#1
Hi all,
First off, I'd like to say this is for my post-hardcore/metalcore band. I've never written a song about my personal beliefs before, and this is a very true story. If anyone would like to know the story, I can PM it to them. I haven't been the best song writer lately, but this is probably one of my better works. I'm having this super chorale choir idea style for it. When it gets recorded, I'll have to post it up on here for you all!

I'm considering changing the bridge to make it way more epic, but that might have to come with recording the guitars for it. I just edited the bridge and made it a little better, I think.

Thanks for reading!

Fate; the Idea of Angels and Whom to Pray To

[Verse 1]
Oh Fate, my lover
I’ve had so many troubles with you
Why are you so upset with me?
My ignorance will tear us apart

[Pre-Chorus]
Show me the way, I need
Someone to guide me
I’m finally realizing
I’m not in control, so,

[Chorus]
I’m praying for forgiveness God
I’m sorry for never believing
In the things you do, when you’re
Trying to show me the truth

[Verse 2]
Oh Father, my savior
What seems to be bothering you?
Ever since I felt the love of another
You seem to crash down on me.

[Bridge]
You’re holding my tears by their reins
I want to let go of these feelings
It’s time for me to stand up and scream
There’s nothing wrong with me
There’s nothing wrong with me!

[Chorus]
I’m praying for forgiveness God
I’m sorry for never believing
In the things you do, when you’re
Trying to tell me the truth

[Outro]
Oh Fate, my lover
I’m sorry I never listened to you
If you please just give me
One more chance, I’ll show you
I’ll show you I believe in you
Last edited by r0ckth3d34n at Jul 14, 2010,
#2
If there's one thing I'd change I'd take the word "God' out of the chorus. People want to interpret lyrics to their own person stories and challenges, and cementing the theme of a song with such a blunt use of a controversial word may turn people off.
#4
Pretty good. It brings up a topic that a lot of people can relate to. However, I do have to agree with what MooSir2u said in regards to taking out the word "God". Although you have a specific idea that you want to convey, it would probably be more memorable if it's slightly ambiguous, which allows for free reign by the listener to develop their own meaning behind the song and apply the song to their own lives. All in all, very good effort. Keep it up!

C4C? Dangers Of The Faithless https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1160350
Some people just wanna watch the world burn. Wanna join me when I take my turn to pour the gas, light the match, see your world flip upside down and drop until it's inside out?
#5
Echo on the "God" comments. I like verse 2 particularly. The part about the love of another is one of those things that a listener could relate to on their own level.
#6
And I have to agree with the "God" comments too. I really like the outro, it shows that the person in the song went from being sorry to trying to change like if hes going through hell (no pun intended) throughout the song.
Just because Lil Wayne sold a million albums doesn't make him good. It just means a million idiots bought his album.