#1
you left your coat at the door.
i’d walk it out to you.
if you hadn’t left so.
eagerly.
so i’m putting it in the back of my closet.
where i won’t ever see.


as for the shortness of it.
I felt like I said everything I wanted to say.
I felt like the emotion running through my gut right now was conveyed in those 6 simple lines and nothing more need be said.
#2
Not much to say. I know you said in 6 simple lines the emotion was conveyed but I'd have to disagree. For me it is short and doesn't give too much. Maybe someone has something better for you.
Last edited by Jordan89R at Jul 16, 2010,
#3
I like "eagerly" as opposed to a more cliche word ("quickly", "angrily", or somesuch). It seems (to me, at least) that a short poem like this could benefit from a few more adjectives (for the raincoat, or maybe the closet), but if it's getting across everything you want to in those few lines, then power to you!

In any case, my main thought is that "eagerly" really makes the stanza stand out. If you were thinking of expanding it, I think it would make a great first verse to work from.
#4
I liked it. Most great things are short and simple, and this has potential to be great.

Minimal lyrics creates the opportunity to be more exotic in with the melody (When it comes to writing the music and singing the piece) Well done!