#1
I need help editing a piece that's written in French, and I would appreciate it a lot of if anyone can help me do so. I'm mostly concentrating on the grammar aspect but if you have comments/suggestions on the piece itself, that would be great, as well. Merci beaucoup


Beaux Yeux

Quand je regarde vos beaux yeux
Je peux voir toute ma vie qui passe
Quand je regarde vos beaux yeux
Je peux voir tu es mon monde

Quand je regarde vos beaux yeux
Je me sens perdu dans le moment
Quand je regarde vos beaux yeux
Je peux voir tu es mon monde

Vous toujours avez été là pour moi
Pourquoi vous avez mon tout
C'est dur à dire ces mots
Mais je t'adore seulement parce que

Quand je regarde vos beaux yeux
Tu es dans toutes mes pensées
Quand je regarde vos beaux yeux
Tu parles à moi sans mots

Quand je regarde vos beaux yeux
Je sens l'espace entre nous
Quand je regarde vos beaux yeux
Je rappelle tous les temps que nous avons eu, nous l'avons eu tous

Vous toujours avez été là pour moi
Pourquoi vous avez mon tout
C'est dur à dire ces mots
Mais vous êtes tout que je pars

Vous toujours avez été là pour moi
Maintenant je ne peux pas vivre sans toi
C'est dur à dire ces mots
Mais je t'adore seulement parce que

Je ne peux pas vivre sans toi
Je ne peux pas vivre sans toi
Comme ça c'est fait
Comme ça c'est fait

Comme ça c'est fait..
Quote by Night
wtf is a selfie? is that like, touching yourself or something?
Last edited by Wiegenlied at Jul 19, 2010,
#2
I'm getting that there's a chick and she's kinda pretty, you ask a bunch of metaphorical questions relating to her allure and mention your affection a few times... I'll guess you ask her to come away with you to some wonderful place with a general overlapping of a lovey/gushy type vibe? How'd I do? If I did alright I'd say that it does indeed seem like french. If I'm way off however, I'd say you definitely have a lot of work to do and you should get back to the drawing board :p. Sorry man, grade 10 french isn't gonna get you a lot outta this poor soul lol.
#3
^ lol, my family is French and I've been speaking it since I was a child. I preferred it at one point in time, but my grammars always been a bit poor, that's why I asked for assistance. since I've moved away don't speak it very frequently although I have for certain people are work a few times. this is the first piece I've ever written in french so I guess that's why it's cheesy lol. It's not about running away with someone or anything, it's more about reminiscing about the love you've had with the person you're with and having difficultly accepting that it has become stagnant
Quote by Night
wtf is a selfie? is that like, touching yourself or something?
#4
Beaux Yeux

Quand je regarde tes beaux yeux
Je peux voir toute ma vie qui passe
Quand je regarde tes beaux yeux
Je peux voir que tu es mon monde

Quand je regarde tes beaux yeux
Je me sens perdu dans le moment
Quand je regarde tes beaux yeux
Je peux voir que tu es mon monde

tu a toujours été là pour moi
Pourquoi vous avez mon tout( dident get this one >.>
C'est mots sonts dur a dire.
Mais je t'adore seulement parce que

Quand je regarde tes beaux yeux
Tu es dans toutes mes pensées
Quand je regarde tes beaux yeux
Tu me parles sans mots

Quand je regarde tes beaux yeux
Je sens l'espace entre nous
Quand je regarde tes beaux yeux
Je rappelle tous les temps que nous avons eu, nous l'avons eu tous(?)

tu a toujours été là pour moi
Pourquoi vous avez mon tout (?)
Ces mots sont dur a dire
Mais vous êtes tout que je pars(?)

tu a toujours été là pour moi
Maintenant je ne peux pas vivre sans toi
ces mots sonts dur a dire
Mais je t'adore seulement parce que

Je ne peux pas vivre sans toi
Je ne peux pas vivre sans toi
Comme ça c'est fait
Comme ça c'est fait

Comme ça c'est fait..


nice texte but in french ther is two words to say "you" , "vous", witch is a polite form for people who you dont know and have no connection to, and "tu" , for people who are close to you, or you just know.

tell me what you wanted to say (where i put the question marks) and il try and help
#5
Quote by ThatCanadianKid
Is that what vous means?

I learned that "vous" was "you" as in a group of people.. and "tu" was ''you'' as in one particular person..

I guess my french teacher has taught me wrong. But then again.. she's crazy.


no it does also mean you as in a group of people , sorry for not saying that but yea, it also means the other stuff :O damn you French grammar
#6
In Canada we use the vous-tu thing kind of differently than in traditional French. It's still that same as in vous is for showing respect or for multiple people and tu as the general 'you', but we use tu a lot more, and it generally isn't considered offensive if we address a stranger or person of authority as such. I got kind of mixed up in the song considering which I wanted to use, or if using vous occasionally would make it seem a little more poetic and less casual? I dunno, maybe you could tell me.

