else has said- it's not that it's a bad song. It's just too terribly generic. Experiment with odd musical devices, and don't be afraid to **** up. That's the best advice I can give.
#27
Great song. I loved the solo on the jazz guitar i think i really fitted into the song well. However as some people have said a few things could be done here and there but i think the main problem is the outro. Its mainly the whole notes that lead into it, they just don't seem to fit in well with the rest of the song, they seem to slow.

But any way great work 8/10
#28
Hey thanks for the crit guys, but I think im going to keep the ending as is, as I really like having something really different than the rest as the ending. It sounds better when me and my band play it though.