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#1
Post 'em. Bad things that have either happened during masturbation or because of masturbation.

One time like 4 or 5 years ago, I came just a really, really tiny amount of blood (yeah, cannibal corpse reference isn't intended). Only happened once, never happened again. But I didn't jack off for weeks after that happened.

If thread is fail, I'll just delete it.
#2
My dick fell off, luckily I had some super glue.
Quote by Pleasure2kill
The truth is, Muslims never apologized for their faith having something to do with the attacks on 9/11.
#4
I dont have to masturbate, I always have the girl around that does the work around the house
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#5
I came on my own face.
Quote by tattyreagh
He's the hero The Pit deserves but not the one it needs right now. So, we'll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian. A watchful protector. GbAdimDb5m7.


Free Jani92jani

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#6
How 'bout that guy who was trying to pee but ended up having a bunch of nurses and doctors try to stick a tube up his junk?
[img]http://i.imgur.com/LYZyCdp.gif[/img]


Quote by CrossBack7
Momie's like not even a real person, just an asian, lesbian spirit.
#7
Having more than expected come out creating a mess to deal with.
Time keeps on slipping...


Quote by skaterskagg1
AtomicPunk7 is uncreative.
#9
Bill Cosby
Epi Elitist LP Plus
Marshall Class 5
Vox AC30 CC2


"A person is a success if they get up in the morning and gets to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do."
#10
Quote by zaidsharifi
I heard an "ahem" right behind me.


HAHAHAHAHAHA
Live Guitars and Amps:
Gibson Les Paul Custom
Gibson Es-335
Fender Telecaster
Matchless Dc-30
Vox AC30H2
Pedals:
Boss Tuner
Keeley Compressor
Kelley Katana
Ibanez Ts-9
Fulltone OCD
Ernieball Volume Jr.
Boss DD-20
#12
Grandma walking in on me. Mom walking in on me. Sister walking in on me. Came on my face. Came on my sisters face.

Pretty much it.
Squier Strat
Behringer Fuzz
GFT-90
#13
Quote by Guitarbaddie
Grandma walking in on me. Mom walking in on me. Sister walking in on me. Came on my face. Came on my sisters face.

Pretty much it.

That sounds like a party to me
So that with good courage we say, “The Lord is my helper. I will not fear. What can man do to me?”

-Hebrews 13:6
#14
Quote by Guitarbaddie
Grandma walking in on me. Mom walking in on me. Sister walking in on me. Came on my face. Came on my sisters face.

Pretty much it.

Hot.
Albums I Must Obtain
Call me Paul. I prefer that.
Quote by fretsonfire74
I think you're my soulmate
#15
Quote by pbiggie
Hot.


Dude, she's like 12, what is wrong with you?
Squier Strat
Behringer Fuzz
GFT-90
#16
Quote by Guitarbaddie
Grandma walking in on me. Mom walking in on me. Sister walking in on me. Came on my face. Came on my sisters face.

Pretty much it.


That sounds like a sticky situation
Quote by tattyreagh
He's the hero The Pit deserves but not the one it needs right now. So, we'll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian. A watchful protector. GbAdimDb5m7.


Free Jani92jani

Free Will Swanson
#17
Quote by zaidsharifi
I heard an "ahem" right behind me.

That's nasty. Your parent/guardian was standing behind you while you masturbated? Why did they choose to stay in the room? They could of easily walked out and either ignored it or confronted you later.

Quote by Guitarbaddie
Dude, she's like 12, what is wrong with you?

You're the one who came on her face.
Quote by Tyler Durden
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

Erowid
#19
I saw your mother, couldn't get it up for weeks.

I kid, I kid.

Nothing bad ever happens to me, maybe I'ma ninja of spankin' it.
#21
Quote by Guitarbaddie

Dude, she's like 12, what is wrong with you?


Quote by RockGuitar92
You're the one who came on her face.



Epi Elitist LP Plus
Marshall Class 5
Vox AC30 CC2


"A person is a success if they get up in the morning and gets to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do."
#22
well lol there was this weird incident where i was jacking off, had my eyes closed and when i opened them my dog was right next to me on my bed just staring at my penis..
#23
I jacked off through my boxers because I was too lazy to take my dick out...I went to the bathroom to finish off and the side of the head of my dick was missing a layer of skin, was swollen and somewhat bleeding...I didnt jack off for a week...I was soooo pissed.
Gear:
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#24
Quote by RockGuitar92
You're the one who came on her face.


