#1
tomorrow when you know,
the me or you that pulls the slip past your knees as we
toboggan through trenching snow while it rolls and it
rolls beneath a khaki sheet of paler sentiments and further
paling legs-we'll surround the city of angelic beings and
curse the heaven out of them as your sweater bunches up
around your neck and we run circles around each other
breathing halo's around our heads with failing breaths and
inflating chests-
tomorrow when you know who loves you best,
we can sip tea in a vessel christened something or other
headed north, south, east, or
west,
in a blue or blue-less sea.
#2
I like it immediately, great title.

Very good imagery... I can't really say whether it flows well, not knowing the style it's supposed to be in or how it's meant to be read or sung, but I really like the images you've used and the way you move from one idea to another. You use "around" twice near the middle, I'd consider deleting one. I love the bit about "curse the heaven out of them" - great wordplay.

Everything after the second "Tomorrow", no complaints, I love it.

Keep it up!
#3
I enjoyed this quite a bit. It's so descriptive.

we'll surround the city of angelic beings and
curse the heaven out of them as your sweater bunches up
around your neck and we run circles around each other
breathing halo's around our heads with failing breaths and
inflating chests-


Amazing. The failing breaths and inflating chests just rings. I love how it's so open ended. It's whatever the reader wants it to be and can go in any direction which is my favorite kind of writing. Well done, keep up the good work!
#5
I've been a huge fan of your stuff for a while, so it was nice to read you again. Your pieces just seem to flow beautifully, particularly when read out loud. Seperating west from the rest of the directions did a lot for me, although I can't put my finger on why exactly that is. The first line is the only one that read even a tad awkwardly.

Keep writing, it's one of the reasons I still come back to S&L occasionally.
#6
This is the second best thing I've ever read from you.

Awesome.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black