#1
READ BEFORE DOWNLOADING

This does not contain an intro, this is meant to be in the middle of a song, I have no ideas for an intro or anything and these ideas came into my head. Otherwise, feel free to critique me to hell. This is a WIP and I came up with it in about 2 hours.

My main influences here were August Burns Red, Opeth and Meshuggah.

EDIT: Updated the song slightly, added in an extra guitar and extended a bit.
Attachments:
Hardcorefail.zip
Last edited by XianXiuHong at Jul 15, 2010,
#2
the key changes are the most Opeth thing i've ever heard.
i really like it, kinda seems like you go off on a bit of a tangent with the last two riffs though.
my only proplem is with the whole tone modulation, because in this context, Opeth have it trademarked, imo.
keep working on it though!
goodstuff
#3
Quote by XianXiuHong
READ BEFORE DOWNLOADING

This does not contain an intro, this is meant to be in the middle of a song, I have no ideas for an intro or anything and these ideas came into my head. Otherwise, feel free to critique me to hell. This is a WIP and I came up with it in about 2 hours.

My main influences here were August Burns Red, Opeth and Meshuggah.


JESUS CHRIST

That was absolutley amazing as ****, and your right about the intro its like it feels like its missing one heaps. I absolutey can't believe no metalcore fans have seen this. Are you in a band.
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#4
Quote by Drapte
JESUS CHRIST

That was absolutley amazing as ****, and your right about the intro its like it feels like its missing one heaps. I absolutey can't believe no metalcore fans have seen this. Are you in a band.



Haha, thank you

I used to be in a band but then I transferred schools and I have to wake up at 6AM and I usually get home about 5PM then I have to practice classical guitar and do work on the weekends do time for a band is really short that I wouldn't want to hold back any bands with my crappy schedule. I wish I still were in a band though ;(

Do you have anything you would like me to crit for you?
#5
I can see where the Opeth influence comes into play. There's a lot going on here, but it does fit together nicely. It's hard to think of something that can go in front of this, but I agree that it does need something. I really like where this is going though (being a big Opeth fan myself). Bar 73 onwards would be a good spot for a solo too. Keep plugging away at this and I'm sure it'll be fantastic.

BTW, a 1-person band is an easy feat these days if you got some recording equipment. Definitely an option if time is an issue. Thanks for the crit too .
AMP:
5150 combo
GSP1101 + Tech 21 PE60

GUITARS:
ESP LTD M-255 w/ SD Full Shred
Kramer Vanguard w/ JE-1000 active preamp
Douglas WF-150sn w/ GFS "Hot Lead" set

EFFECTS:
Bos SD-1 (boost)
AMT DT-2

My Youtube Vids http://youtube.com/user/mogar
#6
Quote by mogar
I can see where the Opeth influence comes into play. There's a lot going on here, but it does fit together nicely. It's hard to think of something that can go in front of this, but I agree that it does need something. I really like where this is going though (being a big Opeth fan myself). Bar 73 onwards would be a good spot for a solo too. Keep plugging away at this and I'm sure it'll be fantastic.

BTW, a 1-person band is an easy feat these days if you got some recording equipment. Definitely an option if time is an issue. Thanks for the crit too .



Come on man, I gave you a really detailed crit ;(
#7
TBH, there's really nothing bad to say here from me. I liked the song and the direction it was headed. I had the reply box open for quite some time and just couldn't think of much to say. And to that I apologize. It's not that I don't want to go into uber detail, I just was at a loss for words. I also really appreciate the very detailed crit that you gave my tune as well.

Lets try this again shall we .

When the heavy riff comes in at bar 13, there seems to be a lot of empty space in the background. I don't know if you wanted it like that to build tension or if you just didn't have a part that could go behind it, but some low droney synth chords would work nicely there. It would give a feeling of dread that could possibly give this part more direction, since this riff really gives off a feeling of stress and tension. But like I said, I don't know if you where going for that or not. Either way it does sound nice and heavy.

Now, the chord progression and lead from bars 29-48 is probably my favorite part. It really gives the piece it's melody. It does sound pretty Opeth-y, but that is far from a bad thing. The guitar parts are layered nicely and the lead part fits it like a glove. The key change at the end also gives it a sense of closure and provides a good base for the arppegiated chords to start on. Really nothing bad to say about this part.

As a transition, the clean chords work well. It may repeat what the previous riff did, but it is different enough to sound fresh to the ears. Also, I felt that this part gave the ears a nice break from the distorted riffing. A "calm before the storm" moment if you will.

Now, the first time I was listening to this I was thinking "this would be a good spot to put a big, slow, doomy riff" and there it was. Good transition. Like I said earlier, I think this would be a good spot for a lead or solo. It leaves a lot of open space that kind leaves me wanting a little more. Noodle around with this part and see what you think of a solo here.
AMP:
5150 combo
GSP1101 + Tech 21 PE60

GUITARS:
ESP LTD M-255 w/ SD Full Shred
Kramer Vanguard w/ JE-1000 active preamp
Douglas WF-150sn w/ GFS "Hot Lead" set

EFFECTS:
Bos SD-1 (boost)
AMT DT-2

My Youtube Vids http://youtube.com/user/mogar
#8
First of all, put some palm mute on the guitars in the intro, it sounds really sloppy. I wasn't expecting much from the beginning, but when it got to bar 29 it started to pick up and I loved it the whole way through.

Just a note about the crit you left me, you probably picked the most generic song on the EP to review, hopefully it didn't stop you from listening to the rest.
#9
Quote by XianXiuHong
Haha, thank you

I used to be in a band but then I transferred schools and I have to wake up at 6AM and I usually get home about 5PM then I have to practice classical guitar and do work on the weekends do time for a band is really short that I wouldn't want to hold back any bands with my crappy schedule. I wish I still were in a band though ;(

Do you have anything you would like me to crit for you?


Sure man I had the thread about the Other Guitarist writing that song heres another song he wrote haha.
Attachments:
Intervention.gp5
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#10
Sorry it took s long for me to get off my lazy ass and get back to you but here we go:

Well, you could actually have this as an intro if you really wanted to. I think'd be cool if you added in some keyboards at bar 9 with a phrygian major/egyptian kind of vibe ala born of osiris. Just a thought. If you were to have an actual intro before this though, I think it should have a start-stop-ish kind of feel to it, just for when it gets to the breakdown, it'll feel nice and solid. I like the notes you added at bar 13 but I don't like how you brought them in, maybe do a tremolo picking thing with them until you get to bar 21 where the other guitar comes with the tremolo stuff.

Riff at bar 29 is so Opeth, I absolutely love it, the melodies, chord progressions and key changes are all spot on, awesome stuff here. Transition into the clean break was very good also. Didn't really care for the riff at bar 65, it was just too generic imo, I did like the drummin here though. As for where to take it next, I say go into a melodic techy kind of a riff after bar 86.

Overall, it's a good start, it just needs to expanded on more. Best of luck!