#1
I wanted to repost this song, yet again, for the sake of trying to complete it, as it IS the my band's next albums Title Track. I have a completely different Chorus and Pre-Verse from the last time and would like to hear opinions (even though you don't know how it was before). Everything is labeled on Track 1.

I have had some troubles, but I have overcome most of them. However, I am not the biggest fan of the first Chorus and any ideas would be greatly appreciated... Thank youh!

PS: The lead in the first Chorus is going to be harmonized with my vocal patterns, using a similar vocal approach as Alexi Laiho.

!~! C4C as always

!~!~! Listening to this in RSE is completely encouraged!
Attachments:
Disease of the Apocalpyse.gp5
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
Last edited by DragTheWaters11 at Jul 20, 2010,
#2
Im gonna be honest. the riffs don't go together at all and I don't think you have any understanding of time signatures. there's too many unneeded stops and breaks in the song and your drummer would have to be a god. And bars 16 and 17... WTF man?!
#4
Quote by QAZAR
Im gonna be honest. the riffs don't go together at all and I don't think you have any understanding of time signatures. there's too many unneeded stops and breaks in the song and your drummer would have to be a god. And bars 16 and 17... WTF man?!


Maybe that's what he's going for.
#6
Quote by QAZAR
Im gonna be honest. the riffs don't go together at all and I don't think you have any understanding of time signatures. there's too many unneeded stops and breaks in the song and your drummer would have to be a god. And bars 16 and 17... WTF man?!

Wait, wait... how don't the riffs go together? They all flow nicely, it keeps a steady rhythm throughout (they're all in the same key and basic rhythm) and the only SHITTY part of the song is the chorus, which I came here for help for.

No understanding of time signatures? Name more than two places where it's out of time... :/

Unneeded stops and breaks? WHERE?

Seriously, dude, criticism is always welcome, but damn, I could have gotten something better from 4Chan. Besides, I came here for help, not this.
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
Last edited by DragTheWaters11 at Jul 21, 2010,
#7
Quote by DragTheWaters11
Wait, wait... how don't the riffs go together? They all flow nicely, it keeps a steady rhythm throughout (they're all in the same key and basic rhythm) and the only SHITTY part of the song is the chorus, which I came here for help for.

No understanding of time signatures? Name more than two places where it's out of time... :/

Unneeded stops and breaks? WHERE?

Seriously, dude, criticism is always welcome, but damn, I could have gotten something better from 4Chan. Besides, I came here for help, not this.


Indeed.

It would help if you tell us what kind of style you're trying for, IE what kind of bands you're influenced by, otherwise we have no way of criticizing it other than basing it on our own tastes (this is something I wish everyone would do to make it easier). From my perspective, as a prog/tech/orchestral metal fan, it's going great, ESPECIALLY the chorus. That's just what I like. It reminds me a little of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQPMHhLIhV4

The "stops" QAZAR was referring to was probably the change in speeds that occur between riffs, which is something I would keep.
#8
Ok here we go.
I really like the bass intro.
It really felt weird when it sped up though.
I like the verses and prechorus, they just need vocals over it to make it complete.
The change to the chorus is also to sudden.
Also the change to the verse.
The interlude needs drums in this in my opinion. I don't like that empty sound when it first starts.
I really don't like the drums in 41-45, it feels like my computers lagging up.
Everything in the solo needs work, as it feels more like another interlude than a solo.
The change at 81 needs work, and a harmony at 83.
the change at 95 was too sudden,
And overall, it was very reppepitive, (but could be helped with vocals in the song)
and the time changes were just too much for me, as they threw off the song. In my opinion, if you wanted chorus's and verses different speeds, change the feel of the song by adding triplet feels (for some songs), Different time signatures (with drums dabbling in recent beats (recent beats with new stuff thrown in)), and different speed notes.

Overall, an okay song...
I'd give it 5.5-6.5/10


Crit Mine?
Decomposition of the Eternal Soul
#9
Quote by YesterdaysToday
Ok here we go.
I really like the bass intro.
It really felt weird when it sped up though.
I like the verses and prechorus, they just need vocals over it to make it complete.
The change to the chorus is also to sudden.
Also the change to the verse.
The interlude needs drums in this in my opinion. I don't like that empty sound when it first starts.
I really don't like the drums in 41-45, it feels like my computers lagging up.
Everything in the solo needs work, as it feels more like another interlude than a solo.
The change at 81 needs work, and a harmony at 83.
the change at 95 was too sudden,
And overall, it was very reppepitive, (but could be helped with vocals in the song)
and the time changes were just too much for me, as they threw off the song. In my opinion, if you wanted chorus's and verses different speeds, change the feel of the song by adding triplet feels (for some songs), Different time signatures (with drums dabbling in recent beats (recent beats with new stuff thrown in)), and different speed notes.

Overall, an okay song...
I'd give it 5.5-6.5/10


Crit Mine?
Decomposition of the Eternal Soul

Lol trust me, my vocals won't let you down. : ) Thanks for the crit! Returning yours right now!
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God