As for the lines you didn't understand I'll try to clarify in english. I appreciate it that you're helping


Pourquoi vous avez mon tout


I was originally going to put 'monde' instead of 'tout' but I was trying to add variety cause I used it in the first two stanza. I'm basically trying to say, "Why are you my everything?" or if I used monde, "Why are you my world". Maybe worded a bit akward, I think.


Je rappelle tous les temps que nous avons eu, nous l'avons eu tous(?)


I was trying to say "I remember/recall the times we had together, we had it all".
I was having trouble putting that together, I sometimes have difficultly using the past tense. Would souvenir be a better verb choose then rappeler?

Mais vous êtes tout que je pars

Trying to say "but you are all I have (left)"
Quote by Night
wtf is a selfie? is that like, touching yourself or something?
Last edited by Wiegenlied at Jul 19, 2010,
#7
Pourquoi vous avez mon tout

"Pourquoi est-tu tout pour moi?"

Je rappelle tous les temps que nous avons eu, nous l'avons eu tous

"Je me souvient des temps qu'on a eu, nous avions tout."

Mais vous êtes tout que je pars

"Mais tu es tout ce qu'il me reste."

Crazy_Riley is correct about the rest.

And about the "vous" and "tu" thing, if you use "vous" it will give the impression that the other person is kidna unreachable. Like if the person is a very rich and well-known person, or an older person then you. Vous is used as a mark of respect. If it's about your girlfriend, Tu would be more appropriate. It all depends on the result you want in the end.
Quote by MH400
a girl on the interwebz?

You have 2 options.

1. Tits.
2. GTFO.

Last edited by Spike6sic6 at Jul 19, 2010,
#8
Thanks a lot Spike6sic6 and CrAzY-RiLeY
Quote by Night
wtf is a selfie? is that like, touching yourself or something?
#9
As for the main line, is 'dans' necessary to say 'When I look into your eyes', or is it already implied?
Quote by Night
wtf is a selfie? is that like, touching yourself or something?
#10
yea, it should be "quand je regarde dans tes beaux yeux" overwise your saying when i look at your eyes, not into them
#11
Quote by Wiegenlied
I need help editing a piece that's written in French, and I would appreciate it a lot of if anyone can help me do so. I'm mostly concentrating on the grammar aspect but if you have comments/suggestions on the piece itself, that would be great, as well. Merci beaucoup


Beaux Yeux

Quand je regarde vos beaux yeux
Je peux voir toute ma vie qui passe
Quand je regarde vos beaux yeux
Je peux voir tu es mon monde

Quand je regarde vos beaux yeux
Je me sens perdu dans le moment
Quand je regarde vos beaux yeux
Je peux voir tu es mon monde

Vous toujours avez été là pour moi
I think the word order is not correct here, it should be 'vous avez toujours été là pour moi'.
Pourquoi vous avez mon tout
C'est dur à dire ces mots
In france, 'Il est' would be more correct, but in belgian french language (I live in belgium, there are some regional differences) c'est is ok. I don't know what's used in other french speaking regions.
Mais je t'adore seulement parce que

Quand je regarde vos beaux yeux
Tu es dans toutes mes pensées
Quand je regarde vos beaux yeux
Tu parles à moi sans mots

Quand je regarde vos beaux yeux
Je sens l'espace entre nous
Quand je regarde vos beaux yeux
Je rappelle tous les temps que nous avons eu, nous l'avons eu tous
'se rappeller' in the meaning of 'to remember' is always used with a pronoun, 'se' ('oneself'), in the correct form. here, there should have been written 'Je me rappelle'. Also, 'nous l'avons eu tous, should be 'nous les avons eu tous', as it refers to 'les temps, which is plural'


Vous toujours avez été là pour moi
Pourquoi vous avez mon tout
C'est dur à dire ces mots
Mais vous êtes tout que je pars

Vous toujours avez été là pour moi
Maintenant je ne peux pas vivre sans toi
C'est dur à dire ces mots
Mais je t'adore seulement parce que

Je ne peux pas vivre sans toi
Je ne peux pas vivre sans toi
Comme ça c'est fait
Comme ça c'est fait

Comme ça c'est fait..


I think you know the difference between 'vous' for one specific person and 'tu', but I suggest you stick with one of them, just for consistency.
Your french is very good, except for some little details that a non-native speaker couldn't know
also, I like the lyrics.
#12
Quote by Wiegenlied
As for the main line, is 'dans' necessary to say 'When I look into your eyes', or is it already implied?


'Je regarde vos beaux yeux' would be that you look at her eyes, while 'je regarde dans vos beax yeux' means literally 'When I look into your beautiful eyes'. It's not necessary to use 'dans' though, because with eyes, it's allready implied that you look into them. (otherwise, it would be a little strange )