#1
i like to recount blissful memories
holding them tenderly before they fade away
when we'd sit forever
counting minutes
while you counted the hours
we were the waste
the incomplete snowflakes
wearing our nooses
like they were going out of style
but it was worth it just to sit
and gnaw at the bit
burrowing through the spoiled flesh
for the sugar at the center
yes, i could have watched you
bleed flowers for hours and hours
building your monoliths and ivory towers
but thats all over now
because you're gone
and i guess... so am i
i am the lamb.
point me to the slaughter.
#2
At first I felt it was a pretty typical piece, but the more I read the more I really liked it.
Especially the gnaw at the bit, and ivory towers lines.
While sometimes I felt like some of the words were used morecso for the sake of using "poetic" words, rather than to paint the picture, but my opinion on that might be a bit biased because I tend to be a more simple of a writer.
But overall, I think that feeling was minimal and the imagery was great.
Really liked the flow, too.


Crit mine maybe?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1339883
Last edited by Coheed777 at Jul 20, 2010,
#3
Quote by Coheed777
At first I felt it was a pretty typical piece, but the more I read the more I really liked it.

many thanks sir.
i am the lamb.
point me to the slaughter.