#1
I wrote this song, along with 9 others for a philosophy project (on our views of the world). I'm looking for constructive criticisms, criticisms in general, comments, whatever you have to say about it.
Thanks in advance.

Sanity
*Chorus*
If only we could understand
And instead of this, know that
What we're actually fighting for
Is peace

*Verse I*
Look at us, all war torn and helpless
Now that we've used up all our hatred
We have nothing left to show for
Our countless deaths, our losses
Shouting never solved our problems
But they've crippled us beyond belief
And still we fight for freedom
For our country, for all our dignities

*Verse II*
Still naked on the streets, we cry
We beg for mercy from our enemies
Let’s take a moment to visualize
Our somewhat twisted revolution
Of new munitions and artillery
It's self destruction, don't you see?
The smog filled skies reveal nothing
But the pain and suffering at city level

*Bridge*
I think we've noticed all along, but ignorance has made our problems walk away

*Chorus*
If only we could understand
And instead of this, know that
What we're actually fighting for
Is peace [x2]
#2
The lyrics remind me of something System of a Down would write. The only difference is while you used rather large words, it flowed together really nicely. Which is a compliment by the way, I really like the verses. You'd know what I mean if you've ever heard The Prison Song, which is just Serj talking over the music, where here I could see someone actually singing it.

Now for the chorus. I don't get what it means exactly. I thought most wars were fought for peace? I don't know, just thats what I am thinking.
#3
Quote by TheJHubs
The lyrics remind me of something System of a Down would write. The only difference is while you used rather large words, it flowed together really nicely. Which is a compliment by the way, I really like the verses. You'd know what I mean if you've ever heard The Prison Song, which is just Serj talking over the music, where here I could see someone actually singing it.

Now for the chorus. I don't get what it means exactly. I thought most wars were fought for peace? I don't know, just thats what I am thinking.


Hey, thanks for the comment! I really appreciate it.

I haven't listened to System of a Down much, but I'll check out some of their stuff as soon as I get a chance (stealing WIFI atm).

As for the chorus, yes, wars are supposed to be fought for peace, but a documentary we watched in philosophy class had brought up some excellent points, and had me thinking. It suggests that war is almost purely for money - to sustain our economy, we need to use up our ressources, if we're not using our ressources, our economy goes for shits.
War = huge consumer. Therefore, war = money.
I'll admit, I don't follow the news much, so I'm not quite as informed as I should be.. but I think by this point, we're wasting time, money, and our soldiers lives out in Iraq and Afghanistan. Just my personal opinion.. =/

Also, if you'd like to watch that documentary, it's posted on google here : http://video.google.ca/videoplay?docid=9219858826421983682# .
#4
i like the message behind this song and some of the lines are quite powerful and really hit home with this message, i think the verses really stand out with very meaningful lyrics yet the chorus might need a bit of work because i dont know how you imagine it to go but it doesnt seem to flow correctly to me, maybe add a word or two on to it so each line is even, otherwise this is a great song and does remind me a bit of serj
#5
Quote by lukkyluke
i like the message behind this song and some of the lines are quite powerful and really hit home with this message, i think the verses really stand out with very meaningful lyrics yet the chorus might need a bit of work because i dont know how you imagine it to go but it doesnt seem to flow correctly to me, maybe add a word or two on to it so each line is even, otherwise this is a great song and does remind me a bit of serj


Thanks man, I appreciate it.
I'll see what I can do about the chorus, I also found it wasn't quite right when I first wrote it, but figured it was just me..