#1
HI again,
once more I request your crit for this song, which seems similar to "Ad a Dglgmut" from BTBAM.

I tried my best to create original riffs and to improve transitions. Hope I succeed in doing this.
But I still laugh at my clumsy blast beat... Well hear it and try not to laugh

C4c as always!
Attachments:
Feeling Superfluous.zip
#2
7/8 9/8.... also know as two bars of 4/4.
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Colossus
#3
Crit as I listen.

The first two riffs are extremely btbam-y. I feel like I could've heard that exact section right off of The Silent Circus. I definitely liked the 2nd one better, but they both flowed together extremely well.

The transition into B wasn't good. Apbrupt at best, flow-killing at worst. Which is unfortunate, because I really did like the riff that came after it. The chords were an excellent touch, and I felt really added quite a bit. When the clean came over it, it was EXCELLENT. I would change the G note on bar 63 to an F# on the "guitar solo" track, but aside from that, it was perfect.

C was a very good riff. No negative comments. The harmony was well done, worked, and sounded quite good. You are very good at writing these riffs, and they flow well. The only problem I've been having so far is sort of the same thing I've had with Btbam's music. It's all...surface. The riffs are fast, intense, and brutal, but there's really no crushing, epic feel, which I feel like this song could use.

Transition was excellent, especially with the bass, but I don't like what it changed into. The acoustic melody was excellent, but I feel it could've been better served in another location.

The clean section after was very good however. Excellent solo, and excellent slap bass. I was a little worried at first, but it all flowed excellently, and sounded fantastic. E was a good section, but I would suggest two things. One, tone down the china cymbal. It's too much. Two, harmonize the guitars on bar 154-161.

The saxophone was good, but kind of unnecessary. Don't get me wrong, I love things like that, when they fit, and are done well. But this really...wasn't. It was, as fitting with the title, superfluous. And not in a good way.

I think F was the appropriate time to bring back the heavier side of the song. The tremolo picking is good, the melody is cool, nothing bad here. Part of me thinks you should've done something more interesting with the bass, but what you had was fine.

I really like that last riff, but it feels copied from Ad A Dglgmut, especially when it slows down.


Overall. I'd say it was a good grouping of riffs, but not really as cohesive as I would've liked, or as "full-sounding". There were a bunch of ideas, and they were good on their own, but the transitions needed work, and a lot of things seemed incomplete.

It's not bad, but could use some work. Sorry

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1340190
Thanks!
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#4
Quote by frankibo
7/8 9/8.... also know as two bars of 4/4.


Not when the notation fits 7/8 and 9/8 correctly. It also cleans up your writing making it much neater.

TS I liked the song alot but I felt G3 could have had some more motion to it. Felt a little lifeless. I really liked B and B2 though.
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Last edited by kylendm at Jul 19, 2010,
#5
Quote by kylendm
Not when the notation fits 7/8 and 9/8 correctly. It also cleans up your writing making it much neater.


You serious? For a start, unless the drums for reason imply 7/8 9/8, 7/8 9/8 will near enough always be 4/4. And how is 7/8 9/8 neater and tidier then 4/4?

And regardless the way this song is written doesn't imply 7/8 9/8, it implies 4/4. Look the the way the drums are written, the cymbals of every two bars are on the 1st and 5th beats and the snare hits are on the 3rd and 7th beats, exactly like 4/4.
And in the first bars of the 7/8 9/8 bit the slide from 19 to 7 or whatever it is is timed so it comes at the start of what would be the second bar of two bars of 4/4.

I just don't really see any reason to write that as 7/8 9/8.
My songs are all located here .
Feel free to drop by and crit a song.
Leave a link and I'll return a crit



Colossus
#6
Thy for crit. I keep them in my mind clearly and I will do some change when I have ideas for them.

Remarks:
- Sometimes this song could sound emppty. It's because it lacks vocals. I will write them later.
- I see what you (silhouettica) write by "it's all surface". I like BTBAM because it's very frontal and complex at the same time. The epic feel is something I want to write parsimoniously and I feel that this song doesn't need it.

- Eventually, frankibo is right. it's 4/4. BUT I write the riff first without thinking of some drums stuff. So it's logic that it's 7/8, 9/8 and I didn't find useful to correct it.
Besides frankibo, what did you think of my song ? (instead of being pedantic )
#7
The beginning does sound a lot like BTBAM and is good stuff, if you like the band. Though I'm curious how you play the first bar since you don't have tapping indicated

I think part B does connect pretty well, and I like those shifting chords were good and are a nice touch.

The clean part is AMAZING. Reminds me of Selkies, I love it! However, though the sax solo was decent and reminded me a lot of their newest album, I think you should swap that with an epic guitar solo

The rest of the song was ok, nothing really stood out though. I did like the breakdown because it's not your typical one, and I'm assuming it ends a bit ugly for the tension or something similar? Cuz I didn't really like it, but if that's what you were going for than good job.

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1340182
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#8
Quote by grooaarrhh

Besides frankibo, what did you think of my song ? (instead of being pedantic


I'm rather good at being pedantic.

May as well crit now I'm here

The first riff is good, very heavy. Sounds like earlier BTBAM, not so much their latest album.
The riff starting at 34 is rather odd, but transitions nicely into the chords, which I really like. Love the clean guitar part that comes over the top, nice addition. Don't really understand the drums here though, not sure what you're really going for there.
The next riff is decent as well, although I'm also starting to feel these sections are rather hollow.

Love the transition, great chords.

Great some synth and a nice acoustic bit. This has more of a full feel and the sort of atmosphere i was expecting. Drums and bass have come in and there's a lovely solo but the drums are really distracting from it, tone down the open hi hat?
Riff E is nice, liking the bass part. Again not sure on the drums.
Sax solo is very well written, again I think the drums draw attention away from it though. Riff E again, works well as a post solo section.

Oooh dissonant chord, I'm expecting something heavy now.
Nice tremolo riff, beautifully heavythis is all rather BTBAM.

Here's my nemesis, the 7/8 9/8 riff

It's actually a really good riff, not fond of the drums again though,.
Nice heavy way to end the song.

Over all it was good, maybe a bit too similar to BTBAM if you ask me, but hey if that's what you were aiming for you've achieved it. I'm not a fan of some of the drum work, I feel the song would be vastly improved with a better drum part and of course with vocals to flesh the sound out.

C4C? Click either of the links in my sig.
First is a page with all my songs on, crit which either one takes your fancy.
Second is my latest song, a 24 minute genre mash

Take your pick
My songs are all located here .
Feel free to drop by and crit a song.
Leave a link and I'll return a crit



Colossus
#9
Alright, some more remarks:
- I'm definitely not that good writing drums stuff but I don't know how to make them more "there". It's not that much a problem because I'm a guitar player.

- Then about the BTBAM influence. You know guys I love this band so much, I would never try to copy them. On the other hand, I want to imitate their gait: complex and frontal music without any style limit. If it fits, so let's do it.
Yeah, the main goal is to combine complexity, efficiency and elegance.
Hope one day I will succeed!