#1
Ok, just a quick note before the song. For those of you who have read some of my earlier works, you may have noticed I dont hold rhyming in high regard. However, for this particular peice, I thought it would be appropriate, and the results surprised me.

Anyway, enjoy!

Verse1
These words I write are nothing special
A simple statement on every level
I tell a story and you play along
I’m no longer a crutch for you to lean on
When it was dark and you were alone
You’d stay up all night, and we’d talk till the sun shone
But on each rising came hope
And with hope, I was your little inside joke
You’d tell your friends about this kid, this hanger on
Who’d bled the ink onto the page
And never seemed to act his age

Chorus
This is final
The last thought ill ever have
I broke out of denial
And opportunity greeted me with a smile
You’ll be “Miss” until the day you die
And trust me, no one will cry

Verse2
These twenty odd literary works
Just seem to get worse and worse
I’ve written this story before
These words are the same on every letter
Every letter I wrote didn’t get better
You got sick of my story
I got sick of you
Your smiles wavered
And my resolve broke

Chorus


Verse3
I used to pass the time
Scheming and planning how to win you over
I made a paper trail from here to hell
To fill bookcases with empty shelves
They cut my listing
It was all just "too depressing"
Sorry for speaking my mind
But with you, I’ve simply run out of time
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.
Last edited by PCADriven at Aug 6, 2010,
#2
Its good. I think Verse 2 and 3 need a little work. The first verse is awesome!! Good one man! Keep it up.
flintazra wrote:

I think the next person to shoot up a school should list Jonas brothers and Hannah Montana as his favorite "musicians."
#3
Quote by dubes216
Its good. I think Verse 2 and 3 need a little work. The first verse is awesome!! Good one man! Keep it up.


Thanks for the feedback bro. Its appreciated. I will make sure to look at verse 2 and 3 in detail tomorrow, perhaps fix the wording on some parts. Thanks again!
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.
#4
No problem man. When you do some work on it, post it up again. I like giving feedback on lyrics.
flintazra wrote:

I think the next person to shoot up a school should list Jonas brothers and Hannah Montana as his favorite "musicians."
#5
First verse is great, no complaints. I like the literary imagery in the first halves of both the second and third verses, particularly "paper trail from here to Hell". The "simply" at the end of verse 3 and "trust me" in the chorus seem too casual or flippant for the subject matter to me, but overall I like the writing.
#6
I gotta say I like these lines the best...

I’ve written this story before
These words are the same on every letter
Every letter I wrote didn’t get better

I like the story you are telling within the song get a real feel for it...btw what genre of music would you adapt this to...just curious
#7
To the three above posters:

dubes216: Ill message you if any major revisions go down.

hjou49c: Thanks for the feedback bro. I understand what your saying about a casual tone, and im going to look at that.

GuitarGod Tone: Thanks very much man. i appreciate it. The genre im shooting for is definitely Pop Punk. Fall Out Boy for example.
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.