#1
Verse:Attack attack the charge begins and the roaring planes start their engines
i find myself with no where to go will this war end ill never know
Will i live another day? will i be able to face the pain?
Pre-chorus:enemies surround me and i cannot see
and we let out our battle cry and i push for one more try
Chorus:We fight we will not fall
We fight we will not fall
We fight we will not fall
we fight we will not fall
Verse: Silently i sneak on by all the way to the enemy line
But my cover blows away and hey find me
So now im prisoner to die and i fly to the sky
Pre-chorus
Chorus
Solo
2x chorus
tell me what you think, this is the lyrics i wrote for a song im bringing to my band
Last edited by Jacobrivers8 at Jul 18, 2010,
#2
This isn't a bad start I enjoy the theme. I think you could have gone more in depth here to get away from the cliche, maybe a specific battle or person or your own tale. Maybe more detail on the battle itself (Gore is always interesting )

In the first line are you trying to rhyme 'begins' with 'engines' because i feel as if you put it in there for the sake of the rhyme. Maybe a little revision so the line flows differently.


It's not a bad song though if you and your band can take just this and make a really good heavy metal (thats how i picture this) song out of it then more power to you.

Keep writing buddy!

-Justin
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VOTE
Thrustor: 2012
#3
yea its essentially just thrash, or as my lead guitarist calls it metalcore without screaming or breakdowns (i play rythmn so i write alot of songs as well) but thanks for the input man.