She walked in as I was finishing, maybe if she didn't dress like a slut it wouldn't have happened.
Squier Strat
Behringer Fuzz
GFT-90
#25
Quote by Guitarbaddie
She walked in as I was finishing, maybe if she didn't dress like a slut it wouldn't have happened.


Go on...
[img]http://i.imgur.com/LYZyCdp.gif[/img]


Quote by CrossBack7
Momie's like not even a real person, just an asian, lesbian spirit.
#26
Quote by RBM01991
I jacked off through my boxers because I was too lazy to take my dick out...I went to the bathroom to finish off and the side of the head of my dick was missing a layer of skin, was swollen and somewhat bleeding...I didnt jack off for a week...I was soooo pissed.


lol missing a bit, rofl that sounds painful
#27
Quote by Guitarbaddie
She walked in as I was finishing, maybe if she didn't dress like a slut it wouldn't have happened.


What was she wearing?
Show pics
Quote by tattyreagh
He's the hero The Pit deserves but not the one it needs right now. So, we'll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian. A watchful protector. GbAdimDb5m7.


Free Jani92jani

Free Will Swanson
#28
Quote by Guitarbaddie
She walked in as I was finishing, maybe if she didn't dress like a slut it wouldn't have happened.

well...um...I'm listening
So that with good courage we say, “The Lord is my helper. I will not fear. What can man do to me?”

-Hebrews 13:6
#29
Quote by Momentosis
Go on...


Well, she does walk in on me more often since then...
Squier Strat
Behringer Fuzz
GFT-90
#30
Quote by Guitarbaddie
She walked in as I was finishing, maybe if she didn't dress like a slut it wouldn't have happened.



My dad tried to come in my room about 30 minutes ago when I was in action, but he walked away when he realized the door was locked. Good man. This isn't the first time this has happened either.

I'm actually very ashamed though. I stopped and took a shower.
#32
As titillating as the previous story is.......

Quote by blake1221
Somewhat related, I got a handjob and got a little bit in my mouth.....yeah


I sympathize with ya brotha but maybe not to that extent (only got on my face but came close. She thought it'd be funny to point in that direction). Luckily I got her back in the eye. She should have better control next time.
#33
nothing so far but my mom found a playboy i forgot i had lol i just asked her wtf was her problem looking under my mattress
#34
Quote by Guitarbaddie
Dude, she's like 12, what is wrong with you?

Obviously trolling.

You don't even know how old she is.
#35
I tried cleaning up with a straw instead of a sock once. And ever since then, I've decided that it's the most efficient (Not to mention tasty) way of cleaning up the mess.
Quote by vintage x metal
I love you =] I can't say I was very fond of you when we first started talking because you trolled the hell out of my threads, but after talking to you here I've grown very attached to you.

Yeah, write to my fanclub about it, honey.
#36
I got Elizabeth Banks pregnant.
Quote by bearded_monkey
Everytime I go into the guitar shop and ask for a G-String the shopkeeper always makes that TERRIBLE joke about it not being an underwear shop

So next time I go in I'm gonna ask for a thong
#37
Quote by Jack Off Jill
I tried cleaning up with a straw instead of a sock once. And ever since then, I've decided that it's the most efficient (Not to mention tasty) way of cleaning up the mess.

Epi Elitist LP Plus
Marshall Class 5
Vox AC30 CC2


"A person is a success if they get up in the morning and gets to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do."
#38
I got my intestines sucked out by a swimming pool pump through my anus.

On a slightly more serious note, I once jacked it so hard I got a little blister on my willie.
#39
banjo string caught in my fly zipper in my works bathroom. not cool man.
|stay classy|

|badj attack|
#40
Oh, also.. One time I went for the world record. I never made it because at some point stuff stopped coming out. And it just hurt so badly.. After the seventh time, it seriously felt like someone was inserting a red hot needle into my urethra. And all the chafing.. my god...

I should have sent the video to Guinness anyway.
Quote by vintage x metal
I love you =] I can't say I was very fond of you when we first started talking because you trolled the hell out of my threads, but after talking to you here I've grown very attached to you.

Yeah, write to my fanclub about it, honey.
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