#1
A song here, instead of the usual poetry.

Although, as usual its written in freeform, with no rhyming pattern. I find that rhyming limits the message your trying to put across, well if your crap like me anyway

Link in title. Need to glance at the page to know the songs called what it is.

Bohemian Grove

Personality, Popularity
It's all the same.
What does anyone care,
is your name on the list ?
Get out of my sight.

Engaging a void
in conversation.
Is that how its
suppose to be ?
I think it is.
A void is better
than vermin.

Actions don't count.
They never did.
Words are empty.
They always were.
We rely on the
peoples knowledge,
our names, spoon fed.

We're idols, Gods.
We don't fraternise
with the common.

Tie him to the tree,
let the birds feast.
Let them take his
contaminated organs.
Don't worry, we'll
have another
Prometheus tommorow.
And the day after,
And the day after,
And the day after,
And the day after.
Last edited by ultrasonic at Jul 20, 2010,
#2
I like it. I usually (if my guitar's handy) strum something like I-IV-I-V and follow along in my head, but in this case I'm curious what kind of melody / style you have? (This isn't a bad thing, just curious!)

First stanza - sounds good. This stanza does feel like a few ideas thrown together, I take "get out of my sight" to be a response to a name not being "on the list" but those few lines feel disjointed. That might just be me not knowing how the song's supposed to flow though.

Second stanza - I like the wording, of conversing with a void. Again, not sure about flow but I'm sure you have something interesting in mind.

Third stanza - I really like the first 4 lines, how the idea repeats with both actions and words. I don't like the phrase "spoon fed" but that's a personal thing - it's one of those phrases that I think sounds too definite and casual, in referencing a physical thing (a spoon!)... it seems to say what you're going for, though, so keep it in if you like it!

Fourth stanza - sounds good, nothing to criticize.

Fifth stanza / ending - definitely my favourite part. I like the imagery of "contaminated organs", and Prometheus. I'm the sort who would stick to one or two repetitions of "and the day after", but I think in a song format you could stick with the 4 you have and it would sound really good.

Good stuff, keep it up!
#3
Thanks It's a strange song alright, but so is most of mine, so this is one of my normal ones I'm a bit of a prog music lover, so I tend to experiment a lot, not only with the music but with the writing of the lyrics as well I only have possible 2 songs I've written that rhyme, and have a standard 4 line stanza, verse chorus layout

I actually plan to record this soon, actually might lay down something in maybe the next couple of days. If its any good Ill probably post it on my profile