#1
Hey guys. Putting last one up to get reviewed before bed. Tell me what you all think. Very short, not finished, but I need some opinions. The last few got some really great critiques, and I really wanted to thank you guys for that. Thanks again. Here it is.

"Ethereal"

You've invaded my mind again
Don't you see?
You're made of beautiful things.
You're the angel without her wings.
And I'm the demon,
Writing songs no one'll sing.

You're the song that sings to me.
My ethereal fantasy...
The dream I wish was real.
The feelings I'd hope to feel.
Make it real again.
#2
Some things are better off being short and simple rather dragged out and repetitive; this is a fine example of that.

"And I'm the demon, /Writing songs no one'll sing." I really liked that line a good closure to the first stanza.

In two stanzas you clearly got the point across to me the speaker's feelings about this girl. And i learned a new word (ethereal) haha.

Pretty good pal, and if you feel you can express yourself more then do so cause I enjoy where this piece is going.

-Justin
Quote by ErikLensherr
Don't belittle it like that, your mom produces top quality stuff.



C4C
[thread="1339859"]Hammerhead[/thread]
[thread="1341152"]Anglerfish[/thread]

VOTE
Thrustor: 2012
#3
Thanks man. I appreciate the kind feedback. I'll see what else I can do with this.