#1
Kind of a faster song with a little distortion, fast temp and solid beating rhythm. About 3 mins 40 seconds

CC welcome


Lyrics:

Walking around this empty place
Thinking of what's up on your face
Can you see from my point of view?

I don't know what's right or wrong
but I'm already halfway gone
How far are you?

I walk up on your broken glass
Trying not to come in last
I came right out of the blue

Blue, Blue, Blue eyes shape my life
Blue, Blue, Blue skies make my life
Your heart is red but the organ black
if not for the cross upon your back
I wouldn't know what to do
Blue, Blue, Blue eyes shape my life

When will the stars align?
When will you read my signs?
I don't think you have a clue

You sleep on the empty ground
wondering if you've found
your answer to the golden rule

I walk up on your broken glass
Trying not to come in last
I came right out of the blue

Blue, Blue, Blue eyes share my pain
Blue, Blue, Blue skies make it rain
You've become a train wreck
If not for the cross around your neck
I wouldn't have recognized you
Blue, Blue, Blue skies make it rain

Solo

I try to get around you
but there's no where to go but through
where will you run to?

Blue, Blue, Blue eyes shape my life
Blue, Blue, Blue skies make my life
Your heart is red but the organ black
if not for the cross upon your back
I wouldn't know what to do
Blue, Blue, Blue eyes shape my life

I walk up on your broken glass
Trying not to come in last
I came right out of the blue

Blue, Blue, Blue eyes do not lie
Last edited by Smith22 at Jul 20, 2010,
#2
I can dig it. The flow is good, as is the way it's organized and presented. Some deep lines in there that aren't something that would be easy to think up.

You should look for another way to begin the chorus, without rhyming "life" with "life"
Hey!Everyone!
Come and See how good I look!



You Stay Classy, Ultimate Guitar
#3
thanks!
I'm gonna go with

Blue eyes shape my life
Blue skies all the time

and Blue eyes share my pain
Blue skies make it rain
#4
This ain't for me. It might go well over the music, but I don't get much from the lyrics alone. It's got no surprises except one line in the chorus which I like.

"Walking around this empty place
Thinking of what's up on your face"

This line sort of makes it sound like she has a strange mole or growth on her face. It's kind of gross. Might want to rephrase it. The rhyme is a little too easy, also.

"Blue, Blue, Blue eyes shape my life
Blue, Blue, Blue skies make my life"

This is an interesting couple of contrary ideas. "Blue skies" goes with happy and pleasant, yet the skies surely don't "make [his] life", as the speaker is clearly miserable. There's something fun about contradictions, though, and toying with that old image of the blue sky.
#5
ok thanks for the CC

Ill think of changing that line

I did change that 2nd rhyme

and that the contradiction is what I was going for (but I did change that line)