#1
Hey, I've just started on a new song for my band's album, called The Final Breath =]

The song is about someone being diagnosed with an illness, and the battle with it grows and grows in the song untill the end where it beats the person..

You can download the instruments here - http://www.mediafire.com/?45a6eva1533h5ms

(it's copyrighted, so no stealing parts from it)


These are the lyrics I have so far:


Verse I

Here I stand, stricken and dying,
What should I do, I can't stop trying.
There's nothing to even save,
People should begin to pave.

These new stones, over my grave,
I'll stand with you beside me,
Down to the final breath..


Chorus

Help I crave, and you're one I find,
Whoever knew that I would pine,
For just one simple thing,
That one last breath,
Slipping away..


There are 3 verses and 1 short break. I'm trying to keep the verses the same amount of lines each time.

Any help? Because I don't really know where to go from there..

Thanks guys
PRS SE Torero | Fender MIM Tele | Jackson RR3

Bugera TriRec Infinium | Randall RH50T

Marshall 1960AV

Soundcloud
Band Facebook
#2
What you have is a great start. Hopefully the following suggestions help. From here, I would talk about him either in the hospital or trying to live worthwhile and getting the condolances from those who know him, rendering their words meaningless because the illness will still consume him. Lastly, I would finish off with him on his death bed, basically looking back on his life and saying his goodbyes. Hopefully this helps. Keep up the good work!
Some people just wanna watch the world burn. Wanna join me when I take my turn to pour the gas, light the match, see your world flip upside down and drop until it's inside out?
#3
well for the second verse i think you should probably talk about the person getting angry that they are going to die, sort of like a "why God" moment. as for the last one i agree with Sewn Up that he should be on the death bed, remembering the good and bad times he had and finally accepting his fate then close it with one line knowing he passed.